Romanus Ugwu
The Biblical injunction, which stipulates that any man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel, certainly puts men in emotional pressure. Such divine directive is perhaps reason family financial burden rests squarely on the shoulders of men.
House rent, children school fees, purchase and maintenance of family car, responsibilities of extended family members, feeding, clothing, building projects and many more are largely considered naturally as the exclusive reserve for the men. These overwhelming responsibilities may have contributed in reducing the life expectancy of men especially in Africa.
However, there seems to be a departure and or counter narrative to this age-long belief in the Federal Capital Territory (FCT), Abuja. Popularly and derogatorily tagged Abuja marriage, young men in Abuja have devised fraudulent means of fighting the harsh realities of the economic situation in the country by parasitically surviving on Abuja working class spinsters.
Catching on the desperations of the ladies hunted by the realities of the prime of their child-bearing age, in addition to pressures from parents mostly at home anxiously expectant of a son in-law, many Abuja young men have continued to deceive ladies, dangling the sweet carrot of marriage at them. Their modus operandi is the same.
They usually package themselves into an attractive brand. They look clean, presentable, gorgeous, tempting, larger than life and in most cases are smooth talkers. However, beneath these qualities lay the deceptive weapons they usually deploy to disarm and win the favour of their target desperate ladies.
In most cases, they clinically finish their mission before their targets could realise themselves. With just casual promise of marriage, they parasitically depend on the unsuspecting ladies for feeding; accommodation, free sex and for endless stream of income through borrowing. They practically turn the rich and comfortable spinsters to cash cow.
Cutting across married men and singles, investigations confirmed that they usually deploy all manners of deceptive excuses, ranging from pretentiously borrowing from them to investment in a venture; to the flimsy excuse of their landlords renovating their apartments to convince the ladies to accommodate them for sometimes.
Single lady victims lament ordeals
From all indications, working class ladies desperate to settle down are mostly the victims of these conmen masquerading as lover boys. Most of them who spoke to Daily Sunconfirmed that having met financial target with their jumbo monthly salaries in secured employments, bought exotic cars, comfortable accommodation but hunted by age and biological hostilities, the desperation to settle down usually blindfold them from the emotional hawks, preying on them.
Chioma, a staff of a new generation bank confessed: “I have been a victim severally. The moment some of them see you as a banker, they would conclude that you are comfortable. That was how one of them from Edo State toasted me and before I could know it, he had spent more than one week under my roof.
“I would feed him, give him free sex almost every night and still give him small amount of money. He kept bringing his belongings everyday and pleading for time each time I tried to protest his continued stay in my apartment. I allowed him stay that long on the pretence that his landlord was renovating his flat and that marriage might possibly work out between us.
“But, when I realised his intentions, I woke up one Saturday morning and threw his belongings outside and ordered him to leave and never to come back. He begged and applied all kinds of emotional weapon, but unfortunately for him, I had made up my mind. I was also lucky he did not get me pregnant.”
But she did not learn any lesson as she narrowly fell victim to two other men that masqueraded as prospective husbands: “After two other encounters, I had to learn my lesson in a hard way. They came with all manners of tricks to win us over but like the saying goes, it is easy to give monkey drinking cup but difficult to retrieve it from him.
“However, the truth is that most ladies are consciously hunted by child-delivering age. Come to think of it, you have money, good job, decent accommodation and every other thing working for you, but no husband as you clock above 40. It is not easy for most Abuja working class ladies.”
Another victim, Juliet, was not as “lucky” as Chioma: “I was introduced to a man by a mutual friend on Facebook. Since we were both singles and living in Abuja, he persuaded that we easily start a relationship. The first time we met, when he came to see me in my office, he was all I wanted in a man, a CEO with employees.
“I thought I had met the one I have been desperately expecting, but two weeks into getting to know each other, he requested that I lend him some money. I didn’t even think twice because I thought he was worthy and would pay back since he had things going on for him.
“Everything changed after then, he would not call, he would not even pick up when I call and would only call back whenever he wanted. Still, I would cook and take to his house. My goodness, I was so desperate to be loved. He started coming back for more money and I would always give.
“When it concerned him, it was hard for me to say no. This went on for a year plus till I realised myself. He would say things like ‘he is not ready for marriage till five years’ time.’
“It is two years now and he is getting married, not to me, but to an entirely different lady. He still has not paid what he owes me; he has refused to do that. I don’t know how I am going to get my money back. I am certainly hurt that he did not choose me, but I am more injured that he took my money and perhaps used it to marry another lady. Finding love in Abuja is nearly impossible.”
Another victim spoke in confidence: “I have not come to terms why Abuja guys are wicked. If I have not been a victim, I would not have believed that it is happening. I once gave a young man close to me then N150,000 to deposit in the bank for me. He actually opted for that and I agreed since I have known him for some time now, but it took me more than eight months to recover my money.
“Initially, I was still considering not to embrace him and was asking for my money gently until the day I traced him to his house to ask for it again then I saw a lady with three kids and still pregnant in his house.
“Confronted with that, I promptly arrested and dragged him to the police station. I got my alert of the money I gave to him within 10 minutes. I never cared what police did with him again. Once some guys find out that a lady is soft and desperate for marriage, they will want to do everything to cheat her.”
It was also a narrow escape for Funke: “The incidence of men defrauding desperate ladies in Abuja should really be a source of worry to every reasonable lady. I once met this fresh-looking guy who lied to me that he stayed in England. He told me that he just came back to the country.
“Our relationship did not last up to one month when he called me on phone that I should please borrow him N50,000 to pay for his car in the mechanic, promising that he would return the money the next day.
“Fortunately for me, I was very busy that moment and I promised to get back to him. Later when I was done in the evening, I remembered and decided to call him back to send the money. Behold, the network operator told me that the number did not exist. I went to his Whatsapp only to shockingly notice that he had even blocked me. That was how I escaped his trap.”
In accordance with the popular saying that if hunters learn to shoot without missing, the birds will learn to fly without perching. This aptly applies to Happiness Ujunwa. Her narration: “I had met one clean-looking, handsome, young man who should be in his 30s. The first question he asked me was how much is my salary and where I am staying.
“Trust me, as a confirmed Igbo lady who has passed that road previously, I deliberately lied to him that my salary is more than N300,000 and he shouted ecstatically. Even the blind could see the excitement on his face.
“After a duration of one month into that union, he pleaded with me to borrow him N1 million, promising to pay back later. He lied to me that he fixed his money somewhere and it would mature in a month’s time. But, when I told him that I also fixed mine somewhere that would mature in a year’s time, he picked offence and warned me never to call his telephone line again. Just like that.
“That was where the romance ended even before it was consummated because he disappeared thereafter when he could not succeed in his evil plans to defraud me. I did not call him as he directed and he never cared to call me either. I was not surprised it has become the trick the so-called Abuja big boys successfully use to survive on desperate Abuja ladies. They must repent.”
Why men are merciless
A young man who could not confirm his involvement or disclose his identity told Daily Sun: “Mind you, those in it don’t do that under gunpoint. For me, I don’t see anything wrong with that. It is a game, which if you play well, yields result for you. We knew that many working class spinsters in Abuja are too desperate to settle down with a man.
“Nobody is talking about the men many heartless ladies have wrecked their lives and sent back to the village if they eventually survive the mental torture they inflicted on them. I have no pity for any woman who falls victim of the antics of helpless Abuja young men.”