According to reports, three First Ladies left ‘za oza’ room and “met” at the airport. One, the highest ranking, was in the aircraft…
Usoro I. Usoro
Here is the news: An association of political virgins in Akwa Ibom State has released a table-shaking, sorry earthshaking report on the recent fracas that involved three first ladies at Victor Attah International Airport (VAA).
An uncommon birthday for an uncommon man
The group, Virgins Against Gross Indiscipline and Nature Abuse (VAGINA), after an investigation spanning one week, traced the problem to “human nature”. In a report tagged: “Martha of the Moment!”, the body likened the airport fight over who should receive Mrs Aisha Buhari to a masquerade-carrier forgetting he is human.
According to reports, three First Ladies left ‘za oza’ room and “met” at the airport. One, the highest ranking, was in the aircraft; while two others – an ex and the current First Ladies of Akwa Ibom State engaged in sumo-wrestling to have the first handshake with Aso Rock’s fresh perfume. Suddenly, as they say in Warri, “kasala burst”!
The “release” from VAGINA was probably the 100th since the Martha, sorry, matter. According to blind observers, APC issued about three. PDP countered. Senator Akpabio’s Campaign Organisation had its own. Udom’s Divine Mandate also issued a statement. What about Nsima Ekere; the Police; DSS; Market women; Boys scout; airport workers; birds flying across the tarmacs and even association of madmen near the airport? All those who claimed to have witnessed the show of shame issued “statements” or “releases”. We are still expecting some from the Drivers’ Union; Jobless Political Women Group; Permanent Flag-flying and Uniform-Wearing Women Association; Saints in Politics; Political Clergies; Virgins-Maternity Wards; Grandchildren of Virgins, etc!
However, asked to explain the import of the VAGINA “release” filled with innuendos, the leader of the group, Mr Okpon Esehe, a father of four, went philosophical. Quoting Mahatma Gandhi, he said: “The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.”
Me: Oga, break it down to our devil, I mean, level. Please, hurry up before the new Ibom Air arrives. ( I “ran into” him at VAA and he’s lucky to be alive. Maybe, because I wasn’t exactly a “trailer”!)
Mr Okpon Esehe: What I meant is that the quest for inordinate power was at the bottom of the show of shame at the airport. Mrs Buhari left here with a bad impression of our women. And our politicians.
Me: Your “release” blamed the confusion at the airport on “human nature” and made allusion to “a masquerade-carrier forgetting he is human”. What did you mean, exactly?
Okpon Esehe: Thank you! By human nature, I meant the insatiability in humans. Even with power, man still fights for more power. Like Lord Acton would say, power ends up corrupting man and its excess corrupts absolutely. Thus, man ends up destroying himself with the power he desperately seeks, if not careful. To your second question: Not long ago, a vehicle crushed a masquerade-carrier at Nwaniba. The masquerade had refused to give the vehicle right of way. Simply, the man behind the mask must’ve forgotten he was still human. I think that’s what happened to Mrs Akpabio!
Me: Hey! That woman is my former Oga’s wife. She’s not power drunk or overambitious. In fact, when in 2008, some colleagues begged me to arrange for them to interview her; Mrs Akpabio begged me to beg my begging colleagues to leave her alone. She said she wasn’t a politician and preferred her quiet and simple lifestyle in the background. “Usoro, you and your oga should go and do your politics. I am not a politician”, she said. So, how can you even think she would be involved in the “politics of power struggle”? Didn’t you read the APC and Sen Akpabio’s statements?
Okpon Esehe: Calm down and listen. Mrs Akpabio of 2018 is no longer that of 2008. In 2008, she was Mrs Unoma Godswill Akpabio. In 2009, she became Mrs Ekaete Unoma Godswill Obot Akpabio…
Me(interjects): …And what is wrong with that? What’s the difference?
Okpon Esehe: I’m trying to show you the difference or is it the metamorphosis? Her political change in name probably introduced her fully into politics. It influenced her open exhibition of power. She was said to have swayed appointments into any office she desired. In fact, at the official commissioning of the modern Press Centre at the Government House, she reportedly shocked the invitees by overriding the husband’s directives in allocation of offices. The governor’s aides she didn’t like never got offices – which got either locked down or given to her very junior aides, against government protocols. We also heard another allegation of the former First Lady chasing former SSG Umana Umana out of office; locking the door and keeping the keys till the husband returned from Abuja. Later, she was reportedly so powerful that she, singlehanded, picked a governor for a whole state!
Me: Speculations! My Oga’s wife is not like that. In fact, she used to give us food, with meat inside. Once, after I survived various attacks and blackmails, she hailed me: “Usoro! You are like the beetle! The more they try to kill you, the more you roll over and survive.” Now, tell me, how can you compare Mrs Akpabio to a masquerade-carrier?
Okpon Esehe: You see, for some persons, as they grow older, they tend to forget certain things. For instance, PMB forgot that he was 75, last year, and claimed 72, until a nosy reporter drew his attention to it. The FG and VP Oshunbade, sorry, Osinbajo have forgotten that Lawrence Anini was the first to, intermittently, donate questionable and unverified amount of money to some Nigerian traders in public. So when Osinbajo goes to markets located in the South West to “spray” between N5,000 and N8,000 instead of the publicized N10,000, someone must be forgetting something.
My point is that Mrs Akpabio must’ve forgotten that she’s no longer the First Lady. She shouldn’t be blamed but pitied. It’s human. It happens to me, too. Sometimes, I even forget my name. But the husband or overzealous aides should’ve reminded her. After all, the senator used to announce how he looked forward to being a former governor. And he used to chide Obong Attah on why he allegedly kept assuming he was still the governor, long after the baton had changed hands. The Senator’s wife should’ve been reminded that Mrs Buhari wasn’t in Akwa Ibom on a private visit. And government protocols insist that the First Lady of a state must receive the visiting wife of the President!
Anyway, Okpon Esehe is entitled to his views. But truth is, the unnecessary show of force deprived us of an opportunity of asking Mrs Buhari the identity of the two powerful entities caging PMB. Anyone from Akwa Ibom, so we know where the distant drums of war in this state is coming from? And, oh! We also lost the chance to know if there are syringes now in Aso Clinic. Personal ego interfered with official protocols and clear headedness!