He cannot keep a steady job, works very minimal hours. He has no goals or ambitions. Well it is obvious your husband is immature.
Njideka Nwapa-Ibuaka
Dear Njigirl,
I have been married for four years but I am ready to call it quits. I didn’t know my husband is so lazy until after we married. I work extra hard to be able to feed our 10-month-old child because he refuses to work full time. He only goes to work days a week and does not contribute to the household.
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Every time I bring it up he will remind me that I am the one that wanted to be married and have a child therefore I should be responsible for the home and upkeep
of our child. I can’t take it anymore. Do you have any recommendations for me because I am about to call it quits?
– Cecilia, Abuja
Hello Cecilia,
Immaturity is a major problem in many relationships. I can’t imagine how a father will make a statement like “you are the one who wanted to be married and have a child.”
I am upset at this statement. You ask what can you do? The first thing to do is to make sure that you are able to take care of your child. The second thing to do is to take care of yourself. The third thing to do is to continue to care for yourself and your child. You may ask: why should I remain in the relationship? His immaturity makes him selfish as well because he can’t handle family situations whereas you are equipped by nature with supernatural powers or so it seems. But you are human and deserve attention and care also. Let’s start by asking what are the signs that show him as being immature?
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He is not committed to the family. In your case he blames you for being married and having a child. He does not discuss any issues that pertain to the family.
He can crack under pressure easily.
He yells for the slightest provocation.
He is extremely selfish and only thinks of himself.
He cannot keep a steady job, works very minimal hours.
He has no goals or ambitions.
Well it is obvious your husband is immature. So let’s try to answer your question.
As for you the effects on you are:
You lose your peace of mind
You are unhappy
You become impatient, snapping at very minimal situations.
You just want to scream at your husband, put him face down and give him the spanking of his life.
So what are you going to do?
Well you need to confront him first. You should talk to him kindly and involve him in family issues. Perhaps he will accept and conform. Also try to appreciate whatever small contribution he makes to the home. You need to be extremely patient, and understanding and then have the staying power for the sake of your 10-month-old child and your own sanity.
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Good luck,
■ Dr. NJ