Could you tell us how you met before two of you got married?
Sir Enemuo: What you will know is that what God has said would happen, would happen. I didn’t know her before we got married. There was no courtship unlike what the children of nowadays do. I saw her and liked her. I approached my brother and told him that I saw a lady I liked. We went and met her. We smiled at each other. That was it. I told her that I liked her and would like to marry her. She was okay with my proposal. We never knew each other before then. That was how we started.
Was it the same thing with you, or are there details you would like to add?
Lady Peace: That was exactly what happened. When he disclosed his intentions, it was okay for me.
Was there any opposition from anywhere, relatives, friends, concerning your marriage?
Sir Enemuo: I never knew that she and my younger sister were friends when I was going for her. They used to fetch water together. Whenever she came around to call my sister so that they could go to the stream, my heart would be telling me something. So, when I told my people about her, they approved it. They never opposed it. In fact, they didn’t bother to run a background check on her because they already knew her.
Lady Peace: Nobody opposed our marriage but when he proposed, I told my people about it. They told me that they would, first of all, run a background check on him, which they eventually did before we got married. They told me that they had some friends in his neighbourhood who they would ask some questions about him and his family. They never opposed it. My father told me to go ahead, that his brother who got married earlier was still living peacefully with his wife.
What made you decide to go for your wife out of the many ladies available for a pick within that period?
Sir Enemuo: I think mine was a journey of destiny. It was destined to be. If you meet the one that is supposed to be your wife, your heart will be pleased with her; it will be singing hallelujah. You’ll just be excited. The kind of experience Elizabeth had when she was pregnant with John the Baptist: the baby was jumping in excitement in her womb. So, if you meet the one that is your own, you’ll have this feeling that you have found your lost rib. The time I went for her, I saw many ladies but my heart didn’t accept them. The day I set my eyes on her, I fell in love with her.
What qualities made you choose him above other eligible bachelors or suitors within that period?
Lady Peace: Why I accepted him was because it was something of the heart. As at that time, others were coming but I never liked any of them. But I loved him. I fell in love with him. Marriage is about love. When you see somebody and like the person, you go ahead. But if you don’t like the person, you can turn the man down. My heart accepted him and I told my mother that he was the one I wanted. So, it is God that brings together two people that are meant to be together as husband and wife.
Could you remember your first misunderstanding in marriage? How did you handle it?
Sir Enemuo: There is no marriage that is entirely free of misunderstandings. Misunderstandings occur but if you’re living peacefully and in good terms with your spouse, the misunderstanding is usually very minimal and can easily be resolved. A third party has never been involved in our misunderstanding. We resolve our differences in our bedroom. And we usually play and laugh over it. We apologise to each other and that would be the end of it. And there has never been any serious matter that occurred.
Lady Peace: He is correct. You see, love covers sin.
There is a high rate of divorce these days. What do you think is the cause?
Sir Enemuo: In my mind and also based on my own experience, there is a difference between how we, the old generation, went about our marriage and how the present generation are going about theirs. These days, you see young girls carry their bags and relocate to men’s houses and their parents in such circumstances would be looking for them, thinking they got lost. That thing they call love normally doesn’t last more than a year. When they now get to a point where they are supposed to discuss critical issues as husband and wife, trouble will set in. This is because such love is not genuine; it is not from the heart. It is either the man is rich or the girl has a meaningful job that is fetching money and that is usually the attraction. Once that point of attraction finishes, trouble will start. And such trouble is usually hard to settle or control. That’s one thing I observed. Another thing is that children of nowadays are always impatient. It is said that marriage is better entered into with one eye. But some open their two eyes and when they no longer see that thing that attracted them in the first place, the marriage will come crashing. It is better to ‘close’ one eye when you are in a marriage. Many men who are addressed as husbands are not truly husbands because they lack patience in their marriage. I must agree that hardship is a contributing factor but when you are patient in your marriage, with time, things will get better.
Lady Peace: I agree with him. This is because during our time, young ladies didn’t co-habit with men. A man cannot do that either just because you have a meaningful job. During our time, no matter how rich you may be, you must go to the house of the person you want to marry and see her people.
What view do you hold about courtship? Do you think it is necessary before marriage? How was it during your time?
Sir Enemuo: It is not good. Children nowadays think it is good or necessary. They say that they want to know the person before marriage. But a bag that must be opened, does it need to be pinched by the side to know what is inside it? You must eventually open the bag. So, why pinch it? Children nowadays think that they are wiser; they want to go and know the person first. If you know everything about the person before marriage, how would you be able to condone some things? If you know everything about the person, there won’t be anything new again and as a result there won’t be tolerance. You won’t be able to tolerate each other and overlook some things. Some people would rather see such ‘wisdom’ as foolishness. So, courtship that is being practised by this new generation is not good. My first daughter never knew her husband before they got married. And her husband never knew her. They just met and liked each other. They have been living peacefully till today and will continue to live peacefully by God’s grace. So, I don’t support courtship. If you see your wife, go ahead and marry her. When you want to marry, pray to God to guide you, to give you your own wife or husband. A girl will just pack into a man’s house in the name of courtship. Maybe after ‘courting sheep’ they will start ‘courting goat.’ During my time, there was nothing like courtship. It didn’t exist.
Lady Peace: I have nothing to add here because he said it all. That is one of the causes of the problems in modern-day marriages. I don’t support courtship. If the children of nowadays will steer clear from cohabiting in the name of courtship, it will help them. When you marry, you face your marriage. It is not good to live with a man before getting married. A man may not be doing so well in his business, but when they marry their rightful wife, in some cases, the girl comes with good luck; things will begin to change for the better for them. It is so vice versa. If a girl marries a man that is not supposed to be hers, she may not break even and shine as she is supposed to shine. So, I don’t support courtship. A man is supposed to go to a girl’s house to seek her hand in marriage as it should be.
What advice do you have for young bachelors who intend to get married?
Sir Enemuo: I advise them to be patient. You’ll get whatever that is due to you if you are patient. A good wife is not everywhere. She is not easily found. She is rare. There are so many women out there but the moment you want to get married that is when you’ll know that good wives are scarce or rare. So, young men should be patient so that God’s plan for their lives could manifest in that regard.
What advice do you have for spinsters who intend to get married?
Lady Peace: I advise them to take things easy. When they take life easy, their husbands will locate them. But if it is this odd lifestyle where they pack into a man’s house for whatever reason, it is not good. They have to be patient because their husbands will locate them in due time.