Are you aware there are couples who in the absence or demise of their better halves are completely lost, confused and cannot do even basic stuff for themselves? These people even curse their dead spouse for dying.
Case in point:
A friend lost his wife some months ago. He didn’t know to recharge Dstv, PHCN pre-paid meter or even how to get to the dry cleaners. These simple tasks became very hard for him to accomplish.
He provided the finances and that was it, his wife literally did everything running the house. She knew the generator mechanic, plumber, electrician etc. He didn’t even know where his children’s school was located, neither did he know any of their teachers. You may be tempted to call him an absentee father and that money isn’t everything, but that is not where I’m going with this.
He was a complete mess for months after her demise and it was the most trying time of his life according to him. How can he just wake up one day to play the role of a father and mother to four kids below 10 years?
Her demise took a toll on him and months later, he is still grappling to come to terms with his new reality. He hated her for leaving unexpectedly and without any warning. I had to remind him it wasn’t her decision to make. He had every opportunity to learn and even do all the things she did running the house, but he never made any effort to.
Unfortunately, reality has hit home. He is taking it one day at a time. Although his mother-in-law moved in temporarily to help with the kids until he figures out his next line of action, he is still a mess.
What if his mother in-law was no more as well? He would probably hire a nanny for his children, send them off to his siblings or hurriedly remarry. With these three options, the kids will still be exposed to many elements and they are very young to put up with harsh realities of life.
Surveys and studies consistently point out that even though many women work as well, they still tend to do most of the household chores. Even though full time house wives who depend on their men for all their financial needs are also left in such state of confusion at their husbands demise, this article is not pitting men against women, it is about men and women deliberately living responsibly.
It is true that when people get married, some kind of complacency kicks in even though they took care of their household chores while single. Why does it magically stop being a responsibility because you are married?
Marriage is not a give and take arrangement in all cases. You must continually give if you are married, so step up for your own good, even without being asked to help out, lend a hand. Your partner will even appreciate you more.
It doesn’t matter how reliable your partner may be, take out a day or two every month to do some basic things they do. You may say it is not easy to be a bread winner and adding household chores to it, but you have to try. Be flexible. No gender is inherently better at cleaning, cooking, laundry, childcare etc. Like anything else, those are learned skills.
So, it is your own back up plan, it’s the tough love you deliberately work your mind and body through so that nothing takes you completely off guard. No one knows what the next moment would be like.
Go grocery shopping, cook, drive your family to their various appointments, clean the house, fix the car, electrical and plumbing maintenance, manage your finances, engage in child care, do the laundry, mow the lawn, do school runs, walk the dogs and so on.
You will be surprised the number of spouses who cannot remember their own children’s date of birth, neither do they know where their important documents are securely kept, their next doctor’s appointment or emergency medication during health crisis until the need for such arises.
It’s never an easy journey to wake up to the reality of losing a spouse to death, divorce or change of location due to work. Although life never promised it would be a bed of roses, some life’s lessons will break you, so guard against such eventualities.
Learning and doing some of these basic things at home will enable you stay afloat if the need arises until you are ready to move on and not hurriedly take life altering decisions.
Re: Why you shouldn’t be covetous
Your article on spirit of covetousness didn’t sit well with me at first, but thinking about it and reading through it again I agree to an extent that it is mostly greed and not out of genuine need.
It is the spirit of covetousness that will make a single woman go to any length to make a man throw his wife and children out, so he that marries her. It is also the reason people kill to inherit other people’s properties. Greed is the mother of covetousness.
I always look forward to reading you on Saturdays. I wish more people can take few minutes of their time to read and understand some of these life lessons you write on. May your ink never run dry. This is quite apt. Thank you.
Only wicked people don’t like to give to the poor. You are saying all these because you are wicked and hate to give. If you have and you don’t want to give, just say it, not to write on why rich people should stop giving to the poor.
You literally were talking to me. I used to be like that until I started losing friends. They avoided me and I didn’t know why, until one of them opened up to me. It took me sometime to overcome that perpetual beggarly spirit. It’s not a good thing at all.