Grace was inconsolable. Her boyfriend of two years just cheated on her with his co-worker. It was like a dagger was driven hard into her tender heart, piercing her insides. The pain she felt in her heart later gave way to anger and then doubts about herself and then to paranoia. Even though Robert has been remorseful and begging for her forgiveness ever since, things never remained the same between them.
Being cheated on is not a child’s play. No one wants to even imagine himself or herself in such a situation where there are betrayed like that. But life happens and things happen. Not only does it ruin the relationship you were in, but the hurt stays with you into the next one. This doesn’t mean the relationship suffers, but it does mean that some things happen a little differently.
Here are 10 ways being cheated on affects your next relationship.
Don’t expect to bounce back
When cheating happens to you, it’s devastating. It’s okay to be completely shattered. It’s okay to be bitter and angry and in bed for days too. A bad thing happened so take all the time you need before jumping back into the dating scene.
Take things slow
You have been burned before, and nobody is keen to full-speed into a situation that makes them vulnerable again. Being monogamous means trusting someone to remain faithful, and it’s going to take some time to build that up again. So, take things slow.
You have to be honest about how your last relationship ended
When you get cheated on, it’s possible that you are still carrying some residual feels. Obviously, you don’t need to start a first date with “I was cheated on and I’m watching you”, if things start to get more serious, giving a heads up might help them be more understanding of the following points.
Problems from your last relationship will be fresh in your mind
Your previous partner cheating on you was not because of anything you did or didn’t do. But it’s natural to have those thoughts. Was I too clingy? Was I too critical? Was I too trusting? As hard as it may be, it’s important to start with a clean slate and focus on what’s right for the current relationship, not relationships of the past.
You will probably become a little paranoid
This is natural. You trusted someone, they broke it. You trust someone again, what if they break it? A caring partner will totally understand this, and should be patient when you need a little extra reassurance.
The fear of being paranoid might stop you from speaking up
After being cheated on, you won’t be sure whether or not to say you are uncomfortable with something out of fear of it seeming like you are just being overly sensitive. Your feelings are valid no matter how many times you have been burned, and it’s best to say something makes you uncomfortable right away than to let it build up inside you.
You will be constantly comparing things to your past relationship
It’s not fair to treat people based on experiences with someone else, and although it’s inevitable that you will notice similarities and differences, and maybe be wary of them, don’t let it become your life.
Small things may open old wounds
You are likely sensitive to certain things depending on how your last breakup went down. An unanswered text, a close girl friend, cancelled plans. These things are likely to happen during the course of a new relationship, but could hit close to home based on your last one.
You will probably still get upset about your ex
There will always be details and irksome moments to rehash, especially if it just happened. Being sad about an old relationship doesn’t mean wanting it back, and as long as it isn’t consuming your thoughts to the detriment of your new one.
Your new relationship is going be great if you work on it
While being cheated on hurts, it doesn’t ruin you, and won’t stop you from starting over with someone new. Slowly but surely, your new relationship will blossom, and your partner will cement themselves as the secure, caring individual you deserve. All you need is to focus on your present relationship, taking your partner for who they are and trusting them all over again.