It’s funny that whenever disrespecting one’s spouse is mentioned, people quickly look at women as the guilty party.
This is because this society has taught men that all they need from their wives is respect. This is why many men believe that they are not disrespecting their wives when they talk to them anyhow or when they cheat on them without remorse.
Every human being deserves to be respected. Even children deserve some respect. You cannot be disrespecting your wife and expect her to respect you for treating her like trash. That’s not the way things work.
In marriage, husbands and wives should respect one another, treat one another with love and patience and make sure they are on same page on issues that may crop up to test their commitment to one another.
Are you disrespecting your spouse without knowing it? Do you feel that because you are a man you don’t owe your wife respect? Do you feel superior to your wife because you have been taught that your wife must respect you because you have a male organ?
You are destroying your marriage gradually. You are teaching her how to shut you out of her heart and life. She may stay with you just to keep up appearances of staying married but her heart will no longer be with you.
Men and women who are fond of reminding their spouses of their past failures and mistakes are disrespecting them. If something happened in the past that has been dealt with and forgotten, keep it there. Stop resurrecting your spouses’ past mistakes and failures just to get back at them. That’s not fair.
Everybody has a past. Every human being has failed or made mistakes at one point in their lives, so stop using your spouses’ past against them. Let go of things that have already been worked through and settled. If there are unresolved issues that were never dealt with, take steps to resolve them with your spouse and move on.
When you expect your spouse to be like your friends, you are disrespecting them. Your spouse may not communicate with you like your best friend or want to know the complete story you want to tell down to the very last detail like you do with your bestie, but that doesn’t mean you should resort to name calling and insults.
Appreciate your spouse for who he or she is and learn how to dwell in peace with the person you have chosen among many to spend the rest of your life with. If you feel they are not meeting up in the area of communication and spending quality time with you, let them know.
Your spouse is not a mind reader. If you don’t tell them what you are feeling and what is going with you, how will he or she know. This is one of the areas people disrespect their spouses. Expecting the man or woman you married to guess what is eating you up is disrespectful. You are putting that person in a difficult position of trying to guess what is going on with you. If you have something to say to your spouse, say it with tact. If you want something from them that they can give you at that time, let them know. Don’t play mind games where you are thinking, if he really loved me, I wouldn’t have to tell him that I want him to give me money or if she really cares she would pay more attention.
If you respect your spouse, you will communicate openly with them. You won’t become Emperor Nero at home hoping your wife reads your mood to know what’s wrong with you. Your spouse will be so grateful if you will ditch the mind-reading game and just have some honest and gracious communication.
You should know that your spouse is not your child. Stop treating your spouse like a child. Your spouse doesn’t need you to continue mothering or fathering them like their parents did. So, treat your spouse like an adult that they are. If you are unhappy about their behaviour or attitude, let them know about your feelings immediately.
Men don’t think like women do. They are not good at multitasking like women are. In some cases, they are not as organized like women and tend to mess up things. Women should do away with the idea of raising their husbands like they raise children. When you talk to your husband with the same tone you use with your children, it’s disrespectful.
Correcting or criticizing your spouse in public is one of the ways to disrespect them. You don’t do that and expect to have a peaceful marriage. What examples are setting for outsiders concerning how they should treat your spouse?
When you point out your spouses’ faults, criticize, or correct them in public they feel stupid in front of others—and that’s demeaning. It is especially bad when you do this in front of your children. Would you want same behavior from them? The answer is no. So, when next you are tempted to do that, put yourself in your spouses’ shoes.
You disrespect your spouse when you resort to the silent treatment instead of talking about what is hurting you. Whenever you use the silent treatment to manipulate your spouse, it harms the both of you. The silent treatment is a hostile punishment tool.
Don’t make things more difficult by clamming up or stuffing your anger. If you are hurt or angry, talk it out with your spouse. Be honest in your communication, and remember that your spouse is your other half not your enemy. Silent treatment is a form of abuse. It is as harmful as it is evil.
Withholding sex from your spouse is bad for your marriage. The gift of sexual intimacy is an expression of love. It’s a physical demonstration of unity. Don’t withhold yourself to punish your spouse, and don’t use your intimacy as a bribing technique either.
If you truly love your spouse and respect them as your life partner, you won’t use sex as punishment or a bargaining tool to get what you want. Wives should stop using sex to get money for clothes; shoes and human hair form their husbands.
Sex is also not dirty. Men and women should stop forming holiness with their spouses. Enjoy sex with that person you married and rid your marriage from sexual frustration. If sex is good, many things will be made right. It unites couples in unimaginable ways.
Flirting with other women in the presence of your wife is very disrespectful. The fact that many wives pretend this is not affecting them doesn’t mean that they are not hurting from your irresponsible actions. How can you be with your wife still be shamelessly drooling over other ladies without decorum?
When you lie to that woman whom you have sworn to love and cherish till death do you part, you have disrespected her. She deserves to know the truth and anything otherwise is disrespectful. Cheating on her is also a huge betrayal of trust and you also disrespect her when you cheat.
I know that Nigerian men have been raised with the mindset that they are polygamous in nature and can have as many women as they desire. But these men should also remember that women are no longer taking their cheating lying low. Many men are fathering children from their wives’ away matches and they think they smart. I laugh in wickedness. Treat your spouse the way you want you want to be treated. Love and respect your spouse and your marriage will be heaven on earth.
Re: How to know your partner is not the one
I agree absolutely with your piece. As you rightly said, marriage is a life-long journey that requires a conscious and deliberate informed decision to avoid lamentations and pains that come a long with willful and pretended ignorance occasioned by desperation to quit lonely life at all cost without thinking of future consequences. It’s time our young men and women wake up and go into relationships knowing what they want.
-Pst. Stephen, Abuja
Finding a partner is about the most intricate search a human being can embark upon. We are differently made with diverse orientation. We all know who we are. We know what we don’t have. Do we have any justification to find fulfillment in a partner?
A dullard wants an intelligent partner knowing full well that this person might not have the patience for slow learner. Why are we attracted to the opposite? A miserly lady wants a free giver. It will be a matter of time before the weaknesses are exposed.
Why must pretend just to win someone over? We all have set standards. You want to take a good guy home to meet mama. Most cases parents know you don’t deserve it but only wish you well.
Relationships will continue to have problems when reality dawns on such people. And neither can anyone hold down a reluctant partner for long. Though l am not in support of trial marriage, but it could be a way out for would be future partners. Please don’t invest too much emotion while it lasts. Well done madam.
My super woman, well done! You always put wisdom in my brain every Saturday. I always love to read your articles because you dish out wisdom weekly. I have learnt a lot from your articles. You have help me become a more confident and outspoken woman.
-Gift Onuoha, Lagos
For the first time, I agree with you even though you still found ways to throw unnecessary jabs at Nigerian men. You should learn to respect men because men are heads. No matter what you write against men, you cannot change nature and God’s order of things. Women are beneath men.