Who wants to know what’s on a man’s mind? It’s always mind-boggling. So why bother? But some of us are too curious for our own good. We really don’t care if curiousity killed the cat. I’m not a cat, am I? I just enjoy listening to men gisting and I’m so lucky I’m a journalist. I can eavesdrop legally. I also ask questions and the answers I’ve got over the years? Boy, they will fill another book. I really think I can make a good living writing about what I hear about men. Well, they don’t like it. I don’t care. They won’t stop doing what they have always done. So, I won’t stop what I like doing.

Anyway, Valentine has come and gone. You don’t want to know the pranks my male compatriots played on Thursday. As soon as I saw them in red ties and other red things, I knew the girls were in trouble. Of course, the girls too knew the scores. Me, I’m interested in what guys have on their minds.
A lot of men are crafted their stories better than a novelist. What they told their wives to escape taking them out. What they would tell old girlfriends to escape them while they launch fresh affairs with their new catches. They also picked quarrels to avoid taking their girls out too. They know all the right things to do to start a fight. Last year, there was bird flu and Nigerian men went into hiding.

“We’ll just have to postpone Valentine this year for obvious reasons.”
“All the eateries serve chicken, so what are we going to eat.”
“I’m doing this because I love you o, I don’t want you to catch this thing.”
Lucky escape. What did they say this year? Nothing new, I guess. But let’s take a trip into the minds of men using what they have done in the past as ladders. You know men, they all have these wonderfully colourful past that never ceases to amaze me.
Benji’s story first.

“ My ex-girlfriend returned to Nigeria after about three years abroad. Of course, she started behaving like a peacock, struting her stuff, complete with her brand new American accent. I have a good job and decided I was going to devote the weeks leading to Valentine’s day to woo her all over again. I made up my mind to show her that I’d not only ‘arrived’, I could dust any American in Romance 101. We got back together somehow and I told her I was going to give her the treat of her life that February 14. I had it all figured out. There was a budget approved for the ‘event.’ As early as six in the morning, I had a dozen roses sent to her apartment by one of those new floral businesses. A personalized perfumed card (her favourite perfume, that is) followed a few hours later .Later in the day, I took her to an exclusive resort where we had dinner on the lake. We had enough wine to forget all inhibitions and we ‘celebrated’ all night. It was wonderful but it was not designed to last. Well, I did not set out for a relationship. I will nicely ease myself out of any romantic trap she has laid out . I have had my fun.”
So, have any of your ex-boyfriends been trying to stage a comeback in the last few weeks? Don’t be fooled. Even if he has good intentions, wait until after February 14. He knows women are more vulnerable around this time. He knows the soil is quite fertile now but don’t let him sow anything. You can’t be too careful with the men around here, you know.

Martins and I were in the university together. He was a man about town, still is.
‘ For me Valentine means sex at the end of the evening. It does not matter how much I spend on the girl as long as she ends where I want her that evening. What’s a few thousands for an annual event? However, I like my Val girl to be a new girl every year. I use the occasion to hone my ‘toasting’ skills.’
Hello girls, have ‘they’ started swarming around you? Don’t for a minute think that your value on the stock exchange has tripled. It’s nothing more than the annual valentine rush. It will all dip within hours when ‘they’ would have added you as another feather to their caps. Get your bullet-proof tank top on.
Let us catch another glimpse from a woman’s angle. Joke and Tunde have been married for five years when they had their most memorable valentine as a married couple.

“Even during courtship, I had always accused Tunde of being too dull at valentine until last year when he shocked me. He came home early, personally put our son to bed and hauled me off to the bedroom. He ran the bath and dumped me in it. He had champagne which I believed he laced with something. I had to beg him to stop. He really blew my mind. And you know what, that was the eye-opener I needed to realise that I was the dull one, not Tunde.
Dear madams, that’s food for thought. Do try and spice up your sex life.
Tony on his part burnt his fingers and pockets trying to impress his girlfriend last year. This is his year of revenge. So, unless you have known your own Tony for a while, don’t let any Tony take you out now.

“ I had taken my girl out to an expensive restaurant only I didn’t realise how expensive. By the time the bill arrived, I was in trouble. I excused myself to go to the toilet and made straight for the nearest ATM machine which chose that day of all days not to work. A friend who was just leaving found me sweating and bailed me out. If any girl tries to overeat or ‘overdrink’ again at Valentine, I will leave her there to wash plates.” Una don hear?
The craziest of all the stories is Sammy’s. His undergraduate girlfriend from Jos surfaced just when he had firmed up arrangements with another girl in town. Aeroplane jammed ship. “At first I was confused, then I decide to just enjoy myself. I ended up shuttling between my house and a hotel near my office where I lodged the one from Jos. It was dangerous and energy-sapping trying to ‘minister’ to two girls in one night. I could not drive myself the following day but it was fun.”

I think men are crazy but then it is men’s character to pull stunts.

From My Mailbox

Re- A polygamist has no public holiday
Your last Saturday’s expose on the modern-day practice of polygamy appeared to me one sided for the reasons adduced below.
As an introduction, I am a 63 years old retired professional banker and hail from the state capital of one of the Oodua states. My father, a high chief, had married 10 wives before I took up residence in Lagos in Dec., 1963 after my secondary school education and I am the first born. He stopped at the 13th wife about 15 years ago.

Consider his own marital situation with those of artisans, drivers, farmers, messengers and a gamut of low, middle and upper segment people in the society who are also into polygamy without untoward consequences. My view is that women with such marital set-ups have willingly accepted and conditioned themselves to these basically cultural, economic and religious situation.
Since its debut some 4 years ago, the Sun Newspapers have on regular weekly basis publish events in UK dailies, so I am using these juicy news items to highlight the current scenario outside our shores:

* Thousands of women mostly divorces from UK flock to Gambia annually during the last quarter of each year in search of fun and hubbies; in fact it has now become an annual ritual.

*Both ex- US president, Bill Clinton and wife, Senator Hilary Clinton (A president in waiting) are serial adulterers who for political expediency have tolerated each others philandering.

* Prince Charles, heir to British monarchy and his late wife (Princess Diana) were adulterers as well.

* Here at home, there was a story in Sunday Tribune of 10/9/2005 at page 9, where a pastor by name Folorunsho Adewale a staff of O.A.U. Ile-Ife, disclosed in court in a divorce suit from one of his 3 wives that God/Jesus did not specify the number of wives one can marry but He is against divorce.

I therefore conclude that the sour aspect of polygamy is attitudinal and finds expression with our educated ladies, the group to which you belong.

•Abiodun Ajibola Ajibade