My first warning of the year to men is: watch what you say to your wives. Do not ever think… she has no choice except to stay with you in that marriage.
Funke Egbemode
You know, generally, women are believed to be the ones with caustic tongues. We are supposed to be the ones who have ways of talking themselves into trouble. We nag. We dare and goad men into beating us up and now turn around to call them wife batterers and even murderers. True, most of them most of the time. But men can actually be worse. They do and say what sometimes put them in early graves. They goad their women too. And when you see a nagging husband in action, wow, he’s a sight to behold, negatively, that is.
My late husband drafted me into politics – Sen. Nwaogu
Unlike wives, a mean husband is not a man of many words. His words are short but searing. His longest statement is like an express train speeding on black ice. You and I know the destination can’t be El-Dorado.
Of course, many times, the man doesn’t know his words may kill him but women hurt and very deeply too. Some men proudly tell whoever cares to listen that they do not beat their wives but they are kings of verbal and emotional abuse. And I repeat, women hurt deeply. We do not forget easily. That is why a woman who has been married for 35 years can remember what her husband was wearing the day he said the first time that her soup had no salt. We are made like that. So, my first warning of the year to men is: watch what you say to your wives. Do not ever think because she has been your wife for 25 years, she has no choice except to stay with you in that marriage. Do not think the four children she has for you will insulate you from the venom of a hurt woman, especially the one you have abused for years. A scorned, abused, goaded and ready-for-vengeance wife is one to be feared, deeply feared.
I’ll cite the example of one of the things most men do after some years of marriage: dare to take a second wife and then tell the wife (of many years) to either accept her promotion to First Wife or leave if she doesn’t like the new arrangement. I bet you have seen many instances and the drama that usually follow.
Some newly promoted wives shrug and accept their fate. Some scream and cry until they end up in padded ward. Many reject the promotion and move out. Not the woman in this story.
For 15 years, Kunle and Seyi lived as husband and wife. They started from the beginning and built a good life. It took time and plenty of sacrifices. Things were indeed rough and tough. For the first eight years, all the couple could afford were second-hand things. Indeed, everything they had was tokunbo. From Seyi’s underwear to the fridge in their kitchen. Yes, things were that bad. Of course, even a tokunbo car was out of reach. But they struggled on until they turned the corner on poverty and things started looking up. All it took was Kunle being at the right place at the right time, applying for a contract and getting it and the door just swung wide open. Real cash rolled in. Vacations abroad, brand new cars, houses in a choice part of town. They started living the life.
Oh, I forgot that this couple, not in poverty or wealth did they have children. That was one door that did not open even when they moved from bend-down-boutiques to shopping at Harrods.
Then Kunle decided to try his luck in another field and somehow, his seeds germinated. Word soon got to Seyi. She was heartbroken and angry. She felt betrayed and stabbed in the back. And Kunle handled it all wrong. Maybe it was the too-much-money or the excitement of ‘now, we know I’m a real man’ or both, but Kunle became the man Seyi felt she didn’t marry. And she too became a bitch.
She dared Kunle to try to bring in a second wife and see hell on earth. Did he expect her to manufacture children? Kunle stuck to his guns, Seyi must go since she refused to let the new wife move in. No, Kunle was not ready to allow his ‘heir apparent’ be raised outside ‘the palace’. Seyi stood her ground, if she must go, she would go but nobody else would marry Kunle.
Note the threat. Kunle did not take it seriously. Everybody put it down to the ranting of a scorned woman. If only Kunle had known.
Two weeks after he threw Seyi out of their luxurious six-bedroom house, five young men came calling. They asked for Kunle and were let in by the unsuspecting security guard. One hour later, Kunle was dead, slaughtered in the presence of his new wife and heir.
The hunt was fueled and funded generously by Kunle’s friends and family. In an unusual “police is investigating the matter” situation, two of the messengers of death were apprehended. They confessed that it was Seyi who paid them handsomely to finish off Kunle.
Did you gasp? I bet you did. Some people fainted. Many cursed Seyi calling for her head. Whatever they, you or I think, it is pure analysis from different points of view. The reality: Kunle was dead, gone forever. Even if Seyi was executed 10 times, it still would not bring Kunle back. I’m all for justice but it serves no purpose when the milk is already spilled.
Women are usually the death of men. No matter how rich, wise, or connected a man is, his choice of wife could be his undoing. And if you think Seyi was able to carry out that devilish campaign because she had no children for Kunle, then maybe you have not heard of other cases.
Although, there are women who cannot imagine anything pushing them to such extremes, there are those who don’t see anything wrong in getting even.
One said, “Some men are bad and there is nothing bad in teaching them a few lessons once in a while. You suffer with a man, struggle with him and the moment he makes it, his first thought is a second wife. If a man does it to me, I will not kill him but I will show him the younger brother of death.”
Don’t ask me who the younger brother of death is, thank you.
Another woman said: “When all a man thinks of whenever his wife annoys him is throwing her out, then he shouldn’t expect her to leave just like that and accept to go and live alone while somebody else moves in.”
Threatening your wife with eviction all the time like a bad landlord can cause bad blood. Ejecting your wife out of the matrimonial home may not necessarily be the end of the story, some women still believe in getting even no matter the risk to their own wellbeing. Where you can resolve issues, don’t threaten your wife. Don’t scorn the woman or reject the wife that struggled with you when things were tough. If she could determine to stick by you through thick and thin, she could also re-channel that determination to destroy you.
It’s the beginning of a new year; let us try to start anew, afresh. Talk things over with your spouse. Guys, do not take your wife for granted this year. Do not threaten to marry a new wife and send her back to her father’s house. Do not remind her of the gutter you picked her from. Do not think she’s just a wife and that you are too rich and connected to be harassed by a woman.
For the first time in a long time, I have this strong feeling this piece is for one particular man and I hope he gets to read this.