The success of couples is best advanced in an atmosphere of marital stability. It is a fact that cannot be disputed. Where conflict rules in a marital union, feuding couples are not the only victims; children, dependents, and in-laws also suffer.
There’s a popular maxim: Behind every successful man there is a woman. This is true, but that statement cannot stand for all eternity. In this era, singles do succeed even where couples fail. Some nations are now being led by successful Presidents who are single or divorced.
There are many single mothers and fathers, or other unmarried folks, who run big corporate bodies successfully. Even faith-based institutions like churches, which doctrinally forbid divorce, are being run today by divorcees, widows, widowers or single persons. That does not mean that this writer endorses divorce, but we cannot run away from the problem by pretending it is not there. You do no harm to a problem by discussing it. That, in my view, is the first step to solving it. Nobody likes divorce, but it is here.
No genuine Christian servant of God consummates a marriage with the objective of dissolving it. Couples do not go into a marriage for the purpose of breaking up. These things happen, usually, to the displeasure of those involved. When people invest money, time, emotions, reputation, faith, and put their ministries on the line to go into marriage that eventually collapses, they should be prayed for and comforted, rather than vilified, ridiculed or condemned, as most of us do. Who feels it knows it.
Divorcees suffer enough hurt, they need to be prayed for, counselled and loved. The growing cases of marital crises are a product of wrong foundations, or lack of knowledge. Other factors are lust, immaturity at the time of consummation, mismatch, family and friends’ intrusions, wrong counsel, and insincerity during courtship. Other issues are personality conflicts, infidelity, temperament, incompatibility, poor parenting, demonic influences, intolerance and living outside the word of God.
These are foundational issues that most intending couples cannot perceive during courtship. They have been the main causes of marital crises from the days of Adam and Eve, until now. The Devil attacks marriages because he knows that when the family disintegrates, the will of God for their lives may not be fulfilled on earth. So, if the foundation is destroyed what can the righteous do? (Ps. 11:3)
Satan subverted the prophetic destiny of man by attacking the marriage of the first couple – Adam and Eve; and he is still doing so today, on an even larger scale. That explains the global phenomenon of divorce, single parenthood, child marriages, and marital strife everywhere. This crisis cuts across racial, religious, ethnic and political spectrums.
The Devil knows that when the home is in a mess, society would be messy; human progress will be hindered and the mental peace and stability required for people to pursue their dreams cannot be attained. The dysfunction of the global economy is directly linked to the degeneration of our moral and cultural ethos, which has bred corruption, immorality, perversions, and abuse of trust, looting of the common patrimony of the people by wicked leaders who have no love for the electorate, and lack of the fear of God, which is the beginning of wisdom (Pr. 9:10).
It is a fact that certain leadership positions are reserved for married men or women in some corporate bodies. Many nations still prefer to elect married men or women into the office of President or Prime Minister; in such societies, divorcees or single parents have no chance of attaining such exalted leadership positions.
A good marriage obviously brings peace, joy and progress. It is a bulwark against the crises of life. When couples are united in God’s love, they produce good children. A good marriage mitigates the inevitable fear of death to which all men are subject, because if either partner in a marriage dies, the dearly departed’s legacy could be preserved by the surviving partner. Many widows of great ministers of God, especially pastors, have continued their husbands’ work successfully to the glory of God.
Widows of businessmen who left huge investments, estates, business empires and other fortunes have gone ahead to consolidate, expand and preserve such investments to the good of humanity. That’s what a good marriage does. When a partner in a good marriage is out of work, sick, or indisposed in any form, the other spouse, if fortunate to have the means, could provide for the family during such trying times. Single parents don’t have this buffer.
In essence, a conjugal relationship is key to societal health, harmony, peace, joy and progress, because nations are composed of families: Every nation is a congregation of families. The perpetuation of humanity is the function of families. Ideally, families are raised through marriage, because that is how God ordained it. Procreation could take place outside marriage, but that is for animals created to be in the lower estate.
Animals are allowed by God to procreate without being married. Man is created in the image of God. Therefore, he is to procreate within marriage. To have children out of wedlock is against the will of God. That is why ‘fatherless’ or ‘motherless’ children from fornication or adulterous relationships often lack proper care, and if they are not fortunate to be brought up in the ways of God, they end up as social miscreants and hooligans
(To be continued)
Weekend Spice: No matter how bad it is, it could be worse – Robert Schuller
Ok folks, let’s do it again next Friday. Stay motivated.
Ayodeji is an author, rights activist, pastor and life coach. He can be reached on [email protected] and 09059243004 (SMS only)