He died in my hands
By NJOKU ONYEKACHI JET
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
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•Mrs.
Olujumu
Photo by Sun News Publishing |
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When Mbaise, Imo State-born Mrs. Patricia Ngozi Olujumu said
‘till death do us part’ on her wedding day to
Engr. Ebenezer Eniola Olujumu, it was a passionate vow. Twenty-one
years after the demise of her husband, she is still as passionate
as she was when she signed the dotted lines.
In this interview, the president of the Catholic Widows Association
and the Principal of United Christian College, Apapa, Lagos,
narrates how death brought an early end to what was a blissful
marriage.
Meeting
I met my late husband, a geologist, during his youth service
year; I was then a secondary school girl. That was at Holy
Ghost College, Owerri, where my father was a senior tutor
and we happened to live in the same compound. When he secured
a job with Gulf Oil Company, now Chevron Oil, and made his
proposal known, there were disapprovals from both ends. However,
after three years, by then we had begun our courtship, both
families gave their consent. Hence we tied the nuptial knot
in 1977.
His death
He suffered Nephritic Syndrome for years. For this period
of years, he was treated at the Lagos Teaching Hospital (LUTH);
we tried Alternative Therapy without success. It was at the
point of trying to fly him outside the country that he died.
It was not until after his death that LUTH was able to diagnose
what the ailment was. He died right in my hands in Owo, Ondo
State precisely on January 21, 1985. He was 34 years and I
was 30 years. The union was then eight years, which produced
a girl and two boys of ages 5, 3, and 1.
Burial
Being a Yoruba man, it was low-keyed. The Yorubas do not hold
an elaborate burial for their young ones. But then, his colleagues
and employers rallied round, bought the casket and assisted
in the burial. His entitlements were fully paid by his organization.
In-laws
It was a grievous loss to all so there were no grudges by
anybody. My in-laws were very supportive and insisted that
no one touches his properties. My in-laws stood solidly behind
me all through.
What I miss about him
I miss his exceptional loving and caring nature, I find it
difficult to remarry, rather I have dedicated myself to take
care of our kids. To tell you the level of his care, at that
time, he had already written so many things in form of a will
and titled it ‘My Will’. He listed the people
he was indebted to and those indebted to him. He wrote also
that nobody should disturb his wife and children and pleaded
with his family and friends to help train up his children.
I must confess that they have indeed been of immense help.
Last words
His last words to me were: ‘Pat do not be afraid, God
will be with you’. Then, severally he would ask if I
would be able to take care of the children and my reply was
that we both would take care of them. But death was the last
thing I ever imagined. On one occasion, my reply was yes and
it was after this time that he gave up the ghost. Now, two
of these children are graduates with the last about to graduate
next year. I know this will add to his joy wherever he is.
Another world
This same man I married, if our paths cross in another life,
I will still marry him. It is his great love that has sustained
me this 21years.
Association for widows
It is something I started as Widows Fellowship in the Catholic
Church parish where I worship. The vision I had was to prepare
the widows to live a good Christian life, how to pray down
God’s favour, to teach them the virtues of a good Christian
mother, with or without their husbands. This received the
blessing of the Catholic Charismatic.
To those widows who felt that the world had ended by losing
their spouse, I served as an example to them having being
in it for twenty-one years. They came to realize that they
are a special breed, loved by God. We brought together our
petitions such as accommodation problems, finance, employment
and even emotional problems and prayed over them. We received
God’s blessings through people who started showing interest
in our members. A particular woman gave 20bags of rice; another
20 wrappers while another gave cash. There have been other
countless gifts and these were shared to our members according
to their needs.
Advice
The first thing I tell my fellow widows is to hold onto God
and put their total trust in Him. I do refer them to the book
of Jeremiah 49: 11 and Isaiah 54: 45. More often than not,
I advise them not to bear grudges or hold it at heart that
someone killed their husbands. Whatever God did not allow,
would not happen. Widows should come off self-pity, anoint
themselves to radiate with joy and be forward looking. They
should be engaged in meaningful activities and be hardworking.
God Himself won’t be happy seeing them dull and dejected.
He is the judge for the widow and father of the fatherless.
He will lead them on.
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