Her husband has been
missing for 30 months, but she refuses to be called a widow
By TINU ODUGBEMI
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
 |
•Pastor and Mrs Adegbenjo
Photo: Sun News Publishing |
|
|
To several people, to know a child, husband or relation is
dead is far better than to have them missing. Could they be
dead? Did they leave voluntarily or were they charmed or forced
to do so? Have they abandoned them for some other people?
Will they see them again? These are some of the questions
on the heart of Mrs. Christiana Kikelomo Adegbenjo, 56, whose
husband has been missing since June 2002. She says she is
not a widow and she believes her husband, Pastor Matthew Adegbenjo
will still come back.
Myself
I am Mrs. Christiana Adegbenjo from Awori village in Lagos
State. My husband is Pastor Matthew Adegbenjo from Ibarapa
local government in Oyo State. I am a pastor and a petty trader.
I am 56 years old. I have eight children.
My husband
My husband is a pastor, the Founder and General Overseer of
Christ Apostolic Church Redemption Centre in Ejigbo, Lagos.
He was a Muslim before he met Jesus. He used to be known as
Alhaji Mustapha Adegbenjo. He is also an engineer who specialized
in electrical and electronic engineering, but he left all
to serve the Lord.
Our marriage
My husband and I got married on April 2, 1989. We lived together
for 13 years before he got missing. We met in Ibadan in 1987
where I was selling food. I had been separated from my former
husband for three years. I lived in Abeokuta with my former
husband. After our separation, I moved to live with my elder
brother in Ibadan. I was with my brother for five years until
I married my present husband. He came to my canteen, ate a
few times. One day, he came to me and said he saw me as his
wife in a dream. I told him to go and sleep again so he could
have another dream. But he persisted. We married 18months
later. I saw in him sincerity of purpose, genuine love and
all these convinced me to marry him even though I had ruled
out marriage after my first marriage.
What I miss most
He is very caring. He loved my company and dotes on me. Everyone
knew us as Mr. and Mrs. We were always together and we always
wore the same clothes. He ensured we lacked nothing. I have
lost many things in one. I cannot quantify my loss at all.
Persecution
Many people turned against us when my husband became a Christian.
They accused me of bringing him to a new religion. We lived
in an Islamic area of Ibadan, an area called Agungun at Idi-Obi.
We lived very close to the mosque and Police Station in the
area.There was just a house between our house and the mosque.
It was that mosque my husband used to attend when he was still
a Muslim. He performed the pilgrimage to Mecca in 1982.
It was not easy for us to continue living in that area after
he took up a new faith. There was much pressure and much persecution.
He was well known in the area as "Alhaji Pastor".
Even the senior wife I met at home joined in the persecution.
She left Papa saying she married him as a Muslim. Papa loved
his new faith. He went for "Morning Cry" everyday
to preach. He established his own church, which is called
Christ Apostolic Church Redemption Centre in 1999. He said
God directed him to move to Lagos. We came to Lagos on May
5, 1999.
New faith
Papa’s dedication to his new faith was much. As a house
owner, he left his home and moved into an uncompleted building
in Ejigbo area of Lagos. We used the compound for the church,
while we slept and counseled in three rooms in the building.
In 2001, he decided to sell the house in Ibadan so he could
build his own house in Lagos. The person who bought it did
not pay in full. The first part of the money, which he paid,
was used to buy a plot of land at Egan also in Lagos. The
foundation of the proposed building was laid in December 2001.
Six months after this, my husband went to Ibadan to collect
the balance of the money for the house. He said if he got
the money, he would go to the Redemption Camp to pray for
a few days on proper directions for the family and the church
before returning home. He promised to come back after three
days. When we did not see him after five days, we went to
look for him. He was a man of his word. But we were told that
nobody saw him. Only one man, a neighbour to his younger brother,
said he saw him in Ibadan the very day he left Lagos. Since
then no one else has seen him.
Things are very rough
Things have been very rough for us. The owners of the building
we lived and operated in came six months after Papa left to
say they wanted to start building again. They eventually ejected
us forcefully. Our property were scattered. We had no money
to rent another house. We went to my in-laws in Ibadan and
we were given some money from the balance of the proceeds
from the sale of my husband’s house, which the buyer
paid to them. My in-laws strictly instructed us to go and
build something on the land my husband had bought before he
got missing. As the money could not do much, so we just built
one large room with aluminium sheets and used the same sheet
as roof.
This is where we have been living since July this year. However,
while we have a place to store our property and sleep, our
movement to this place has affected my children’s schooling
and the older children have left home. Two of them now manage
with their friends while one of my step children living with
me is disabled.
My two children, a son and a daughter were attending secondary
school at Jakande Estate, Isolo. By moving away from Ejigbo,
they have missed almost one term.
Transportation from our new place to their school is about
N250.00 daily per child. Many times they have to sit on each
other’s lap and bus drivers and conductors could be
highly unco-operative with school children in this area. We
have tried to get them into public secondary schools around
us. Such transfer is difficult while the private schools are
too expensive for us.
In addition, where we live at Egan is not fenced and it can
get very cold. Feeding is tough and crucial so we settle that
first before thinking of those going to school. We are now
trying to secure another accommodation around our old place
so that the children can at least complete their education.
My stepson who is disabled used to have a shed near our former
house that he used as a cobbler’s workshop, repairing
people’s shoes and polishing them. In the course of
moving, his toolkit got missing. We need another one for him
and a shed where he can operate.
Suspicions
I had so many suspicions initially. Could it be that someone
opposed to his new faith killed him? Did he lose his senses?
Was he involved in an accident? But after some time, I repented
and asked God to purge my heart. Now I just look up to God
to fight for me and answer all my questions. It has been a
big blow. If anyone knows where my husband is, they should
please help me find him.
Double blow
My older children from my first marriage help us but as they
are married, they have their own responsibilities. The one
who used to give me the greatest financial and material support
suddenly died on August 6, this year. She was a caterer and
she was 37. She was married and had four children. She just
fell ill and died. She cared for me and was a helper I looked
up to. Her death was another big blow to me.
The search for my husband
We have gone everywhere. We went to some of the mountains
where he used to go and pray in Oyo and Ondo states. We showed
his photograph to several people. We have searched for him
all over the place. I cannot call myself a widow yet as I
believe my husband is alive and will still return. I do not
regret marrying him but I am pleading that whoever knows his
whereabouts should help us. We want him back home. The church
scattered when news of Papa’s unknown whereabouts got
out. Then just as we started gathering the people together,
the owners of the building sent us out.
I want a job or money to start a business. I want my stepson
to start his business again. I want my children to be able
to complete their education. We need money to fence the land
at Egan and put proper sanitary conditions there. But above
all, I want my husband back home alive. That is not too much
to ask for, or is it?
Pastor (Mrs.) Tinu Odugbemi is the Executive Director of Head
High International, a non-governmental organization championing
and defending the cause of Widows, Orphans and People Living
With HIV/AIDS. You can contact Head High International through
the secretariat at 258B Brown Street, Bungalow Scheme, LSDPC
(Jakande) Housing Estate, Oke-Afa, Isolo, Lagos.
Tel:- 08033046236/ 08052414522/01-7928310/01-2902023.
Email:- headhighcom@yahoo.com or tinutai2003@yahoo.co.uk.
|
