The liars grow weary
By Ikenna Emewu [ikenna@sunnewsonline.com]
Saturday, February 06, 2010

Seventy-five days have passed just like yesterday. This is Nigeria sans president. When it started it was like a harmless and mild joke. The wide mouths of Abuja who scorn the honour that should come with their age and calling thought it was a momentary nightmare that would fizzle out in just two weeks. I know they must have been preparing their speeches to stampede and bamboozle us on how dead right they were while tutoring us on patriotism they can’t even spell correctly that we needed to be patient with President Umar Yar’Adua.

Two ministers turned their portfolio overnight to misinformation and tragedy and cunning/lying general of the federation. They got so busy lying everyday. Those days I always wondered if they ever slept. I guess they must have been busy reading the Nazi scripts of how hollow propaganda is deployed to hold a state to ransom. It was so worrisome you would wonder if they imagined their children listen to their myriad lies that conflicted with each other everyday. You start to imagine what a child in that circumstance would learn from the mother or father who lies everyday in the media over the whereabouts of Yar’Adua.
For some weeks now, I have not heard their voice again. I suggest they have grown weary of lies. They must have exhausted their stock of lies. And today, they don’t know what else to say or do. The Yar’Adua enigma has outgrown the liars and the watchers. Na siddon dey look we dey. Who says nothing surpasses the smartness of a Nigerian?

When the heat continued to mount and escalate, Umoru’s papa remembered to re-enact his old table-banging drama to tell us Umoru fed him with Oluwole health certification, and as a dumb old man he never made a difference between Oluwole and Saudi stuff. But before he could be through with his face-saving propaganda, he found out he rather spitted his face the more. Nigerians gave it back to him so hard. Up till now, we have not heard the old deceiver again.
So, where are those two ministers who made it a duty to tell us lies everyday to the point of suggesting news censorship to cut the media to size on this matter? The liars have grown weary. There are no more lies to tell. You know what, their budgets had not been approved before Mr. President took Saudi leave ad infinitum. They thought it would not last. Now they know better, their pockets have started telling them the truth that very soon the money oga budgeted for 2009 will run into trickles. With some more days it would fade into momentary drops preparatory to dry-up. When is the money allocator coming back? Nobody knows. Even if they manufacture a special custom-made air ambulance or submarine to bring an ailing person back, would that make someone who is down to get to the office and sit down and approve more money?

Are the ministers not the same that told us everything is just fine and Yar’Adua’s presence is not missed in governance? The money is no more there to frolic and cavourt, all of a sudden they realized that Yar’Adua’s absence could be felt. Yes, we can have the last laugh as we call on the liar ministers to continue. There is no cause for alarm and Yar’Adua’s absence does not make any difference. You see the positions you have been battling to preserve by making sure nobody acts in Yar’Adua’s stead, you would soon find out by the time the man remains there for six months that you actually have nothing. Monkey too smart to climb na when tree near tree.

Your position as minister is so lucrative that you would not mind plunging into the lagoon to protect it is only when there is money attached. The money can only be there when the man who doles it out is around to work. When last did you see even in the newspapers a minister in your dear country travel to any state or country for official assignment? Wahala don dey now. You can’t take a ride of Nigeria and go home unhurt. It is just a matter of time before you hear some ministers have absconded and their whereabouts not known. If it is possible some will soon contemplate resigning. E go ire all of us.

As the call gets louder for Jonathan or even Turai to take over and act until the big man gets well, the ones that used to champion other people’s motions with expedited hearing and convoluted high-sounding judicial decisions that add up to nothing will also be tired. I heard it is a Benuenized Nigeria administration. What that means is that it is the turn of Benue State to lord it over Nigeria. David Mark (Senate President), Aondoakaa (AGF), Katsina-Alu (CJN) Dan Abutu (CJ, Federal High Court) are all from Benue. Yar’Adua, the owner of the manor farm is away to fix his health, and the other lords of lower status up their profile and sit on the nation to pontificate on patriotism of lies. Benue has its day at the centre stage. Some came by appointment, and some by meritorious service. But still all is Benue. So when you hear of suits filed and decisions given on what happens to Yar’Adua’s replacement, take it with some good quantity of salt and sugar. It is a Benue affair.

Don’t panic, great Nigerians, this will also fade away with time.
You can observe that the Yar’Adua recipe is today like the salt, which my village people say nobody stands the overdose. Those that felt they can do just anything and overfeed themselves on the Yar’Adua absence dish will soon find out their dish is like that good meal with so much salt. The owner will definitely abandon it.
I had written this piece only to come out the following morning (Thursday) to see in the papers that the ministers have started to buckle under the weight of Yar’Adua’s absence. I laughed when I read that it was Prof. Akunyili who was the divine messenger of the Yar’Adua-must-hold-on campaign that recapitulated and circulated memo to her colleagues to decide otherwise. How far can we go in Nigeria with insincere instability? Today, we are this, the following day we turn as the sky changes. Forget the issue of some ministers opposing her. That is just window dressing. Watch out for next Wednesday after she must have adopted the due process mantra if any of them could say no.

There have been no trips anywhere and the pocket has run dry for the big FEC guys. Everybody needs money to spend. I would at this juncture ask Jonathan not to worry so much about getting in there. Immediately the Ministers run to seed, the position will be his for the take.
The news that is already rife in town is that Yar’Adua’s assistants and aides have run into bad economic weather because the master is not around to allocate money. Very soon, the next in the crisis zone will be the members of cabinet. In fact, you can already sense the chicken is already on the way to the roost. That is how far we can go in having shameless people managing us.

Did their baba not say it long ago that nothing embarrasses him? It is the same tradition obtainable in PDP. Dem no get shame, so don’t expect them to stand by their word for too long. They speak in line with the prevailing interest. When they bullied us that nothing in governance suffers in Yar’Adua’s absence, it was for their interest. Now the interest hinged on Yar’Adua is no longer paying, they have to shift base and change their talks to something lucrative. It is never about Nigeria or their vaunted patriotism. It is about self and would always remain so.