To feel free in a relationship is a wonderful thing. If you don’t feel like a little child when you are with your partner, you are in bondage.
I know a woman who has been married for over eight years who dare not welcome her family members in her home because of her husband’s tall order. He banned her relatives from coming close to her or their children.
This poor woman has begged, cried, prayed and even threatened to leave him but he remained adamant. She has reported him to their pastor but nothing changed. She was told to submit to his decision. They have three children who don’t know their mother’s relatives.
I heard of a woman who doesn’t send money to her parents because her lord and master, sorry husband commanded her not to try it or he would send her packing. This woman is heartbroken but she dare not go against her husband’s orders.
This woman complains to her neighbours all the time that her husband doesn’t allow her send money to her parents, the people who brought her into this world and raised her. I wonder how she still calls herself that wicked man’s wife. I don’t know how women survive in such relationships.
It is sad that many women are not free in their relationships and marriages. It is also sad that they are not doing anything about it other than complain, whine, cry, complain and whine some more. I don’t know how these women can still have sex with men who treat them like slaves and continue having children for them.
How can a woman be in a relationship or marriage where she’s not free? How do women stay with men they ae not feel free to be themselves around? How can a wife not be free to live her life, take decisions regarding her own family because of one man she had the misfortune of marrying?
To feel free in a relationship is a wonderful thing. If you don’t feel like a little child when you are with your partner, you are in bondage. If you can’t tease your man, laugh with him, play with him and be free with him, you are not in a relationship, just wear your slave tag in peace.
If you don’t contribute to issues when they arise at home or your man takes decisions regarding your life, children and family without consulting you, you are in bondage. You shouldn’t give a human being like you so much power to control your life like that.
If you can be yourself around your husband without being afraid, then you can proudly say you are a wife. That’s how you should feel. You can get judgment and criticism from the rest of the world but feel peace around your partner. Nothing beats the feeling of being completely free with your man.
As a wife, if you can wear whatever you are comfortable with, you are free in your marriage. You don’t dress like his mother in the village because he doesn’t want other men to look at you. You know some women who would never dare wear the things you wear around their husbands, but you wear it happily around your husband because he likes to see you happy.
If you can’t say that other men are handsome to the hearing of your man, you are not free in your relationship. One of the signs you are free to be yourself around your man is being able to point out cute men. Simply acknowledging that other men are attractive doesn’t threaten your relationship because your man knows he’s your number one.
Being free in your relationship means walking up to your man and telling him that you want to have sex. Some women are dying of sexual urges because they can’t tell their husband that they want to have sex and enjoy the thrill of orgasms. Telling their husbands that they desire them sexually will earn them horrible names.
It is heartbreaking that some men believe that they are the only ones who deserve to ask for sex. Such archaic men only have sex when they want it. They don’t care about their wives or how they feel or what they want. It is funny that when some women want sex, they will start beating around the bush.
If you don’t feel entirely secure in revealing your sexual appetite at any given time to the man you are married to, you are in bondage not a marriage. Telling your husband that you desire to make love to him is one of the beautiful ways your sex life improves in a long-term relationship.
Many women in marriages are always fearful because of what their husbands would do when they do what they want to do.
They are always worried about getting into trouble like children who are still living with their parents. I pity these women. How can an adult live this way and still claim they are married?
When you are married to man you are free to be yourself around, you never worry about being needy. You feel free to be needy. You have no problem calling him and saying, “Come home I’m lonely.” Some women can’t even ask their husbands when they are coming home. These women live like prisoners because they erroneously believe that wickedness is synonymous with being married.
Women who are free in their relationships claim affection from their men whenever they want it. They don’t beg for they will just lie down on their partner’s lap, obstructing his view of the television and all. They can hug and kiss their men without being afraid of being shunned or slapped. That is what it means to be in a sane relationship. They don’t cower in fear when they see their men.
If you cannot tell your husband when he’s being downright annoying, why are you pretending to be in a marriage? If you cannot point out things your man is doing wrong because you are afraid he might beat you or send you packing, you are a bloody slave. Stop claiming you are a married woman.
Women in good relationships and marriages take healthy risks in life, in career, business and in their social lives. They are bold to get more education, go for trainings and attend events that will improve their lives. They are upwardly mobile because their men are cheering them on.
If your husband stopped you from working because he doesn’t want you to be richer than him or he shut down your business because he’s jealous of your progress, you are in a bad relationship. If your man doesn’t want you to improve yourself since you married him, you are not free in your relationship. I pity you.
It is sad that some women explain away this insecure behaviour of their men by claiming they are being submissive. Submission is not foolishness and it is not leaving your destiny in the hands of someone who doesn’t wish you well. If a man is not adding value to your life, why are you calling him your man?
Many married women only have peace when their husbands are out of the house. The only time they have peace is when these men have gone to work or to their business place. That is the only time they can breathe well and be free to be themselves.
But when the man comes back home, they return to being deaf and dumb wives. They don’t speak until they are spoken to. These women don’t question their husband’s shady and irresponsible behaviour. They are just there like piece of furniture and yet they still have the nerve to hound single ladies to go and get married.
No woman deserves to be in a relationship or marriage where she is not free. That’s modern day bondage. If you are dating a man who wants to reduce you to a dunce please run away on time before it’s too late for you. Don’t say he will change after marriage. You are lying to yourself. Marriage doesn’t change bad men, it amplifies their wickedness. Women, be wise.
RE: MEN SINGLE MOTHERS SHOULD AVOID
READ ALSO: Men single mothers should avoid
Anytime I read from you, I am happy that there are still women who believe they deserve better than putting up with irresponsible men because they just want to be married. Thank you for sticking to your calling. You are doing a great job.
The way you talk about marriage is funny. Do you think it’s easy to get a man to marry? Ask the ladies going from church to church and praying for men to ask them how far how easy it is to marry. You outlined men single mothers should avoid as if single mothers have choices. These old cargoes should be grateful to get a man who will take pity on them and their children and stop choosing. Since you are teaching them how to choose, will you marry them?
I am a single mom and I have been told by some guys I have met at different times that they are doing me a favour by even dating. At first, I would cry because those words hurt but recently, I have been drawing strength from your articles. You have made me a better woman and I am proud to say that even as a single mom, I won’t settle for any chaff because of marriage. I deserve to be loved and respected just as I give love and respect to the man I will end up with. Kate, thank you.
This is your third article I am reading and I have deduced that you are just one angry woman poisoning the hearts of other women against Nigerian men. The only thing you know how to do best to castigate men. They can never do good in your eyes. Go and get married first, old maid.
I don’t know why an unmarried woman is writing about marriage. From all indications, you don’t know what it means to get a man to commit to marriage because your head is in the clouds or because you think you are abroad. Keep deceiving young ladies and single mothers; your place is in hell. Continue teaching them to be choosy until they grow old in their fathers’ houses like you.