Some recent surveys show that women are bigger cheats than men. It is hard to believe that because several factors point to the contrary.
Early Exception
Let us note upfront the possibility of the trend in boyfriend – girlfriend situations where the females, poor and without steady income streams, are driven by money in their relationships. They may not be resident in brothels, but there are many women, mostly single women, who maximize their cash inflows by the number of men they ‘love.’ There are many of these ‘lovers’ in urban areas in Nigeria, a country where the culture is not permissive of a woman with many more men than one.
Not just sex
Cultural demands apart, it is an attested reality that unlike men, women are not driven by sexual desires. Although the average woman is built biologically to have sex, it is not the first demand in their relationships. A woman will rather have showers of attention, compliments, and assurance first. It is in this comfort zone that sex becomes pleasurable to her.
It is unlikely that a woman in the company of a man will stare at another man, but his man is even likely to also turn back for another look at an attractive woman.
Experts say that unlike men, although women are wired to have emotions and respond to sexual stimuli, their objective bodily responses don’t reflect their subjective mental desires.
There is considerable evidence that women seek and place a premium on a sense of intimacy and emotional closeness with their sexual partners.
“In addition,” Dr. Noam Shpancer says, “the female orgasm is less reliably achieved than the male’s. The odds of enjoying casual and anonymous sex are lower for women. Thus, a woman who wants to increase her chances of enjoyment and minimize her chances of harm is better off getting to know her partner well before she gets to sex.”
These are reasons, why I am more comfortable with surveys that show that, although men are still in the lead on the infidelity table, the percentage of women in that risky game is on the increase.
More believable
This survey sounds more credible. According to Dr David Holmes, a psychologist at Manchester Metropolitan University, women are having more affairs than ever – recent studies say the figure is around 20 per cent for men and a bit over 15 per cent for women – but they behave very differently from men when they cheat.
‘The biggest difference is that women are much better at keeping their affairs secret,’ he says.
‘If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that between eight and 15 per cent of children haven’t been fathered by the man who thinks he’s the biological parent.’
According to the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey, the percentage of wives having affairs rose to 14.7 percent in 2010, while the number of men admitting to extramarital affairs held constant at 21 percent.
Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, a licensed Marriage and Family therapist, explains that women have become more financially independent, social stigmas have been lifted, and attitudes about women engaging in sex have changed – these are the three main factors driving more and more wives to cheat.
So, no competition! Men lead in the cheating game. But that does not suppress concerns over the increasing number of women who cheat or that fact that women cheat at all.
Reasons women cheat
Women thrive on emotional attachment in their relationships. When work pressure on their men, prolonged absence from home, and other reasons snap the cord, the woman becomes emotionally starved and lonely. Left lonely in marriage, the woman naturally turns elsewhere for emotional attachment and stability.
Experts are agreed on these other reasons:
Low Self-Esteem: Women with low self-esteem, depression, unresolved childhood trauma, and other similar issues may seek validation through romantic and sexual activity. If someone wants them in “that way,” they feel worthwhile, desirable, wanted, needed, and loveable.
Revenge: Sometimes women feel betrayed by their partner (usually either financially or sexually), and they use infidelity as a way to retaliate.
Lack of Sex at Home: Women usually enjoy the physical act of lovemaking as much as men do, and they also enjoy the feeling of being wanted, needed, and desired. Rather than end the relationship, they may seek a little sex on the side as a way to meet their physical needs.
Sex and/or Love Addiction: Some women engage in a never-ending stream of sex and romance out of addition
Unrealistic Expectations: Some women expect their partner to meet their every need and desire (even when they don’t bother to share what those needs and desires are). When their partner inevitably fails them, these women will sometimes turn to someone else.
Wanting to Leave a Relationship: Some women find it easier to cheat to force their partner to end the relationship, rather than ending it more directly or assertively. Other women know they want to leave, but they are not willing to do so until they’ve got another relationship lined up.