| Our 50 years of marital
bliss – Mr & Mrs Alapafuja
By Susan Nwanganga Agwu
Tuesday,
November 13, 2007
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Mr
& Mrs Alapafuja
Photo: Sun News Publishing |
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In these days of quick fix marriages and quicker speed divorces,
it is gratifying to find couples that are able to stick together
through thick and thin to celebrate the golden anniversary
of their wedding. The Alhaji Babatunde and Alhaja Ganiat Adeola
Alapafuja have clocked 50 in marriage and they are still in
love.
Daily Sun went in search of the couple to
find out what makes their marriage tick and how they weathered
the challenges to keep the marriage intact through the years.
Walking into their beautifully furnished home, that looked
more like a haven of peace than an inhabited home, one is
surprised to find a resplendently dressed middle-aged looking
woman, welcoming one.
Enquiry for Mrs. M. Alapafuja, met with a gentle nod of her
head, that indeed one was face to face with the woman, a mother
of five, a grandmother to many.
Alhaji took Daily Sun through the wonderful
life he enjoys with his beautiful wife. Like the devout Muslims
they are, the couple ascribed their success and joy to Allah’s
benevolence.
According to Alhaji, it all started at Olowogbowo area of
Lagos, better known now as Apongbon, in the central business
district of Lagos. The wife, then a very beautiful damsel,
was enjoying the Marina breeze on the balcony of her house
when the husband passed by on his way to a picnic in the then
clean and refreshing Bar Beach. Share their world!
Husband
I was the company Secretary of the Blackhood Hodge for 15
years before I retired in 1994. Since then, I’ve not
been in active service, though I sometime take on occasional
briefs that come my way. I went to St. John’s College
Cathedral, Lagos. When I left, I worked in the Post Office
in Lagos before I went to London in search of the proverbial
Golden Fleece. It was the fad then to seek professional education
abroad. I was in London for 17 years with my wife. I went
to London in 1957 and my wife joined me in 1959. We came back
together.
Key to success in marriage
What has kept our marriage going is the give and take attitude.
We learnt over time that you do not get annoyed with everything
that upsets you. In every marriage, you have your ups and
downs. But you just resolve to thread on level ground, trying
to sidestep the intrusions of upheavals in life. You know
these things that you don’t expect and they just come
suddenly to intrude into your life, people refer to such as
up and down.
So, you don’t get annoyed at every little thing as long
as it’s not serious. Another thing is to overlook things,
even if they hurt at a particular time. This is how we’ve
been able to weather the storms. Also, the children play vital
role in the solidity of a marriage. You have to take them
into consideration. By and large, I’m glad that I am
fortunate for the fact that I never had serious marital problem
like the wife messing around. My wife is very faithful, and
that counted a lot in the respect I have for her.
Memorable moments
So far, the happiest day of my life, as far as I can remember,
is when news got to me that my wife had a baby boy. I was
very happy. Thank God, I have achieved a lot of things that
I don’t know which one to say is special. You see, God
has been very kind to me in the sense that my children are
very obedient. They never got out of hand. I tried to bring
them up in a Muslim way and they yielded to my training. Whatever
I tell them to do, they do.
They are all in England now. All my children have been source
of great joy to me and as a Muslim, I cannot say that one
brings more joy than the other one. So, let me just say that
for everything; for the life that God has given me and the
love of a good woman, my life has adds up to continuous streak
of memorable moments.
Wife
I am from Abeokuta, in Ogun State, but I grew up on the Lagos
Island. I attended Olowogbowo Methodist Primary School, Lagos,
and later, Ireti Girl’s School, Yaba, for my secondary
education. I later worked with London Africa and Overseas
before I travelled to London to join my husband some
50 years back.
I am a contented homebuilder and a mother of five children,
two males and three females.
Meeting him
We met in Lagos in the 50s. He lives in Olowogbowo area and
incidentally, I also reside somewhere close by. He came up
to me one sunny Saturday and started to talk about my beauty.
Well, he wasn’t bad either, so, one thing led to another
and we started courting. In those days, courting meant letter
writing and promises of fidelity, nothing more than that.
That was it until he proposed. You know then, you do not give
any unilateral decision to a marriage proposal, so, I took
the proposal to my mother and she took a while to pray over
it and she went to my dad with it.
We enquired as to his family background, they adjudged him
okay and I consented. That was how we began our marital journey.
Premarital relationship
Not in our time! They had to present your family with a stained
white handkerchief if you want to have the respect of your
parents and his. It is very important.
Wedding
We had an Islamic wedding, presided over by Islamic mullah.
But by every standard at that time, it was grand; a one-in-town
kind of things. Both families are prominent, so, it was like
a healthy rivalry to outshine each other at the wedding occasion.
Challenges
Not quite long after the wedding, my husband went to London
in search of the proverbial Golden Fleece. The custom then
was that the man would go ahead to prepare for the wife, but
I was pregnant by the time his travel came through. In fact,
we couldn’t spend much time together before he went
to London. Of course, I was a young bride, so the parting
was very much painful. I was full of trepidation in fear of
what the future might bring. Anyway, my fear proved to be
unfounded because through it all, he remained faithful to
me until we were reunited.
Secret of marriage sustenance
Well, I can’t really say, because you find that in life,
most things are done by the grace of God. Life and all things
in it, are free gifts from the Almighty father. But sometime
during our quiet moments, my husband used to say that we succeeded
because we imbibe the spirit of give and take. Well, I think
I agree with him because, for two people to cohabit peaceful,
the spirit of give and take is needed on both sides. It is
not about winner takes all, or that I am the head here, and
forever, I must lord it over the other. Here, we give each
other mutual respect and it has helped us to navigate safely
so many somewhat dangerous storms.
Home Front
On that plane, I am the captain. You know, taking care of
the children devolves more on the woman. We have five - two
males and three females. The males, for the most part, are
self-motivators. They demonstrated enough intelligence, and
the presence of Daddy was enough to keep them straight. But
our girls, not that they are wayward or anything, it is just
that you have to be there for them always to build them up
right so that when they grow up, they will be able to take
care of their own homes too. I used to sit them down lots
of time and advise them that life is not all about sweetie
sweets alone, it has so many things hidden in its bowel and
they should be prepared to face anything it drops into their
lap. Thank God, He blessed their lives and they are all married
now and running good homes for themselves.
Memorable moments
There have been many, but they say there must be first among
equals, so I think I can readily point to the day I had my
first boy. It was on a Friday and I was only 20 years old.
Just imagine, the experience of having a baby at that age,
with your husband far away in London. It was a beautiful experience.
Very few things could compare to the joy of holding a baby
in your arms for the first time. The sheer delight was so
intoxicating, so heady. If a baby is conceived in love, the
day you lay your eyes on him or her, the feelings are simply
indescribable.
The second one that came close to that was when I went to
join my husband in London.
Another one that I can think of was when I performed the Holy
pilgrimage to Mecca and Medina. My parents were staunch Muslims.
We’ve heard so much about Mecca and Medina right away
from birth that we saw it as of paramount importance to perform
the Holy Pilgrimage. So, when Allah eventually provided me
with the means to perform the pilgrimage and I was standing
on Mount Arafat, It was like I was standing before my God.
The awe, mingled with the fulfillment at being able to perform
the very last one of the five pillars of Islam was such that
words actually fail me to capture it.
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