Circumcised at gunpoint
...A pregnant woman’s horrific experience as she also
got facial marks
•Daughter bleeds to death after circumcision
By Emmanuel Mayah
Saturday, March 15,
2008
She was still a teenager when she lost both parents in the
2001 Ikeja Cantonment bomb blast that claimed the lives of
hundreds of persons. From that tragic day, Omobola Daramola
began to feel the life ebb out of her. The whole world had
crashed around her and she had only the rubble to look up
to for memories.
If she endured the threat of hunger, there was this feeling
of vulnerability that stalked her everywhere she went. Without
her parents to protect her anymore, she saw too clearly she
was at the mercy of a wicked world. There are all kinds of
courage but there was none for her loneliness.
Several times when life’s challenges almost drove her
to a point of nervous breakdown, she clung tightly to the
hope that some day she would wake up from her nightmare to
a beautiful dream once again.
In 2002 she met a printer called Jamiu. He was a native of
Iseyin in Oyo State. Omobola is from Ibadan. With him she
felt certain warmth and a pronounced sense of security she
had never known since the death of her parents. He was in
love with her. Graciously, the feeling was mutual. She said
yes to his marriage proposal. She was determined to do everything
to make it work. But in her desire for a happy life, she did
not reckon with her in-laws or the bizarre demands they would
make of her. In a spate of five years she would fight many
battles and succumb to genital mutilation. In another circle
of nightmares, her in-laws would pin her to the ground and
give her tribal marks, her baby would be abducted, her loving
husband would vanish without a trace and her two-year old
daughter would bleed to death from forced circumcision.
Circumcised at gunpoint
Subdued by the uncanny vicissitudes of life in so short a
time, Omobola spends much of her time staring emptily into
space. Too tired to dispense any more tears, the housewife
could only speak in hushed tone as she narrated what has become
to her an ordeal. Speaking with Saturday Sun, she began by
recalling that one of the advices given to her by elders during
her traditional marriage in 2002 was to be submissive to her
husband and in-laws. She was particularly told that the secret
of a successful marriage was sacrifice.
A good natured person, she took every lesson to heart and
quite at an early stage of her marriage, she began to cultivate
members of her husband’s family.
A few months into her marriage, she travelled to Iseyin to
spend days with her in-laws. Her mother-in-law was late; her
father-in-law was old and unable to give anybody hassles.
But there were her brothers and sisters-in-law, cousins, aunts
and uncles to contend with. In the evening of that day, virtually
all the family members had gathered to deliberate on an important
matter. Unknown to Omobola, she was the subject.
Soon the resolution of the meeting was communicated to her.
Her in-laws told her that as a way of accepting her into her
husband’s family, she must be given face marks. She
was told that every person in the family had marks on the
cheeks.
The new bride absorbed the strange request and silently began
to weigh the odds against her. While they lived, her parents
never saw it necessary to put marks on her face; she wondered
how they would have reacted to the suggestions were they alive.
Outnumbered, Omobola was told to make up her mind quickly.
She really did not have much say in the matter. It was like
asking her if she counts herself as a member of that family.
She said yes.
That was all they needed to pin her to the ground. The in-laws
had everything ready, including a sharp knife. But there was
no anesthesia. Omobola cried in pains as her chubby cheeks
were branded with three marks each. But the horror had only
just begun. More women pressed her to the ground. Before she
knew what was going on, her wrapper had been hitched up. She
had no way of seeing what was going on between her legs. Whatever
it was, she could feel it in form of excruciating pains. She
let out a terrified scream but it got her nowhere as pieces
of rags were forced into her mouth. When it was all over,
her worst fears were confirmed. She had just been circumcised
at gunpoint. She was two months pregnant.
Defaced and dehumanized
Omobola said she felt defaced and dehumanized at the same
time. Because she lost much blood during the process, she
was rushed to a hospital where doctors confirmed her pregnancy.
She returned to her husband and told him her impossible tales.
But if her husband felt any resentment towards his family,
he took everything in his stride. To this day, the housewife
still wonders if he was not part of the gruesome conspiracy.
She resigned herself to fate as she nursed the wounds on the
two parts of her body. Brave as she tried to be, the physical
pains ended only to give way to the psychological. Each time
she looked into the mirror, she was greeted with what was
to her a ghastly image. She was defaced and appeared in the
mirror as another woman.
She dreaded the night the more. Each time she slept with her
husband, she hurt badly.
After the harrowing experience, she chose to keep a safe distance
from her husband’s family. Months later when she was
due to be delivered of her baby, her in-laws again appeared
on the scene. They insisted they would handle it the traditional
way. They told her that all the women in the family were delivered
of their babies at home. Herbs and sundry concoctions were
their idea of ante-natal. For once, Omobola defied them. After
a turbulent labour, she gave birth to a baby boy who was a
spitting image of his father. Her joy knew no bounds but her
in-laws, feeling scorned, allegedly rained curses at her.
They said they would never have anything to do with her again.
The animosity lasted two years. Omobola was pregnant again.
Afraid that her in-laws would come up with something sinister
again, the embattled woman took refuge in the home of one
of her relations. She remained there until few weeks to her
delivery. This time, it was a baby girl whom she named Finisola
Abeni. In the euphoria that followed, the antagonists forgot
their differences. Or so it seemed. Her relations led a delegation
to her in-laws to reconcile the aggrieved parties. As a sign
that they had accepted the olive branch, her in-laws started
visiting her again. However, Omobola said she did not let
down her guard.
Daughter’s death
On April 20, 2007, Jamiu, Omobola’s husband, had to
embark on an emergency trip out of his station. That same
day, two of his relations came on a visit. Omobola entertained
them the best she could. Barely two hours after the guests
had gone, she discovered her little girl, Finisola Abeni,
was missing. She was three years old.
Terrrified by thoughts of what must have happened to her daughter,
Omobola raced to her in-laws. She recounts what she saw.
"I banged at the door shattering the louvers in the process.
Neighbours came to my rescue but by then the harm had already
been done. Inside the house was my daughter and two women.
One look at her on the floor writhing in pain with blood was
all I needed to go crazy. And like a mad woman, I charged
at the two women with all the strength I could muster, tearing
their dresses to shreds and they practically ran out naked.
It was after their escape that I now remembered that I had
to do something fast about my daughter who was bleeding profusely
from her private part. A neighbour assisted in taking us to
the hospital. There doctors battled to save my daughter’s
life. Having lost so much blood, the doctors insisted we had
to do blood transfusion. They said too that we had to take
her to another hospital because their blood bank was empty.
But just as we got to the second hospital, my daughter was
certified dead."
Alerted of developments at home, Jamiu cut short his business
trip. Saturday Sun gathered that after the burial of his daughter
he swore he was going to get even with his family members.
The matter was later reported to the police but family members
allegedly compelled him to withdraw the case. Unsure of what
will come next, Omobola has fled her matrimonial home, taking
her son with her. In an ironic twist, she has not seen her
husband for seven months. |
