All over the world, men kill women for silly reasons and justify their evil actions. These men say that they acted out of anger and can’t control their emotions.
It is worse in Nigeria where men do and undo and get away with it. In this country, a man can never do wrong. Women are blamed for the crimes men commit against them. No matter how much women try to defend themselves, it doesn’t work.
Unfortunately, society agrees with men who hurt women and blames their victims for provoking them. Victims of rape, spousal murder and domestic violence are blamed for incurring the wrath of the men who hurt and kill them.
Being a woman in this part of the world is hard. It is heartbreaking how women get raped and killed all the time but people conveniently avoid putting the blame where it truly belongs and blame these women. Reading about the horror and evil committed against women by Nigerian men recently leaves me sad, unsettled and angry.
Beneath all these evil perpetrated against women is the false sense of entitlement men have over women, their feelings, their bodies and their decisions. Men have been conditioned that women were created for their pleasure and when they don’t get that from women, they take it by force.
Men kill women for refusing to reciprocate their feelings and attention. These men feel any woman they profess love to must love them back in return and start having sex with them. They were not taught how to handle rejection from women. This is terrible. Who raised these men?
Men kill women for not responding to their cat calls. This one has played out many times where guys who were ignored by women turn around to rape and kill them just to teach them a lesson not to say no to men. This madness cannot be explained. Why do men feel entitled to women’s attention?
Men kill women for breaking up with them because they can’t stand these women being with other men who will treat them better. Is this not wickedness? No sane woman leaves a good man. If you are a lousy man, you don’t deserve a good woman in your life. If you don’t know how to respect women, you shouldn’t feel entitled to their respect either. Respect is reciprocal.
Men kill women for refusing to put up with their lies, cheating, disrespect and irresponsibility. These men believe that women don’t have the right to call to them to order. They feel entitled to women’s love and loyalty even when they do nothing to earn them. They believe they have the license to behave anyhow and women must stay by their sides all through.
Men kill women when these women are over them and try to move on with their lives. These ones justify their actions by claiming they have spent money on these women and can’t stand them moving on without them. How many women have killed men that duped them or fleeced them of money? How many women have killed men who broke up with them and moved on with their lives? You do the calculation.
Men kill women for refusing to have sex with them. They claim these women aroused them and since they lack self control, they have no choice but to rape and kill these women. All the time, Nigerian men make excuses for hurting women but they want women to keep quiet about their wicked actions.
When women talk about what they go through at the hands of men everyday, they are accused of hating men and demonizing them. But the hatred men have for women is glaring. We read about it in the news everyday yet women are called men haters. We should stop lying to ourselves. In this society, men hurt and kill women because they weren’t raised well.
A Nigerian man killed his girlfriend for refusing to make him a signatory to her bank account two years ago. Many Nigerian men have killed their wives for different reasons ranging from denying them sex to allegedly cheating on them. Nigerian men have killed women for all manner of reasons. Then they turn around to blame these women for making them to cause them harm.
These men who hurt women and blame these women for their actions are cowards, wimps, insecure beings, selfish and evil humans. They don’t deserve to live among sane human beings. Why can’t Nigerian men tell one another the truth and stop covering up the crimes of other men? When will women feel safe around men in this country?
A man identified as Chris Ndukwe allegedly stabbed his fiancée and mother of his two children, Olamide Omajuwa Alli to death, before committing suicide on Sunday, June 21, 2020, at his resident in Victory Point Estate, Ilasan, Lagos State.
Chris was 39 while his victim, 25-year-old Olamide was the founder of Pearl Academy Nigeria. They dated on and off for seven years and were said to have fixed their wedding for August, 2020, before the horrific incident.
It was alleged that Chris stabbed Olamide to death with kitchen knife and thereafter drank some poisonous substance. Two blood stained kitchen knives, two empty bottles of the poison, three empty cans of energy drink and a pair of pliers were recovered from the scene.
According to some family members, the couple had two boys, aged 7 and 3. Chris lived in Victory Point Estate Ilasan, while Olamide lived in Ogba. The victim visited him alongside her younger sister on Saturday, based on his invitation. Her sister was the first to have noticed that the couple were dead and raised alarm.
In her statement, she said she was woken up by a loud music from their room. It was gathered that Chris tied Olamide up, sealed her mouth, used the pliers to pull her braids before stabbing her multiple times on the head and eyes. Although the real cause of the incident has not been established, there are speculations that it had to do with the paternity of one of their children.
This story left me devastated. Trying to imagine the pain and horror that woman endured before she died made me shiver. But whenever we talk about violence against women, Nigerian men will try to divert attention with ‘men get killed too’ anthem. They try to downplay what women go through.
They start making excuses about the wicked actions their gender perpetrate against women. They will tell you that not all men are rapists, not all men are women beaters, not all men are killers, not all men hurt women but they won’t call these supposed bad men to order.
These supposed good men don’t get angry about how other men hurt women and cause them bodily harm all the time. You won’t hear these few good men condemn violence against women outrightly. You won’t read posts from these men telling the bad men among them to stop hurting women.
How many Nigerian men have been killed since the year began compared to the number of women these vile and heartless creatures have dispatched to their graves without blinking?
How many Nigerian men have been killed for cheating in their wives, impregnating other women and bringing the children home for their wives to care for? How many men have been horribly killed for not reciprocating women’s feelings?
How many Nigerian men have been tortured and killed by women for breaking up with them, refusing them sex and moving on with their lives? How many women go out if their way to hurt and kill men who have offended them? Men need to answer these questions truthfully.
Re: Why you may regret rushing into marriage
Not everyone marries the right spouse no matter how austere they tend to be. That is why God comes first in any decision we intend to make. Through God’s wisdom bestowed on us his children, we can make godly decision that won’t lead us astray.
-Emmanuel Saviour jnr, Imo State.
Kate, you are an outstanding writer. Love is not enough to keep marriage and I agree absolutely. Appreciable knowledge of your partner’s character trait is required to navigate the unforeseen ups and downs in a long-term marriage. You are on point.
-Pst. Stephen, Abuja
Kate, you always come up with excuses why people shouldn’t remain married. It has long been established that you are anti marriage. Change your bad character and a good man will marry you. You are too arrogant and it reflects in your writings. Whether you like it or not, this is Africa where a woman’s good character attracts a good husband. Stop writing against marriage, you will fail. God ordained marriage and no amount of grammar from a bitter woman like you will erase marriage in this country. You should stop teaching women how to leave their marriages whenever they face difficulties. No marriage is perfect but that is what makes marriage sweet. Change your ways, man hater.
Kate, thanks for educating Nigerian spouses on how to shun love of bitterness and regrets. Regrettably, this contemporary world has lost to the past in terms of what marriage truly is. Emotional scammers and entitled men who are being beclouded by sex are rushing into marriages and repenting at leisure. It is quite disheartening. Marriage is for two understanding heads not for two infatuated lovers. Just as the human heart is fueled and powered by blood, love is also sustained by good virtues or else, you rush in and rush out.
Dear Kate, it is not the duration of friendship or courtship that guarantees stability in marriage. A couple should get married whenever questions have been fully answered and doubts are fully cleared. So the important thing is for men and women to see and judge before acting.
-Cletus Frenchman, Enugu
While I agree that people should take time to get to know each before marriage, it is still not a guarantee that they will live happily ever after. Life happens to couples. People change and if this change is not handled well, they may regret marrying their spouses. These things are somehow unpredictable. We should all trust God to always direct our steps.
-Mrs. Felicia Olusola, Lagos