A popular comedian, who was the compere at a wedding ceremony, recently made a significant remark. He said that most men these days are not so much attracted by beautiful facial looks to get into lasting relationships as it used to be in the past. He explained that men have realised that marital bond goes beyond appealing physical looks.
Speaking in the Pidgin English, he said: “These days, na wowo girls dey see husband marry ooo and the fine-fine babes dey do aso-ebi follow them.” Many assessors agreed with the comedian for that observation.
Beauty is a natural attribute that possesses a first-hand and spontaneous magical power, which can make the man so enthralled and push him into ‘let’s-get-married-now’ mode without pausing to consider whether the lady in question has good, marriage-worthy character.
I have heard people use qualifying words like ‘stunning, ravishing, beauty to behold, morning star, not meant to be under the sun (apu na anwu)’ to express and stress the sovereignty description of the word beauty. I have also not forgotten Aye KweAmah, one of the Ghanaian writers of the golden generation, who wrote the evergreen ‘The Beautiful Ones Are Not Yet Born’.
Many literary scholars have tried to explain and paint a picture of the power of beauty and its effect on people. But somehow, recent societal development, personal attributes and life’s traverse are challenging the long held assumption that being a beautiful face can sustain a relationship for the long term. These days most men now place a premium on good character than just a beautiful face, a basic requirement for an enduring union. That adage that says ‘behind every successful man is a woman” of course, did not imply that behind every successful man is a beautiful woman.
A laughable story was told of a beautiful female medical doctor who all agreed was alluringly beautiful. She said: “My mother never allowed me as a growing young girl to participate as a ‘little bride’ neither was I ‘chief bridesmaid’ or ‘maid of honour’ at wedding ceremonies because my mother felt such exposure and admiration would distract me from my studies. In fact, ordinary admiration from passers-by earned me a mild slap. My mother never wanted me to be associated with beauty alone, but a worthy beautiful woman.”
The question now is why the sudden change in equilibrium? Why is the pendulum not swinging towards the raw beauties like before? What brought about the change? Why are some men not considering the beauties for a lasting relationship again? Why are good-looking girls considered for just a ‘fling’ and not the real thing? Why has the preference finally dropped on the laps of not-very-good looking women? These questions are begging for answers, which only the searchers can provide.
Incredibly, most of life’s experiences have proved that the stunning beauty of a lady does not translate into having a beautiful marital relationship as it should be. Life and time have changed people’s perceptions on issues, including marriage. A male friend confided in me when the question of dry days for beautiful women was thrown as he said from his own experience that ‘most beautiful women do not keep to one man. He further explained that because of her attractiveness, other men would be interested in her like bees going after nectar, she might not have the willpower to resist all of them. “By the time 10 men talk to her, she can begin to consider one or two as mere friends and such friendship poses a deadly threat to marriages; it is better for a man to wash his hands off from such troubles and go for a presentable decent lady that will stick with him.” Whatever that means to him!
This same lack of resistance is the reason most men do not allow their beautiful wives to work in offices where there are rules and regulations, especially the timing aspect. They prefer their women to run personal businesses and be in charge of their affairs.
To prove that some men are not interested in beauty again, a friend’s widowed-uncle went to drop his son in school and was highly impressed with the conduct of a particular Chemistry teacher. He prodded further to discover that the lady was not married. He became interested and brought her home. Family members yelled at him to have brought such an ugly woman home. His mother described the would-be-wife as, “very short, very ugly, very dark, shapeless woman with big bust line.” But her son added, ‘Yes, but she is a Chemistry teacher’ and the mother kept quiet because most of her beautiful daughters were not as educated as the ugly science teacher.
But then and again, there have been several women who in their beauty zone are a combination of beauty, brain and good character. Yes. Not all beautiful women have been described as dullards or irresponsible. Several beauties have broken the ceiling in various fields of achievement yet with dignified and exemplary character.
On the other side of the coin, there have been women described in my native dialect as ‘Ovoro macha nma eru nne,’ which means, wasted beauty, nothing to show for it. They are described so because no one is proud of a beautiful woman with an empty brain. A beautiful woman who has no strength of character should be abhorred. A dirty beauty should not be celebrated. A small portion of hell is waiting for a paragon of beauty with a wicked heart. When one juxtaposes the conduct and venom that ooze out from the mouth of a beautiful woman to her neighbours, colleagues and friends one then knows she can never make a great fellow. Gone are the days when people use beauty as a weapon to attract men, climb the ladder to success and hinge on life’s journey armed with charming looks. A blank beautiful woman can never sustain any job when she finds one.
What is missing in her expected performance at work will also be missing in her marriage, which will lead to problems.
Dear ladies, from the fillers I got from the grapevine, the comedian was not just entertaining his audience, but spoke volumes of wisdom. A word is enough for the wise. This generation of men is not like their fathers and grandfathers who didn’t bother much about their women. Every man wants a woman who would hold him up and help build a home. The men want to be proud of their children raised by a worthy mother. No man wants a woman who goes for beauty contest with no strength of character. No man wants to share his beautiful woman with every Tom, Dick and Harry in the neighbourhood, office and business places because she is ravishingly beautiful. No man wants a beauty to behold who will tear his family structure down. No man wants a beautiful woman who has no regards and respect for her man because she is beautiful. No man wants a beautiful woman who he cannot share his dream with. No lazy beautiful woman makes a happy home.
A man cannot be happy with his beautiful wife who sits in front of television for hours to watch Zeeworld, Telemundo and all Nollywood films only while the ugly ones struggle it out in academics, in the market and other endeavours of life. Who is that man that will applaud a beautiful face who cannot hold forth a family, but instead nags and washes their dirty linen in public?
It has become a clarion call for women who are still interested in marriage to sit up and add substance to their beauty because men have raised their game and are looking for values. Ladies, wake up and be the best you can. An achiever is the first beneficiary of her success.