Dear Njigirl
I am dating a guy, and I live very far from him. But most times I feel he doesn’t deserve me. Lately, I received a call from my aunty who lives in the same compound with him and she told me so many nasty things about him. And my greatest problem is that most times the only thing he talks about is sex, sex, and more sex which makes me believe he is a womanizer.
I really want to break up with him because I can’t stand marrying a man I will share with other women.
■ Becky
Dear Becky,
Let me get this straight. You reside far from him and rely mostly on information from a third party to ascertain his actions and conduct. But how do you know that the information received is accurate? Are you sure that your aunt is really telling you the truth? It looks like you assume that she is telling you the truth just because she is your aunt. Well let me tell you that there is a chance she is misinforming you because she does not like your man for whatever reason. In order words, take all the information cautiously while you verify the veracity.
Your other problem is that he talks too much about sex. May I ask you in what context? Is he saying that he misses you so much and all he wants to do is lay in bed with you and make you feel like the hottest thing on the planet? Or is he talking about his escapades with other women? From your statement: “I really want to break up with him because I can’t stand marrying a man I will share with other women,” I assume that he is talking about sex with other women. Does it mean that he is asking you about having an “open relationship” where both of you are free to date and sleep with other people even though you are in a relationship? If this is the case, then you are right to say, “I do not want to share him.” Please drop this man because first of all, you do not wish to contract disease and secondly you do not want to die of heartache.
In my usual stance however, I would ask you to have a discussion with your man concerning those allegations made by your aunt. Ask him plainly if they are true. Secondly ask him to clarify what he means when he talks about sex all the time. Is it sex with you or sex with somebody else, what is the relevance? After you have heard him, you can then determine where he is coming from. If he is not singing your tune, babe, dump him and move on. No need keeping a bad egg, it really stinks.
■ Dr. NJ