Kate Halim
Suffering a miscarriage is one of the most heartbreaking things that can happen to any woman. It is like losing a child even when the child is not yet born.
The amount of time you were pregnant is irrelevant when it comes to the grief you can feel when this happens. This is because of the bond a mother shares with her unborn child growing inside her.
It’s normal for women who have suffered a miscarriage to feel deeply sad, even if they had only known they were pregnant for a little time.
When it comes to dealing with a miscarriage, there’s no one size fits all. Women should work through this at their own pace, in their own way.
It is important to deal with feelings of guilt after a miscarriage. Miscarriage is something that happened to you, not something you did.
There’s very little about pregnancy loss that women are in control of. After a miscarriage, a woman must treat herself with kindness.
Women need to help their partners cope with the loss too. Your partner may react to the loss in a surprising way, and you may not like it. Don’t expect your partner to deal with a miscarriage the same way as you.
There isn’t one way to deal with grief, and punishing him for his won’t do any good. If it irks you that your man doesn’t cry and act depressed, remind yourself that it doesn’t mean he’s uncaring. He’s probably just dealing with things in a different way.
Another hurdle to cross after a miscarriage is to know when you have to try to conceive again. If your partner suggests doing that way before you are ready, it’s not that he’s being insensitive; he may be working through his grief by focusing on the future. You need each other, so stay on the same team.
The time between a miscarriage and trying to conceive again depends on physical and emotional factors and also on your doctor’s advice. Psychologically, there’s no set number of months to guide you.
If you feel so vulnerable that you may fall apart if it happens again, it’s probably a good idea to get some more support and wait even longer. Support can come through your social circle, seeking professional help, or an organized support group for women who have lost their pregnancies.
You will know you are ready to try again when you can go into it with a good, solid mind set. When you know that no matter what, you are going to survive and it’s going to be okay.
It’s tough to move on emotionally after a miscarriage. It takes closure to do that. There isn’t a wrong or right way to get closure. The most important thing to remember is how you get closure could be completely different from anyone else, and not to compare your journey with others.
Give yourself permission to do everything in between dealing with your pain and healing depending on what feels right for you.
Ways men change when they become fathers
Becoming a father changes a man in ways he could never imagine. When a man is expecting a child, he mostly just thinks about making enough money to support the child and making sure he knows how to keep the child alive.
He may also think about the fact that he can’t stay out and get drunk until 2 am on the weekends anymore. But there is so much more in store for a new father that he could imagine.
A man might be selfish, living life to only please himself and fulfill his many whims but when he becomes a father, all that goes out the window. Here are unexpected ways becoming fathers change men.
They genuinely fall in love with cuddling. Even if a man already cuddles a lot or loves cuddling, he will take his cuddling a step higher once he’s starts snuggling his child. There will be a similarity in the flow of hormones he gets when he cuddles his child, when he cuddles with you, and he will love them all.
They become more protective of everyone. They will begin to notice when you are breathing funny, when you look tired, or when it sounds like you are developing a cold. When men become fathers, their entire sense for the well being of those around him will become heightened.
Being a father means truly listening when your child talks about how the dinosaur in their book ate a tree before getting on the gummy bear spaceship and having a conversation about it. This is because being fathers make men much better listeners. They learn from their children how to truly be present during a conversation.
Men who have become fathers start liking some of their friends less especially the ones who keep them outside their homes away from their children. These fathers avoid friends who are a bit selfish, irresponsible and insensitive. They stop seeing them as entertaining wild cards and more as bad people he wouldn’t want them to be around their children.
Becoming fathers make men worriers. These men suddenly become the one obsessing over whether or not they turned off the stove or whether they bought their child’s favourite snack the last time they went shopping.
Becoming fathers make men become planners. These men start to think about leaving the house early so that they can avoid traffic, getting to book shops early before they run out of coloring books and packing snacks in case the food takes a long time.
When men become fathers, they become more assertive. When they go out into the world now, they are not just representing themselves; they are representing their families. They will be more assertive about getting the things they want because they want them for their whole family now.
Once you are a dad, you have to be creative to get this time back in your life, and you will probably feel like you need it more than ever, no matter how much you love spending time with your new addition.