Dear man, are you a husband material? What quality of husband material are you? Are you a designer or rag husband material? What kind of husband will you make to the woman you are planning to marry or do you think it is only women who must be wife materials?
Gone are the days when men list the many qualities they want in a woman without bringing anything to the table. Women are tired of being told how to be different things to their men while these men do little or nothing to reciprocate their efforts.
Every woman desires a good husband. No woman wants to spend the little time she has on earth pampering a grown baby who claims he is also the head of the home.
I am tired of seeing these grown babies who are not even up to rag materials if they are measured for marriage making noise about looking for wife materials these days.
Every woman desires a husband who is loving, caring, hardworking, generous, considerate, supportive, prayerful and patient. If you want a wife material, make sure you are also a husband material.
You shouldn’t go and marry a wife material and start making her life miserable with your annoying attitude and behaviour. That’s not fair. You must match her efforts and pedigree, otherwise, stay single.
For a marriage to be successful, both partners must have qualities which will make the marriage a fulfilling affair. It is not women’s duty alone to make their marriages work. Men must invest in their marriages too.
If you lack the qualities I would highlight below, just know that you are zero husband material and when husband materials are talking, you need to keep quiet and learn. You should know that good husbands make happy wives.
Husband materials are responsible. These men take care of their families. They put the needs of their wives and children first before theirs. Responsible husbands also ensure that the economic, emotional and sexual needs of their wives are met. They are not absentee husbands and fathers.
Husband materials are trustworthy. Their wives confide in them, trust their judgments. These wives know that they are loved, valued and respected. They know that their husbands love them and respect their marriage vows because these men don’t pursue every vagina that moves on the face of the earth.
Husband materials are loyal. If you are a community penis, you are the last person to demand fidelity from your wife. A husband should be loyal to his wife. If you claim it is right to stray and shine the congo of different peperempes, whatever your wife does to you, bear it in peace.
Husband materials are hardworking and successful. They are not lazy bums who blame their wives for their failures in life. They don’t claim that their wives are using their lucks to be successful. They are focused, diligent and resilient men who make something great out of their lives.
Husband materials have a healthy dose of self esteem. They don’t stop their wives from working because they feel better men will snatch them away. They don’t ban their wives from being on social media platforms because of extreme jealousy.
Husband materials are good listeners. These men make time to listen to their wives no matter how busy they are. They understand that they must provide emotional support for their wives and not leave them alone.
Husband materials are adaptable. They adapt to any given situation. These men devote time toward the upbringing of their children and also pay adequate attention to their wives’ needs. They are not absentee fathers who end up blaming their wives for their children turning out bad.
Husband materials are sensitive. They are sensitive towards the needs of their wives. They are sympathetic towards the feelings of the women they share their lives with. They don’t trivialize issues their wives raise and behave like tin gods.
Husband materials spend time with their wives. They go on date nights with their wives. They take their wives to out and not confine them indoors while they flex around town with different girls and women. These men know what it means to truly be present in their relationships.
Husband materials do chores at home. They cook, clean and wash. They don’t eat and pile unwashed plates waiting for the woman who travelled to come home to maggots taking over the kitchen. They cook and serve their wives food. They know that marriage is partnership and not master, servant relationship.
Husband materials clean up their own mess. They don’t blame their wives for their actions. They don’t blame their wives for bad decisions. They don’t blame their wives for their business failures and career flops. They know they are adults who should live with the consequences of their actions.
Husband materials know the importance of play and laughter in their marriages. They don’t keep their faces like olumo rock at home and dish out commands to their wives. They are not rigid, boring and unyielding men who only know how to have sex and produce children.
Husband materials don’t stifle their wives. They know that their wives are independent beings who should be respected. They don’t treat their wives like slaves because they made the unfortunate decision to marry them.
Husband materials don’t insist that their wives become totally subservient to them. They understand that forcing their wives to be who they are not can make them unhappy and these women can also resent them because of that.
Dear Nigerian men, make sure you are one million yards husband material first before going hunting for wife materials. Save us the talks about scarce wife materials when you are not even up to ten yards husband material.
Re: THIS THING CALLED MARRIAGE
Kate, men have hands to cook but we are not naturally designed to cook. Sarah cooked for the angels and was blessed with Isaac like Abraham told her to. Similarly, ladies have hands but it is not lady like for them to change tires of their vehicles while men stand aloof. If we share kitchen duties with women, we should also share financial responsibilities. It is romantic watching my woman cook for me. -Mike, Mushin, Lagos
Kate, I have no reservation than to join the voices that have been castigating you for always being one sided, that is having soft spot for women like you. Besides, you can as well rename this column ‘Frustrated Women Session’. As much as l love to read your write-ups every weekend, l don’t like your judgments on issues sometimes. I advise you make amends. May God continue to enrich you with wisdom. -Olubayo Samuel, Ado-Ekiti
I love my wife and I respect her but your column has made me to value her more. One major problem with girls these days when it comes to marriage is that once a man has money, they forget about other qualities like faithfulness, love and respect which bring happiness in marriage. Money may come and go but someone’s character remains with him or her forever. -Abah Simon Onoja, Abuja
Dear Kate, what a lovely write up. I wish I had read this piece a year ago before my introduction to my ex. I guess the introduction wouldn’t have taken place talk more of the disgrace and embarrassment that followed. He was a broken man that never had respect for my feelings, his family took decisions for him and I was willing to go on because all I ever wanted was to get married. But I am glad that it ended before the actual date. -Bilikisu Olaitan
Kate, your writings provide real marriage elixirs. Adherence to your prescriptions or some part thereof will always help couples to improve on their relationship. You should not be discouraged by the pungent comments of some of your readers. No doubt, your superior thought pattern, devoid of hypocrisy, will always prevail. We are learning a lot from your writings and we are highly appreciative. Keep it up! -Tony, Umuahia
If you exclude God in your marriage, you will cry. Please advise people to seek the face of God before marriage. Have you forgotten that a family without Christ Jesus as their rock has crisis as their daily companion. God is the originator of marriage. No matter the height of common sense in marriage, without the presence of God, people will cry. -Ikechukwu
Kate, in your article, you called ‘Marriage’ this thing. Marriage is a divine institution from God, not women liberation thing by evil societal norms. A true Christian man or woman would either marry or stay single. The only thing that destroys marriage is adultery. You are doing too much to mislead men and women. You are just like the evil prophetess destroying homes, causing divorce here and there. Please flee, don’t allow God’s wrath to catch up with your evil column. -Dr. Clement
What a beautiful advice and counsel on marriage you dished out last week! But I have issues with your advice to women with troublesome husbands. You seem to be telling them to pack and look for ‘Mr. Right’ instead of praying and working out the solution. There is no difficult marriage that God can’t correct. Divorce is never a better option before God and man. It is an eternal scar. -Ikpade Karaki
Dear Kate, sometimes you reason like a confused person. You think all men are bad and I don’t think you will live with a man with your wisdom. I will remind you that for any woman you lead to have problems in her marriage, God will deal with you. -Emma Onitsha