To borrow Ateke Tom’s expression, many bad bad things are happening in Nigeria but because we are so used and immune to our theatre of the absurd, we are strutting around like the king of the hill. Sometimes I look around me and wonder if it is not true after all that this is a doomed country whose heart is just beating faintly on to keep the undertaker away.

We seem to take too much in our stride. We have survived so many near-disasters that we think nothing of careering into the next, optimistic or foolhardy that we will survive yet again. But you and I know that there is such a place called a point-of-no-return. I strongly feel that these little drops of trouble may become an ocean of disaster sooner than later. Unless we stop arrogantly take things for granted. Even the Bible that assured us that it is well taught us that those who are standing should be careful less they fall.

Look at the way the Niger Delta troubles have deteriorated to the level of militants virtually seizing the region. Ateke Tom is not only talking tough, he is sounding like he actually is Rivers State governor. Governor Rotimi Amechi declared him wanted, Ateke Tom declared Amechi wanted too. The outlaw said if Amechi is planning on fishing him out with JTF soldiers, he would fish out the governor with militants. Ateke Tom has also issued a not-so-veiled threat that since Governor Amechi has attacked his Okrika homestead, His Excellency should expect militants in his village soon. We don’t need rocket science to decipher what casualty figures Ateke Tom is looking at. In a nation where there is law and order, the sinners are handing down the commandments to Bishops.

How did we get to that bus stop? Because we have believed for too long that a day like this would not come. That if we all turn a blind eye long enough the problems in the Niger Delta will go away. We did nothing when politicians in the region traded our oil for firearms to rig elections and keep opposition in check. The governors in the region instead of tackling unemployment cashed in on the youths’ helplessness and taught them greed. Almost all the politicians in the region built their careers and suspicious popularity on the evil that is today threatening to destroy them and us.

Now they are shamelessly claiming innocence. They are now all life-givers by training and not murderers. They didn’t even have the decency to credit us with the sense God gave a goose. What pains me in all of these is that too many bystanders are falling. Too many innocents are dying. Why can’t these militants just kill the demons which made them? The mean men who ganged up against young men they ought to help and mentor deserve to die, not the 10-year-olds getting caught in cross fire they know nothing about.

These men wear their designer suits by day and adorn regalias of deadly cultists in the night. We have ignored them for so long and now like rabid dogs, they are making us all look like a lawless bunch. Former ministers are accusing governors, old ministers are identifying trouble makers and the din is deafening.
What’s worse in this bad bad thing scenario, a former Security Adviser to Governor Odili, Anabs Sara-Igbe said in an interview recently that ‘Amechi knows everybody. He can reach out to everybody because many are feeling alienated’ and I wonder what all that means. Sara-Igbe went on to say that since ‘our elections are an arrangement, we can arrange a Niger Delta President too.’ Can you read the sub-text in that? Can this bad thing get badder?

The driver of the port manager in Port Harcourt was bombed. Tankers are exploding in our faces. Doctors are denying that they have never killed. How did a doctor get to be in a position where he is being accused of being a killer in the first place. South south politicians have suddenly become suspected terrorists. That is why militants who should be afraid of governors are threatening to kidnap them.

Once upon a time, armed robbers visited homes and took peanuts. Then they moved up and into banks. Now, you cannot shop safely in electronics shops or eat safely in eateries. You are better off with a few missing N1000 bills than counting your cash in the bank. The ‘bank directors’ may just stroll in with their AK 47 rifles to withdraw a few millions. And the Nigeria Police have not been scrapped. The robbers are waxing stronger, perfecting strategies to not only rob us of cash we take out of the bank but also following us to electronic stores to take our plasma television sets. Our crime fighters are wobbling. Bad bad wobbling.

Have you thought of the revelation by the Attorney-General of the federation, Mr Michael Aondoakaa that there are 300 children in Nigerian prisons. In a country that is not being ruled by anarchy. This is a country where the birth certificate of a baby born in prison is not supposed to reflect the ‘place of birth’, yet Nigerian prisons are being used to recruit criminals, little criminals. Our law books say that by 18 months, children born in prison should be sent forth into saner environment. So how did we end up with 300 untried baby prisoners ? In this season of bad bad things, some people are collecting salaries that they didn’t earn. And how exactly were those babies made in prison? The last time I checked, there is only one female prison in Nigeria and male and female inmates don’t cohabit. Have the warders been joining inmates in unholy wedlock? Or did those kids just strayed into the prisons? Very bad thing again.

How come there are 4,000 awaiting trial inmates in Lagos alone? Is it not the same judiciary that is hearing cases of former governors speedily that is in charge of the cases of those other unfortunate Nigerians? In this Animal Farm, some animals are more equal than others. It’s okay for someone accused of stealing a N10,000 Nokia handset to await trial for 10 years while his governor gets through the court processes, secures bail in one month. Because of what the judiciary has failed to do, Ikoyi Prisons that was built and designed for 800 inmates today houses 1,933 inmates, 80% of whom are awaiting trial. Is it that we need to appoint more judges or we simply love these bad bad thing? What’s worse, we do not have laws that empower warders to reject additions to an overcrowded facility. National Assembly please take note of that bit. According to Ope Fatinikun, the Public Relations Officer of Lagos Prison Service, once the warrant says take them to the prison, warders are stuck. So, the judges are loading the prisons and babies are getting made. As soon as Mr Aondoakaa dropped the bomb and we recovered from the shock, we have moved on as usual, pretending that all is well. Very bad attitude. One day monkey go go market, he no go return….