He died while we were
praying
By AGATHA EMEADI
Tuesday, June 6, 2006
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•Barr.
Rhoda Ako
Photo by Sun News Publishing |
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Hers is a case of total submission to her husband and her
marriage. And in return, Barrister Rhoda Ako is still reaping
from the fruit of her submissiveness. She is the Comptroller
of Customs in charge of the Lagos Industrial Area Command.
The mother of five recounts vividly how it all started and
why she remains ever grateful to her late husband, Barrister
John Ako.
Early marriage
The same week I left secondary school was the week I got married
to my husband. I moved into his house as a secondary school
girl, but today I cannot thank him enough for my achievement
so far. I also thank my father who was a strong advocate of
girl-child education and to God I give all the glory for sustaining
my life.
Though my father was an illiterate, he realised the importance
of education especially for my sister and me. He was of the
opinion that my sister and I must be empowered through education
because he would not be there for us at all times. According
to him, things might change, my uncles might maltreat us when
he would not be there, and one might be unlucky with marriage.
Therefore, he insisted that education was the only way out,
and the best legacy he could give us. My father made my husband
understand that marriage should not hinder my education. My
husband obliged and saw me through university education. Pregnancy
and childbirth did not stop me from achieving my set goals.
How we met
We met in Benue. We are from neighbouring villages, not far
from each other. He did not even know me because he did not
grow up in the village. He grew up in Kaduna. We just met
within our area and he asked his friend, ‘Who is this
girl, she will be my wife.’ One thing led to the other,
and we walked down the aisle 32 years ago.
His death
We were together in the hospital in Benue, but when we ran
short of money, I came down to Lagos with the intention of
going back that same day. Somehow I could not finish the things
I came to do in Lagos. My children called me and said mummy,
daddy is fine, he has eaten food, he has been playing with
us, and you can relax and finish your transactions. I was
very happy and got encouraged when I got that call. In fact,
I was telling everybody in the office that my husband’s
health had improved.
Then on Tuesday, I got another call around 4.00pm with a different
story that he was no longer as strong as he was the previous
day. I wanted to go back to Benue immediately. On a second
thought, I stayed back and quickly organised vigil within
the household. We were at the vigil until 3.00am. That was
exactly the time he gave up the ghost. At 6.00am, I woke up
and called immediately to find out how he slept, what I heard
was… mummy sorry, mummy sorry, the worst has happened.
Daddy has gone to the great beyond.
Memorable moments
There are so many things to remember. Our marriage lasted
for 32 years and it was no longer like husband and wife relationship.
Rather it was like little brother and little sister relationship.
We were so close and so united. Temperament and adjustment
became a thing of the past. We were so used to ourselves.
I remember how we used to drag over a particular piece of
meat in our food. I also remember when we were still having
children, he stayed with me in the labour room for all the
five children. At a stage in the marriage, everyone in my
household was in school. My husband never objected and we
would all go out of the house and lock the doors. My husband
encouraged me, supported and assisted me till the end.
Experience
It is a terrible experience no one wishes his or her enemy.
When you become a widow, you are faced with a lot of trauma
and depression. When such low moments come around me, I quickly
dismiss it. My strength lies in the Lord who is my saviour.
I hold firm to that Bible injunction that says, "God
is the father of the fatherless." I cannot remember how
many times I would wake up and cry in the night. I would cry
for hours all alone. The last time I experienced sadness and
sorrow, I also cried and asked God to give me what would put
laughter on my face. I read a portion of the Bible and slept
off.
Advice
It is not a sweet experience, but it is still not the end
of the world. If you weep all day, what happens to the children?
The fact that you are a widow does not turn you into a beggar.
I urge widows to sit up do what they can and leave the rest
to God. It is wrong for a widow to sit idle and expect manna
to fall from heaven in the name of widowhood.
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