Let’s not play safe
By Paul Ugoagwu
Thursday, November 9, 2006

I watched the Alan Shearer testimonial match at the tail end of the last English premiership season and decided immediately that I would spend my time more usefully next time. The match was what Nigerians would call arrangee match. Nothing was at stake. Both sides played as if they were from the same team, much like first eleven versus the second.

When the opposing side was leading (I think it was Celtic), almost everyone knew that New Castle would equalize before regulation time. True to the script, on the dot of ninety minutes, a penalty was awarded to New Castle. (It was really a gift because it was so glaring that it was arranged and nobody was fooled really). Predictably, Alan Shearer was invited from the bench to take the penalty Just before he took the shot, Alan Shearer (who by the way could not play due to the injury which abruptly ended his career) looked pleadingly at the goal keeper (to remind him of the draw agreement and urge him to keep his part of the covenant). He took the kick and the keeper took a spectacular dive in a different direction (which made Alan’s feeble kick look really awesome).

Boom! Alan scored his last goal for New Castle. It was a strange match, lacking in everything that makes an enjoyable encounter. Nobody was hurt, no foul play, no rough tackle, no great runs, no great saves from either goal keeper, not one exciting moment. Everybody was happy, except perhaps those of us looking for a great game. It was the classical safe play.

Many advertisements are really like this. From the very first blast of the whistle, you knew where the commercial was heading. If you haven’t noticed, let me give you the pattern: A good neighbour says something like Mama Junior, why is your child crying? Every fool knows that Mama Junior would reply by complaining about a health problem. Every novice knows that what would follow is a suggestion from the neighbour who asked the first question. Every green horn knows that Mama Junior would then use the suggested remedy, then announce that it works like magic and then thank the neighbour and then an announcer would reinforce the benefit. It is safe, it is clear and it is straight to the point. It is also dull, predictable, and boring.

It has no high moment, it has no anxious moment, no element of surprise. Just like the Alan Shearer match. I call it arrangee commercial, the script being a result of a collaboration between the safe writer and his safe client.
We definitely need some rough play in advertising. Safe advertising makes a brand unsafe in the long run. Ordinary is boring. Run of the mill is terrible. Small is naave. The world is looking for the spectacular. Plan to shock the audience. Give them a nice surprise. Interrupt their boring schedule. Help them out of their daily routine. Make their day by giving them an advertising treat. Prick them, squeeze them, fondle them, slap them, step on their toes, do anything but please don’t increase their boredom!

I did a word study on the word small recently and decided that there is really no good in small as far as advertising is concerned. I won’t look at a small house twice. I won’t notice a small billboard. A small TV is terrible to watch. I hate small hotel rooms. Everybody dislikes a small salary. Customers hate to be served small meals. Now if we all know how dreadful small is, why do we think small in our advertising ideas? Why are we afraid to push the envelope? Why live in fear of going over the cliff?

One thing I would like to see in Nigeria is knocking advertising. Whatever the argument against it, I still think it helps the competitive spirit and makes brands a bit bolder in their claims. It also makes advertising a delight to watch. Two brands which have done this successfully in America are the two soft drink giants Coca-Cola and Pepsi. (And what bigger show could be better than a battle of these titans?) An interesting example was one I saw on a cable TV which showed a little kid approaching what looked like a Coke vending machine. He slotted in a coin and two Coke cans came out. We all thought that was the end until he put both cans on the floor, stepped on them in order to reach for the Pepsi cans on top. That was really refreshing. I have also seen a Coca-Cola ad where a man who obviously couldn’t get a Coke opted for Pepsi but had to pour the Pepsi into a Coke can in order to look good!

In America, the audience is always on the look-out for the next round of the Cola war. Each advert calls for a rematch between the two heavyweights. And the public never get disappointed at each duel. The harder the blow, the bigger the retaliation. You draw the first blood, you get a harder kick in return. It goes on and on.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not an advocate of roforofo fight. And all advertising doesn’t have to be war. But I ask myself, even in real life, what do people gather to watch? I have never seen a crowd gather to watch two cockroaches fighting. I never saw people assemble anywhere to watch a smooth flowing traffic. On a good day, a million cars drive past a busy road and you notice only a couple of them. Why? Ninety-nine percent of them are normal vehicles. Only one per cent is worth a second look. People everywhere are stopped by an unusual event.

You notice what takes you out of your routine. Advertising should be that daring.
Let share less violent examples. I was told of a promotional advertisement where a brand of car was being sold at a promotional price. The television advertisement showed a man going into a church to confess to a priest. His sin was covetousness. The priest asked him to explain. The confessing sinner told of how he couldn’t take his mind off a beautiful car. He told of the special features. He told of the model and the make. He then explained that it was being offered at an incredible promotional price with a ridiculously easy payment plan.

He explained that his main problem was that there were only a few of the cars left. As he confessed, he didn’t notice that the priest at the other end had stopped listening and had in fact rushed out to go pick the car. The message: the offer was so good that even a priest would covet it. I know such an ad would offend the faith of some Nigerians and would probably be killed before it sees the sinful world, but it is a simple demonstration of how far creativity could travel.

Once in a while we see such sparks on the local TV stations. One example (this commercial was mostly likely conceptualized and produced abroad) was the shell engine oil ad which featured a car being wheeled into a theatre for an emergency operation. An ECG examination showed a bad car-diac condition and oil transfusion (just like a blood transfusion) restored life to the vehicle. At the end of the operation, the car roared into life. The commercial was a delight to watch anytime it was showed.

I just need to reiterate the point made earlier. Safe advertising isn’t safe. It is probably the most dangerous game anyone could engage in. It is bad for the brand. It is unsafe for the client, it is unsafe for the agency which continues to churn them out. If the target audience had a choice they would not spend a second on safe television advertisements. Radio listeners may tolerate it for a while especially if such ads are placed mid news. But for the millions of impatient people driving on Nigerian roads, the situation is not as suffocating. They simply ignore safe outdoor ads. Much the same way as you don’t notice inconsequential events.