So your teenage daughter has discovered male attention. She has started to experience the male gaze and, in her young, innocent mind, it’s exciting and intoxicating. She wants more of it, so you notice her dressing more provocatively.
As a mother, you know just how creepy and predatorial some men can be. You know there are men out there who specifically target young teenage girls who don’t yet realize the dangers of welcoming tons of male attention.
Here is how to talk to your teenage girl about male attention.
It will come, no matter what she wears
Tell your daughter that she doesn’t have to dress provocatively in order to receive male attention. Male attention will come even if she goes out wearing a long, flowing gown. Tell her you can attest to this fact.
They will always be plenty
Let your daughter know that she will receive plenty of male attention throughout her life. It isn’t difficult to come by. She doesn’t need to capitalize on some idea that male attention will only come now, when she’s young.
Ask why she likes male attention
Ask your daughter what it is she likes about male attention. She may say something like, “It makes me feel special” or “It makes me feel like I have something to offer.” This could mean she’s been feeling insecure about her personality and other traits.
Point out her great traits
If your daughter does say that male attention is the only thing that makes her feel special, then it’s your job to make sure she knows just how special she is. Tell her every day how smart, generous and unique she is.
Tell her no amount of pressure is okay
Let your daughter know that no amount or pressure from a man to do anything such as wear less, show a part of her body, or send a type of photo is okay. Teach her early not to give in to such pressure. Make sure that sinks into her subconscious.
Male attention doesn’t empower her
She may feel that male attention empowers her. But, in a gentle way, explain that male attention does not make her any more powerful. She makes herself powerful. In fact, not caring about male attention makes her the most powerful.
There’s plenty of time for everything
Remind your daughter that life is so long. There will be plenty of time to do all the things she is curious about. But once she stops being a kid, there’s no going back. So encourage her to cherish this time.
Tell her why older men prey on teens
Feel free to paint predatorial men in an ugly light. Tell your daughter that the only reason older men pay attention to young girls is that they can’t attract women their own age—women their age know that these men are bad and ugly.
Make sure she knows she can tell you anything
Make sure your daughter knows that she can tell you anything and she won’t be in trouble. If a man says something inappropriate to her, or a boy asks her for an inappropriate photo, she can tell you.
Make sure she especially knows that she can tell you even when men you know like a neighbor or her teacher say or do inappropriate things. Tell her you will always be on her side.
She should know she’s beautiful
Make sure your daughter knows she’s beautiful, even when she wears no makeup and wears her favorite pajamas. She doesn’t need to do a thing. Throughout these conversations, be loving and caring rather than militant.