As a mother, disciplining your children whenever they misbehave is part of your duty in moulding their character.
But there are some mistakes mothers can make when disciplining their children that can produce unintended results and create barriers to their children’s future good behaviour.
While the behaviour of your children may make you crazy at times, you must never discipline when angry. Don’t lose your temper. Raising your voice, swearing, or getting out of control tends to teach the child that yelling, anger, and violence are acceptable in their relationships with friends and family.
Instead, when you feel the anger boiling up, take a few seconds or minutes of time-out and regroup. Children respond best to a calm, reasonable approach that is direct and precise.
Physical punishment such as spanking, jerking a child by his arm, or hitting in any way is simply ineffective. It teaches a child that the way to deal with conflict is to use physical force. Again, take a timeout if you are tempted to use physical discipline. Learning alternative child discipline skills can also help you break the tendency to lash out physically. Remember, your principal role is a teacher, not an enforcer.
Many mothers discipline their children in an inconsistent manner. The same behavioural offense will have different responses at different times. If one time your child uses a swear word you just laugh, and the next time you punish him, the child will become confused and not know what is expected.
A well-established and understood set of rules and standards with defined consequences tends to work the best. Being consistent in child discipline is the best way to teach them what is or is not acceptable behaviour.
Trying to bribe a child to behave in a certain way by promising a reward only teaches a child that they get a prize if they act inappropriately first, and then change their behaviour.
A good child discipline alternative is to remind them how good it feels to make right choices or to simply give the predetermined positive consequence for positive behaviour.
It is critical for parents to be united in the disciplinary strategy. If a child can run to one parent and find leniency, it tends to destroy the other parent’s credibility. Never override your partner’s disciplinary decisions in public. If you have a disagreement, discuss it privately with one another.
Don’t feel obligated to get your child’s consent for the discipline you impose. You are the parent and have the responsibility to discipline. Your word on a disciplinary matter is final and non-negotiable. As your child matures, you can begin to share reasons why you feel as you do about things, but in any case, your word is final.
Trying to use guilt on your child will backfire. If you make a child feel responsible for things that go wrong in your life, you are not acting like a mother. Stay away from the guilt trips and just impose consequences.
Comparing your child to their siblings is wrong. You might see this approach as reassuring, but instead it breeds resentment. The comparison serves no useful purpose. Try to see each child as a unique individual with his or her own strengths and weaknesses.