THIS particular conspectus of errors is just to whet your appetite ahead of syntactic surgeries (a la Prof. Adidi Uyo of Unilag) next month! Most of the mistakes in the print and electronic media are the manifestations of carelessness, loose thinking and ignorance. We must be consistent in the use of either British or American English — mixing up both variants in any lexical environment shows slipshoddiness.

Also note that most media audiences are sticklers for purism. For those in this finicky and fastidious class, any egregious slip counts. Unfortunately, most people who commit these facile and schoolboy blunders are persons who should know but because incorrigibility has affected them they have become ignoramuses! Why, for instance, should some journalists describe themselves as ‘media practitioners’ instead of ‘media professionals’? Doctors and lawyers practise medicine and law, respectively, clearly unlike the fourth estate.

I am not a linguistic diagnostician, but I can perform lexical and structural surgeries and make efficacious pharmacological/therapeutic recommendations based on knowledgeable familiarity with infelicities (and some of their typologies) that border on grammar, logic and rhetoric, which I had referred to elsewhere in this column as the pillars of the English language — get them right and you are on course.

This work is a stop-gap exercise for quick resolution of daily grammatical challenges. From my own personal experiences and encounters with people, most exonormative language users prefer easy-to-read-and-follow summaries to usually massive, boring and complex theoretical methodicalness! This is hoping that I am not inadvertently encouraging intellectual slothfulness by this remedial quick-fix intervention! For starters, let’s proceed with the following tips of the iceberg:

“This is an affront on (to) our collective psyche.” (Facebook post, November 23)

News around the city: “Harvests of death (deaths) in Adamawa” ‘Death’ is both uncountable and countable. In this context of ‘harvest’, it cannot be non-count. 

Pool resources together      Pool resources

Majority of us                        A/the majority of us

Media practitioner               Media professional

Counsels                                 Counsel

Opportuned                               Opportune/Opportunity

Offsprings                              Offspring

Invest on something            Invest in something

At a/the crossroad                At a/the crossroads

In the continent                    On the continent

Junks                                        Junk

Conspicuously absent          Absent

Secret ballot                           Ballot

Test run (noun) (as verb)     Test

Don’t pull my legs                 Don’t pull my leg

The faithfuls                          The faithful

Strike action                           Strike

Congratulations for               Congratulations on/upon

Potentials                               Potential/Potentialities

Log of wood                           Log

Cutleries                                 Cutlery

Stationeries                           Stationery

Beddings                               Bedding

Loots                                          Loot

Luxurious bus                          Luxury bus

Repeat again                            Repeat

Vigilante group                        Vigilance group

Creditably well                         Creditably

Overaged player                       Overage player

An hotel                                     A hotel

Point accusing finger              Point the finger

Under the platform                 On the platform

Marching order                       Marching orders

Obituary announcement      Obituary

Handwriting on the wall      Writing on the wall

In Lagos Island                        On Lagos Island

In the premises                        On the premises

At the shores                             On the shores

Matured man                           Mature man

Double standards                    Double standard

With regards to                        With regard to

At the campus                          On the campus

All manners of                         All manner of

Pomp and pageantry              Pomp and  ceremony/

                                              circumstance or just pomp

More grease to  your              More power to your

elbow                                          elbow

Harassments                            Harassment

Heavy downpour                    Downpour

Rest in perfect peace              Rest in peace

Government white paper      White paper

Vandalisation                           Vandalism

On the saddle                           In the saddle

Deploy to                                   Deploy in

Arrest over                                Arrest for

Commend over                        Commend for/on

Restore in                             Restore to

Restore back                         Restore

Related News

Converge in/at                     Converge on

At the outskirts                    On the outskirts

Return back                          Return

Reverse back                        Reverse

Unemployment problem   Unemployment

Insecurity crisis                Security crisis/insecurity

Luggages                               Luggage

Birds of the same feather  Birds of a feather

A feather to his cap             A feather in his cap

Riot Act                                 The Riot Act

A slip of tongue                    A slip of the tongue

Hide and seek game           Hide and seek

White elephant projects        White elephants

Banters                                      Banter

Night vigil                                 Vigil

Wake-keep(ing)                       Wake

Alert on something                Alert to something

All nooks and crannies         Every nook and cranny

A living witness                       A witness

Oil bloc                                      Oil block

Eye-service                                Lip-service

Fail woefully                            Fail abysmally

Running stomach                   Runny stomach

Outrightly                                 Outright

Talkless of                                 Much less/let alone

Yesteryears                               Yesteryear

Heydays                                     Heyday

Grouse against/                       Grouse about/with     someone               someone

Free-for-all fight                       Free for all

Discuss about something      Discuss something

Equipments                              Equipment

Evidences                                  Evidence

Protest over                          Protest about/against/at

Last respect                              Last respects

Raise an eyebrow                    Raise eyebrows

The poor masses                     The masses

Alright                                       All right

Armed bandit                          Bandit

Last week Monday                  Last Monday or                                                          Monday, last week

On/off the generator           Put on/off the generator

They love themselves             They love each other

Very best                                   Best

Clog in the wheel                    Cog in the wheel

Tale of woes                              Tale of woe

By the whiskers                       By a whisker

Neck-to-neck battle                  Neck-and-neck battle

Stand under the sun               Stand in the sun

Invitees                                      Guests

Witch-hunting                         Witch-hunt

Present status quo                   Status quo

A personnel                              Employee/worker/

                                                     staff member

At the corridors of power      In the corridors of power

Fire outbreak                             Fire

Good riddance to bad rubbish      Good riddance

Many cooks spoil                   Many cooks spoil the     the soup                                    broth

Money is the root                   The love of money is      of all evils                                 the root of all evils

Bite more than you                 Bite off more than      can chew                                   you can chew

Times like this                         A time like this/

                                                     Times like these

A force to reckon with            A force to be reckoned with

Beer parlour                   Pub/public house/inn/bar                                                             (Nigerian English)                  (lounge or saloon)/hotel/tavern

A poser: why are these errors egregiously or routinely committed? Is it a function of ignorance, carelessness or sheer blatant mistakes? Could it be tactlessness arising from slothfulness? Should it all be attributed to the evolution of what has come to be known as “Nigerian English”? Who will graciously elucidate on these growing grammatical challenges? I am at my wit’s end!