There are certain signs to look for that will give you a clear picture as to whether you are really ready to get married, or not.
It was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives. Linda and Gabriel met three years earlier and fell in love. They enjoyed each other’s company and had almost the same interests and goals in life. They were the envy of their friends and colleagues.
After going through the normal ups and downs of their relationship, they decided to get married. It was like a dream come true for them. They were in the clouds because they both felt it was the best thing to do. Both families also gave their support and blessed their upcoming union.
But things didn’t go as planned. The wedding didn’t take place. Linda suddenly called off the wedding. She said she wasn’t quite ready to walk down the aisle. It was a big blow to Gabriel who wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Even though she felt bad about her last minute decision, Linda felt it was better to call off the wedding than manage a miserable marriage.
For many people, getting married is one of the biggest things they look up to as they come of age. Whether you are the type who has fantasized about your wedding day since you were a child or have been obsessed with images of walking down the aisle ever since you met that special someone, getting married is a serious act that can easily consume you.
But what happens when you are finally on your way to the altar, but you aren’t exactly sure if it’s the right decision? What happens when you suddenly realize that even though you love your partner, you don’t see yourself spending the rest of your life with them?
To help you clear that confusion on time, there are certain signs to look for that will give you a clear picture as to whether you are really ready to get married, or not. If any of the signs below apply to you, you may need to apply the brakes on your wedding until things become clear.
If you are more focused on the wedding than the marriage, you may not be ready to get married just yet. As much as we try to avoid it, many people get so wrapped up in the actual wedding that they neglect to put the same care, effort and commitment into the marriage.
Women are guilty of this. It’s natural as a woman to go into extreme planning mode to ensure that you have the wedding you have always dreamed about, but you also have to be very conscious of the fact that you are pledging your life to another person forever.
If the wedding is more important to you than the marriage, you are definitely not ready to get married at all. Instead save yourself the stress and finances, take a step back and ask yourself what about marriage truly appeals to you. If you are struggling to find the answers, it means it is not the time to say “I do.”
Being pressured by family and friends into marriage when you are not ready is a wrong idea. Whether the pressure is coming from your already married friends or your parents who are anxious to see you settle down, outside influences and judgment can easily prompt you to make a life time commitment to someone hastily instead of moving at your own pace.
As an adult who knows what you want in life, you must develop a thick skin and stop allowing others tell you how to live your life. It doesn’t even matter if these people are your parents. This is how people end up in bad and dysfunctional marriages. Ignore the opinions of others and follow what your heart says and if that means putting off marriage, then so be it.
For many women, it is very easy to feel like they are racing against time to beat the fertility clock before menopause hits. Society, as well as family and friends are also guilty of making women feel like their time is running out when it comes to marriage.
After you reach a certain age, you may start to go into panic mode because you are not married, but you shouldn’t. Just because some people found their soul mates and got married earlier doesn’t mean that you won’t find the same at an older age. Stop focusing on a ticking clock and instead focus on finding a mate that truly completes you. If marriage is in the cards, it will come.
As an adult, you know that one of the main components to a successful marriage is compromise. But if you are unwilling to compromise on some things in your relationship, whether big or small, chances are you are not ready for such an important commitment as marriage.
READ ALSO: Is marriage an achievement?
When you are single you don’t have to compromise and even when you are dating you may be able to get away with being uncompromising. However, marriage is totally different, as it requires love, respect and support of both parties. If you are unwilling to do this, putting marriage off for the time being is probably for the best.
If you don’t have a solid relationship foundation, you have no business getting married. In order for any relationship to last, there has to be a solid foundation and this includes marriage. A grounded foundation can help you get through the rough patches that occur in a relationship and you need your foundation to be rock-solid if you plan to get married.
To put it in simpler terms, if things are already shaky in your relationship, getting marriage is definitely not the band-aid to fix it. Put your energy into to repairing the problems in your relationship first before you even think of exchanging vows.
Couples who don’t discuss their respective morals and values before getting married shouldn’t get married. This is a conversation that should be had early on in the relationship because if your morals and values differ greatly from your partner, then you need to decide if things should continue at all.
Issues like religion, disciplining children and family commitments can vary greatly between two people and if neither party is willing to change or at least compromise, marriage is not advised. Your morals and values are who you are and you shouldn’t feel like you have to change them just because you so desperately want to get married.
If you are still attracted to other people, please don’t get married. You might end up hurting your partner. As a human being, there are times you see someone attractive, you look and admire, but there is a huge difference between acknowledging someone good-looking and being completely attracted to someone else besides your partner.
This is a gateway to cheating and you shouldn’t go into a marriage when you are still so easily tempted by others. Actually, you might need to be single for awhile until you get the attraction to others out of your system because if not, all of your relationships are likely to fail.
If you don’t trust your partner, why do you want to get married to them? Trust is one of the most important components of a successful relationship and you need it if you want your marriage to last. Regardless of the reason why the trust in your relationship is lacking or nonexistent, it needs to be repaired before you even think about getting married.
You can be in relationship with someone for years and still don’t know them well. It happens. You get so swept up in the intoxicating feelings of love that you decide on a permanent commitment like marriage when you don’t even really know the person.
If you are already engaged but don’t know your partner well, you need to slow down on the wedding plans and take time to truly get to know each other. Relationships aren’t all kisses and happy times; you need to get down from the clouds before you make the lifetime commitment of marriage.
RE: WHY SOME GUYS GHOST WOMEN
Kate, you are being sectional. If not, try to reach out to some men and hear them on this issue. A girl has ghosted me and till today, I have not heard from her. It’s a two side thing. I subscribe to the idea of speaking out, than to stay away from someone you say you love. It’s painful to be ghosted whether you are a woman or man. I advise that we should allow understanding to play a greater role in our relationships which will lead to a mutual break up.
-Mr. Franklyn, Abakaliki
All these weekly attacks on men is the reason you are not married yet. No man wants a woman who will be rubbing shoulders with him. I don’t even think you are in a relationship because you sound so angry and bitter at men. Looking at your picture, it is obvious menopause is calling your name and you still don’t have a man to call your own. Leave men alone.
-Michael Ibeanusi, Awka
The main reason men ghost women is emotional immaturity, it is a psychological affliction. Also, it is the fad among guys to use and dump women and then talk about it among themselves. Keep up your good work. I am your most adoring fan.
Your article draws more anger than sympathy. I felt like destroying such animals ghosting the tender hearts of women. Do such men ever think of the anger of God on them? How can you destroy the life of a woman because you need to sleep with her and move on? If such is done to your sister or even your daughter, how will you feel? Live your life for children yet unborn because the atrocities committed by the fathers are visited on the children even to the fourth generation. Save your wife and children from the agonies of your disgraceful lifestyle before they came because it will come, your belief does not matter to her.
-Mba. F. A., Abuja
Why some guys ghost women is very interesting but as a layman, I think some men have different and reasonable reasons to ghost some women.
Why do you think that it is only guys who ghost women? There many cases known to me where women ghost men. So your argument does not hold water.
Kate, I love to read you but I beginning to notice that you tackle only men and refuse to know that women also ghost men. And remember that sometimes, a man wants to be left alone. Sometimes, it is not good to tell a woman that it is over just like that because of heartbreak, so you have to do it gradually.
-Emeka Okoloeze, Ontisha
Madam Kate, frankly you are an explorer. Every assumed reason you mentioned why some guys ghost women are absolutely true. You really dug in deep.