‘My father-in-law
made mockery of my husband’s corpse ’cos he died
of AIDS’
By AGAPTUS ANAELE
Sunday, July 9, 2006
 |
•Emem
Photo by Sun News Publishing |
|
It was sad enough in 2003 when Mrs. Emem John-Akpakpan lost
her husband to HIV/AIDS. Few months later, her 11-month-old
baby also fell to the deadly virus. And Emem was devastated,
to say the least.
Left with her five-year-old son, Emem grappled to overcome
the shock.
But according to the widow, she received the rudest shock
of her life when her husband’s body was conveyed for
burial.
Rather than treat the corpse with the usual solemnity associated
with bodies, her husband’s family allegedly treated
hers with disdain, even mocked it publicly.
During the National Action Committee media tour of the National
Response to HIV/AIDS in Calabar, Cross River State, Emem told
Sunday Sun that the old man even assured her that she would
soon die the way his son died.
However, if the treatment was meant to break Emem down, it
has emboldened her to take up the challenge of fighting the
disease with all the weapons in the armoury.
“Well I just left everything in God’s hands because
as at then I had no strength and many people thought I would
die the next day. But why I decided to come out openly to
do this work is because my father-in-law brought out my husband’s
corps outside and publicly disgraced it by saying that he
died of AIDS and that I was going to die very soon.”
Now, Emem is a source of inspiration to many that are afflicted
with the virus, and who often turn to her for moral support.
She tells her story further:
HIV positive
“It was in 2003, when my husband was sick, then my mind
was telling me that he might be HIV positive. During my antenatal
clinic, I went for test at the University of Calabar Teaching
Hospital and the result showed that I was positive. I put
to bed one month later.”
Ignorance
“Incidentally, the nurses knew that my sick husband
was HIV-positive but they refused to tell me. It was when
he was going down that I discovered that he was positive.
That was one of the reasons I decided to do the test.”
Coping
“Well, I just left everything in God’s hands because
as at then I had no strength and many people thought I would
die the next day. But why I decided to come out openly to
do this work is because my father-in-law brought my late husband’s
corpse outside and publicly disgraced it by saying that he
died of AIDS and that I was going to die very soon. That was
why I became strong, that nothing was going to happen to me,
and that nothing can harm me.
“My in-laws did not tell me to quit the house, but because
of how they treated my husband’s corpse, I left the
house to join my mother. We are from Akwa Ibom state but my
mother lives in Calabar. My mother is a petty trader and my
dad was working at the University of Ibadan.”
Source of strength
“There are many things that drive me to do what I am
doing. I discovered that if there were awareness about the
virus, my husband wouldn’t have died, so I believe that
when I go out there and talk to people, they will listen and
believe me.
“Sometimes I meet people that are so down but when I
talk to them, they look at me and say that if I could survive,
they can as well survive. That is part of what gives me strength.”
Son
He is five years old this month (July). The other one died
shortly after his father’s death. He was only 11 months
old.
Support
“Apart from my church, the Church of Jesus Christ of
Old Days Latter Saints, I have not gotten support from any
other organization. In my support group, we are 25 members,
and since we do not have funding, what I do mostly is home-based
care, counseling and referral of our members to areas where
they can access treatment.”
Medication
“It is just nutrition. My best diet is Garri with any
kind of soup.”
Stigma
“I don’t care what nobody does because I am open
about my status.”
Suitors
“Men approach me for friendship, but when I tell them
that I am HIV positive, they find it difficult to believe
me. Some accuse me of lying to them. My status has not stopped
men from toasting me. They keep coming.”
Future plans
“Naturally, I plan to remarry and have my on kids. My
dream man should be HIV positive so that he will not have
any undue advantage. I won’t like to marry somebody
that is HIV negative.”
Lucky man
“I don’t know yet.”
|
