If you have become too dependent on that man or woman you are in a relationship with, try to free yourself from their grip today.
It’s not uncommon to depend on your partner while you are in a relationship but if you cannot make a move, express an opinion or stay around people for long, then you might be dependent on your partner.
When you are in love with someone, you want to spend every moment with your partner, but it can quickly spiral out of control and be a cause of concern if you become dependent on your partner without having a life of your own.
One sad thing about being too dependent on your partner is that you will lose your identity. It will make you stop functioning independently inside your relationship. You forget yourself because you want to do everything possible to please your partner.
If you are not careful, love can turn into fear in your relationship. Instead of loving your partner, you might suddenly become afraid of losing them. When fear presides over a relationship, the relationship becomes destructive and drains you both.
People who are dependent on their partners find it hard to spend time alone. Finding yourself head over heels in love is one of the best feelings in the world. It’s so addictive that you want to spend every second of everyday with the person that’s making you so happy. Unfortunately, once that phase wears off, you have to face the fact that spending some time apart is what is going to give your relationship longevity.
Create some time for yourself. Go get your hair done, relax at a spa, hang out with friends, whatever you used to do alone, start doing that again. You need to give your partner a chance to miss you and there is no better way to do that than enjoying some time alone.
If you have alienated yourself from family and friends, you are depending too much on your partner. You haven’t seen your friends and family in so long that you have almost forgotten what they look like. Alienation while in a relationship is a serious problem that might damage your relationship with family and friends.
You need to understand that your family and friends loved you, supported you and were there for you long before you were in a relationship, so it’s totally selfish to just disappear because you are in love. Additionally, if your partner is encouraging you to stay away from your friends and family, they might be alienating you for future abuse.
Have you given up your interests and hobbies? Do you remember when you used to actually have hobbies and interests outside those you share with your partner? If you are having trouble recalling that time, then you are definitely too dependent.
It’s fine to do things together, but you shouldn’t abandon things that you enjoyed doing because you happen to be in a relationship. Not to rain on your parade, but if your relationship were to end, those interests and hobbies you have abandoned could help you get through it.
Oftentimes, when you are too dependent on your partner, you brush serious issues under the rug. You might be involved with a cheat, a narcissist, an alcoholic, or an emotional abuser, yet you continue to stay with them and hurting yourself. You prefer staying in an unhappy relationship to going through the pain of separation.
If you bend to your partner’s will at every turn even when you don’t agree with what your partner is presenting, you have become dependent. This behaviour sets a bad tone that allows your partner to think that they can do/say whatever and you will always let them get away with it.
Being a doormat is not the way to a lasting relationship, despite what you may think. The respect level that your partner should have for you is diminished because you never stand up for your opinions. Many Nigerian women need to speak up and stop being pushovers to their partners and husbands when they have something to say.
Regardless of how happy you are in your relationship and how amazing your partner is, you spend every waking moment terrified that your relationship might come to an end. You are worried that you may do something they do like, or not do enough or fear that they are searching for someone better.
When you fear losing your partner, you put in double efforts to make them stay. It is either you conform to your partner’s wishes, or you change. You might even use guilt as a tool to stop them from leaving. It is so bad that when you think of separation, you feel as if it’s the end of the world and the end of your life.
If you can’t and won’t make any decisions unless you run them by your partner first, you are depending too much on them. What you wear, what you eat, how you should handle a situation, all of these decisions and many more cannot be answered until you ask your partner for their input.
If you have been made to feel that you have to check with your partner before you make any decision then you should address the issue head on, but if you are the one who insists that you ask them first, you need to find out why.
Sometimes, we all want to feel like the people we love approve of our choices at some point in our lives, but the approval of others should never drive your intentions especially in your relationship.
This is an unhealthy behaviour and should be addressed as soon as possible because wanting your partner’s approval and needing it are two completely different things. You need to ask yourself why their input on all of your life’s decisions matters so much and why you don’t think you can function unless they wholeheartedly approve.
It’s natural for partners to meet each other’s needs. However, it’s unhealthy when you make sacrifices without getting much in return. There will be an imbalance in the relationship, and that often creates problems.
If you are dependent on your partner, you put all the blames upon yourself when your partner is upset, regardless if it actually has anything to do with you or not. Whether it’s work-related, family issues or a dispute with friends, you take it upon yourself to put all of your partner’s problems on your shoulders.
Finding out why you feel the need to place the blame on yourself is a much deeper issue that likely comes from an overwhelming need to please, not thinking you are good enough and fear that your relationship is in jeopardy if you don’t accept responsibility for your partner’s issues.
If you don’t recognize yourself anymore, you have become too dependent on your partner. Take a look at yourself in the mirror and reflect on who you are at the moment and the choices you are making. If you don’t recognize the person you see staring back at you, it means that you have lost your self-identity.
A few changes are expected when you get into a new relationship, but completely changing who you are is a serious issue. Whether you are encouraged by your partner or yourself to change everything about you, you need to understand that doing so won’t make the relationship last any longer than it’s supposed to.
Being interested and investing in your partner’s life is great, but everyone has to have their own life. If you have become too dependent on that man or woman you are in a relationship with, try to free yourself from their grip today.
You need to refocus your energy on your own life, what your goals, passions and aspirations are. You must also give your partner a chance to devote as much time and energy into you as you do with them, otherwise you will end up being abused.
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RE: SIGNS YOU HAVE GIVEN UP ON YOUR MARRIAGE
Dear Kate, I am impressed that you advised couples with marital issues not to go to religious leaders for help. You are right; they have way of making things worse. My story is a sad one. A female pastor advised my wife to leave me after we sought her counsel. She advised my wife wrongly and she left me, she now lives in another state. Please keep your flag flying.
It is appalling that an unmarried woman who doesn’t know anything about the challenges facing couples in marriages dishes out satanic advice to married couples every week. If couples don’t go to their pastors when they have marital crisis, where should they go? You don’t want people to break free from your unholy hold so that you can continue to turn women against their husbands. Jezebel, go and get married.
Dear Kate, in fact I have to thank you immensely for your write-ups every Saturday concerning relationships. The things you write make a lot of meaning and I must confess I have learned many things from you. Don’t be distracted by some elements calling you names. I wish to state that you have won a disciple through your pen and have touched so many couples. Well done, continue the good work.
-Ezinna Vitus Nwosu, Ojo Alaba
I really appreciate what you are doing with your write ups. I love last week’s article because it was direct, straight to the point and educative. Please keep it up and don’t let those men who hate the truth get at you.
-Ann Matilda, Ogun
I have followed your articles for months now and I must say you have a way with words. Even though you may sound forceful sometimes, you tell the truth. You write from the heart, you don’t sugarcoat things and you always have the interest of women at heart. I appreciate what you do. I am learning from you how to treat my wife well and I must say that things are getting better between us. Thank you for not giving up on your mission despite the attacks you get every week.
Your preposition that all religious marriage counselors should be avoided is an error, and very misleading. There could have been some counseling errors here and there, but to generalize is a grave error of judgment on your part. It will be difficult for a born again Christian marriage counselor to deliberately mislead people. Are you not aware that many marriage problems are demonically manipulated? In that case, no professional approach will solve the problem.
-Pst Chukwuka Ekeoma, Onitsha