It is sad that many ladies don’t look for good qualities in men before they make commitments in their relationships. They just want to commit to bad relationships so that they won’t be alone. This is not a good place to be a Nigerian woman. If you end up with a man who lacks good qualities, this society expects you to change him into who he’s not or die trying.
People will remind you that marriage is for better for worse and you should endure whatever bad behavior and terrible attitude your man exhibits. They don’t care if your threshold for pain is low or not. They just want you to remain married at all costs even if it will cost you your sanity.
Some men and women will remind you that God hates divorce and our grandmothers were good examples of virtuous and submissive wives because they endured physical, emotional and verbal abuse for decades and survived. They call them strong women, I laugh. Tolerating abuse doesn’t make you strong, it makes you a hater of yourself. If you love yourself, you won’t tolerate another human being treating you like trash.
You need to know the qualities to look for in prospective partners before committing. You must know what you want, what you can tolerate and the things you can’t tolerate. Don’t say the person will change after marriage. Marriage doesn’t change bad character and behavior, it amplifies it. Don’t shortchange yourself to please anyone, not even your parents or family members. Don’t commit to anyone just to pepper your friends and show them that you are no longer on their level.
Looking for good qualities in a prospective partner requires introspection and the goal should be to evaluate your expectations versus your experiences and your standards versus what you have settled for. You may want to further examine your romantic relationships as the day set aside to celebrate love is fast approaching. You shouldn’t rush to commit to anyone who makes you feel bad just to show people that you have a partner in your life.
Have your former partners helped you fulfill your calling, improved your life, or have they consistently hindered you? Is your current person of interest aligned with you on all fundamental matters? Are you even a helpmate to your significant other, or are you prepared to be that helpmate when they finally appear?
Knowing what you want in your relationship is the first step to getting the connection you desire. Being able to receive and reciprocate those wants is the second. This is not the year to date and marry with confusion. Life is too short for that. If you want to live your best life, you must love and date with intention. Write it down, make it plain, and honor your deal breakers. Don’t allow anyone get away with disrespecting you because you don’t have deal breakers in relationships.
While individual preferences differ when it comes to relationships, there are some important key qualities you should look for in a partner. They are important because without them, your relationship won’t function properly except you are cool with deceiving yourself and your partner. The qualities listed below should be your guide as you date and mingle not the size of body parts and pockets.
Honesty is an important quality your partner must possess. You must be honest with them too. Don’t expect someone who is not honest with themselves to be honest with you. That’s a waste of time.
Honesty is first on this list because you can’t build a good relationship or a lasting one with a dishonest person. Sooner or later, their dishonesty will affect your relationship and destroy whatever feeling brought you both together in the first place. Again, it depends if you are a honest person or if you don’t mind being lied to.
If you can’t be truthful with your partner and that person can’t be truthful with you, what’s the point? Without honesty, you don’t know how best to communicate, how to fulfill their desires, or who they really are. There’s a greater connection in truth. Dishonesty destroys relationships. Look out for honesty in your prospective partner so you don’t start shedding unnecessary tears later on.
Is this person respectful? I laugh when people claim that women need love not respect. You can’t love someone you disrespect. That’s not possible. If you are dating someone who is not respectful to you, your feelings, your concerns and life plans, you are playing with fire.
When two people are connected in their hearts or their bodies, they should respect each other for the relationship to thrive. If you and your partner are serious about your relationship, there should be mutual love and respect. One person doesn’t deserve respect more than the other. No one is inferior to the other. Before you commit to a person, find out if they believe that you should play small for them to feel big and if they respect you and what you stand for. Do they bring out your good qualities, make you want to be better, respect you? Do you smile when you hear their name instead of cringing?
Thoughtfulness is another quality you need in a relationship. Think about the times your happiness was elevated by another person. It wasn’t just their mere presence, it was that they took a step outside of themselves to focus on making you feel good. They remembered that thing you said you wanted, that chore you needed done but did not feel like completing, that request for more time, more touching. If you consider each other in your movements, you may be on the path to commitment.
Empathy is another quality you need to build a good relationship. Don’t take for granted the ability to understand and be understood. The best relationships have a connectedness that allows for their partner to not only truly understand their feelings but to share them. From this bond comes a vulnerability and flexibility that only allows the relationship to grow as the individuals in them grow. Those couples that seem so intuitive that they can share a look that tells a whole story? That’s a connection built on empathy.
Is your partner communicative of their feelings or do you have to decode what is wrong with them at different times like a computer programme? Does the person you are dating now communicate with you or do they dish out commands to be obeyed whether you like them or not? This is not love, don’t kid yourself. If you don’t have good communication with someone, don’t commit to them. You might end up frustrated because of their inability to communicate effectively with you.
Everyone has experiences that shaped their outlooks and behaviors. Make sure the things you dislike about your partner are traits you can work through, that you understand the triggers, that you can talk through them, and that you haven’t deceived yourself that commitment is the magic pill that will change them. Talking is important, but listening is essential. Commit to someone who is not afraid to communicate with you even if you have a misunderstanding.
Can that person you are dating make compromises? A good relationship requires some compromises from both parties. It is not only women who should be making compromises for men. That’s unfair. People make mistakes. Even with a strong foundation, disagreements are bound to happen. How you recover and why you recover are both important. Knowing that solving the problem is more important than winning an argument or being right is a key in interpersonal relationships, especially romantic ones. Remember, you want someone you can go to war with, not against.
It is very important that you commit to someone who is kind. The number of people who leave this characteristic off their list is probably larger than you can imagine. If you’re human, you know that genuine concern for others is as necessary as air. In relationships, being generous or considerate without want or expectation of something in return makes a lasting impact. Don’t commit to someone who doesn’t extend kindness to you. Don’t marry that person. Everyone needs a kind partner and should be one too.
Make sure commitment is something your potential partner actually wants. Define what such a vow means to you and see if the two definitions align. Make sure you talk about physical, emotional, financial, and family planning commitments in that conversation. Don’t leave this to chance. You shouldn’t commit to a person who doesn’t want to commit to you. That’s a recipe for unending tears. Two can’t work together except they agree.