When some societal issues are discussed among men and women in some quarters, people give and react differently probably because of their experience or relationship with others. It became necessary to ask if married women are actually taking a revenge on men? Years back, married men were the manufacturers of love antecedents with younger girls and it posed challenges to many marriages. It became so bad that such randy men got various names ranging from ‘sugar-daddy’, ‘Aristo’ to ‘old and faithful’ etc. The women cried foul, ran a rat race in search of solution to their men’s infidelity. Some took it to the cross, some sobbed and sank in with the problem. Some bold tricks by women brought solution, while the chicken-hearted stood aloof and watched their men exercise their sexual and financial powers with much younger girls, who became their ‘side-chics’. Some went as far as equipping their girls better than their wives who lived with them at home. What was the offence of these women, one would ask? “They have given birth to children and gained weight in the process, they are no longer ‘hot babes’ rather became madam with saggy big stomach, fallen breasts who look less attractive to their hunks.” These labels sort of stuck to such women. A lady once said in an interview: “My husband does not appreciate me, no matter how hard I try, he constantly reminds me of my excessive weight after going through three caesarean deliveries. He finds me less attractive and does not go out with me.” So many women who are being castigated today for infidelity were pushed out by their husbands because of such flimsy excuses. This was exactly how Clara found solution to her bitter marriage to young Michael at the gym.
Today, when one juxtaposes the rate some married women run after, keep and maintain much younger boys between the ages of 25 and 35 with brazen boldness, it simply means the table has turned around. The reverse has become the case. The same way men rent houses, pay bills, take care of their side-chicks and get sexually satisfied, that is exactly the way some Internet married women maintain their young lovers who in return flatten the ‘dreaded big stomach’ with their strong, hard muscular bodies, holding the women tightly like pythons holding onto their prey as they pump away and take the women on a rapturous ride to the moon and back in the ‘other room’. The same way husbands get jealous over their girlfriends when they see a competitor, wives get very bitter when another woman is making eye contact with their honey-boy. One simply asks: are women taking revenge on men, for the bitter experience of yester-years? Are they now finding relief, appreciation and sexual satisfaction in the hands of young boys who admire them since their husbands see them as logs of wood? Has it become a competition to ‘compare and contrast’ couple’s unending infidelity among themselves because it is no longer a hidden secret. Women who are involved in such act are simply saying we cannot sit at home and watch events pass us; we also have the right to live our lives to the fullest. It has become a case of since men have learnt to shoot without missing, the women have learnt to fly without perching as the bird, Eneke Ntioba was believed to have said in the popular “Things Fall Apart” written by legendary Chinua Achebe.
Interestingly, some men are very aware that their wives keep young lovers or at best get sexual satisfaction outside their marital homes, but cannot do anything about it. Some know that when they pursue such cases, they are bound to lose out. They, therefore, swallow their pride. Some decide to watch and pray while their wives run around and enjoy themselves, in the much the same way some women watched and prayed as their about-town husbands ran riot and engaged in affairs with younger women. Some lazy men have become the nannies perpetually at home while the women go out to earn income to sustain the family. In the process of taking the man’s role, she also takes off with her young lover for weeks all in the name of business trips just like men do as far as she is bringing something to the table. With UBER service thrown into the mix, and the trend of ordering food from shops, suspicions and gossips have been silenced, and people move on.
Apart from infidelity, married women also go to popular bars and other places to engage in social drinking to their satisfaction like men do. They take two to three tables and fill them up with edibles and alcoholic drinks of all sorts, and make merry. As men get intoxicated and talk without control, so also do these married women consume alcohol excessively and misbehave. The same way married men invite and take their girlfriends out for a drink, so also do some married women call on their ‘hen-peck’ side husbands to join on the drinking-spree. People mistake these scenes as happy couple enjoying an evening not knowing it is the other way round. Whatever that transpires between madam and her lover after the ‘drinking escapade’ in a hotel will be a story for another day. Back home both Oga and Madam would come back in a shocking pretence that reads ‘all is well’. Every late homecoming is blamed on the Lagos traffic.
Again, let us not forget the financial power that has just descended on women in the last two decades, unlike the golden ages where married women depended on their husbands for financial provision. Gone are those days. Women now call the shots. They have become the ‘cash-cows’ without minding whose ox is gored. It used to be the turn of men to hold sway as kings of money. The yoke has been broken. Married women are into big time businesses where good cash comes from, they are big time politicians, heads of parastatals and shop owners. They own landed property in choice areas and get involved in various trades that yield financial leverage. The translation from the grapevine also means there is a limit to the rubbish they can take from their husbands. What one cannot get at home, she buys from outside with her money. Ever since poverty of ‘thought content’ scale fell off the eyes of some married women, the narratives changed fast, the cries and complaints that were associated with the men’s attitude have reduced greatly. Tit-for-Tat is the new rule of the game.
No corner is safe with this problem. These women whose lovers address as ‘Mummy’ are found in churches, offices, schools, neighbourhoods and at social events. From discussions, it works like magic.
Ultimately, the question is who will save this situation? Who will bell the cat? Between the adulterous men and their women, the die is cast; who will blink first? Who will stop this mess first? I simply refuse to mention the areas where this atrocity is most prevalent.