One day, one of my finest male friends who is a chronic womanizer called to announce he was getting married and the next question that came out of my mouth was: “Who’s the unlucky girl?”
I didn’t know when that came out from my mouth but my friend laughed anyway. He knows how sarcastic and straight I can be. He asked why almost all his friends feel she’s an unlucky girl. “Am I really that bad?” he asked.
You are not bad in that sense, but you broke a lot of hearts who genuinely and selflessly loved you. You had girls fighting over you on your street and house all the time. You obviously took their love for granted because you were busy playing games.
I made a few suggestions to him as a friend because from all indications, it was an impromptu marriage. I suggested he moves out of his present neighbourhood for starters so that people won’t start disrespecting his wife.
He has had a thing or more with almost all the beautiful girls in his neighbourhood. Some he asked out, most flirted with him and because he couldn’t control what’s in-between his legs, he ended up having sex with many girls in his area.
Some women even threatened and fought because of him because of the way he plays games with some of them.
You can imagine how it feels when almost all the girls in the neighbourhood know the size of your man’s manhood. Who even knows if it’s a last finger size?
We had a long laugh but he understood my point. It’s on this premise I suggest that he leaves that neighbourhood. He needs a fresh start in a new neighborhood with his new wife if he truly loves and respects her.
I told him: “You have to hang your womanizing boots forever or for some time. You need to know that marriage is for the matured minds. It’s waking up and going to bed everyday knowing that another person’s happiness and health depends on your every actions and inaction. If you must have a side chick, you must be very discreet about it. Give your erection a sense of direction.
You are very handsome, popular and a head turner any day, you are conscious of that and have always used that to your own advantage. Ladies make passes at you even when you are with another woman or obviously not interested in them, it is time you made it obvious that other women can trip all they want, but you have eyes for your wife alone.
As a player who never had long-term goals with women because the chase is always better than the catch, you are always quick to dispose girls once they have served your purpose. This one is an entirely different woman you are not allowed to do that to. If you get bored, which will definitely happen, find better ways to spice your relationship up. You can’t just up and live like you use to.
Marriage only works when two people involved don’t take each other for granted. So, guard against the spirit of ‘see-finish’ which makes it easy to start taking your wife for granted because you are now married.
Make your house your home, you don’t just quit or walk away when you have disagreements, you don’t call your ex-girlfriends or upload their pictures on your phone to spite her or start comparing her with your ex girlfriends.
Work out your differences like adults. Your wife will do many things that might be upsetting but you must learn to forgive her short comings and correct her in love. Be willing to communicate and communicate some more.
It will not be easy, but it will be worth the ride if you put your mind to it.”
We talked some more and at length too but one thing I know or feel for sure is he will make a good husband if he behaves responsibly and his woman understands him.
Beside women being his weakness before now, he’s a good guy. He is someone who is genuinely caring, so in a way she’s a lucky girl.
To all the men who are done playing and want to settle down, this one is for you all. Go and make us proud. Don’t marry and keep acting single.
RE: ARROGANCE IS NOT A VIRTUE
Thank you very much Amaka. Your article on arrogance made my day. Arrogance is indeed not a virtue. Thank you for educating us and I wish you more grace.
Your approach to issues of life as seen in your articles has taught me a lot. I wait patiently to read your article every week. You use your life experiences to teach some of us lessons that are humbling. Arrogance is surely not a virtue. I learned that the hard way. It has been a long time you wrote on sex as well, hope you have not stopped completely? Amaka’s Diary is my Saturday’s favorite.
–Samson. O, Lagos