My late father as a bachelor was a young and intelligent headmaster trained by the Irish missionaries, Rev Fr. Cloonan and Fr. Smith, who made waves in the East, especially Owerri and its environs before the Nigerian civil war broke out. He married my mother as a ‘Miss’ posted to his school after her teaching practice at Amumara Girl’s Secondary School and SJC Aba. They walked down the aisle at St. Michael’s Catholic Church, Ngwoma Obube in the present day Owerri North LGA, Imo State, after which they settled down as husband and wife. In their first month of living together as husband and wife, their salary was paid. My father as the head and administrator of the school, where they were teaching used his ‘veto power’ to collect his salary and that of my mother and put them in his pocket. When he got back home, he merely informed his wife “My dear, salary has been paid and I have collected yours and mine, keep this token as the monthly upkeep.” My mother swallowed the bitter pill and that began the journey of her losing her financial freedom for years until my father travelled to the United States for further studies in the late 70s. Though she saw her sweat go into laudable projects, especially landed property; but hardly was her permission sought before such actions were taken. The day she told us –  her daughters – this story, I watched her countenance and read the pain on her face. Though she admitted that she got all her financial needs, but her earning was never in her custody. She, therefore, opted for another source of income because her type of joint savings was forceful and not palatable.

She was not alone in this type of forced joint savings account. Many women have been trapped into forced joint account while both couples were still madly in love, but when the chips are down, regrets, doubts, pains, dishonesty and anger step in. Should it be so? No, it should not be.

Joint account has been a very controversial issue over the years because of selfish reasons. Over 80 per cent of women who go into joint account come out empty, wounded and bruised. The basis of every relationship is trust. Now, there is nothing wrong if a couple agree to pool their resources together and live with it. But what is worth doing is worth doing well. Instead of holding each other by the jugular and feel deceived at the end of a joint savings account experience, both could set a certain percentage aside from their earnings jointly either for the  rainy day or otherwise. There should be a mutual understanding and agreement towards the money jointly saved. Both should respect the principle guiding the decision of joint account and be disciplined towards it. If a couple have agreed to send their children abroad for further studies, they can set aside an account to that effect instead of sowing seed of hatred generated by joint account. If it is for a project, let the project materialize in its place. Do not divert the funds into other businesses. While having a joint account, nothing stops a couple from having their financial freedom because needs and wants vary. A man might want to repair his car while a woman wants to change her deep freezer or assist her mother in her trade. Extended relatives could ask for assistance from both sides. There might be emergencies and other occurrences which people will not run away from. Both should also be signatories to the said joint savings and be aware of withdrawals when made. As long as both parties involved are not found wanting, peace will reign with the joint account. When husbands service selfish interests from joint accounts, some wives keep calm while some will not. What worked for sister ‘A’ and her husband might not work for the other sister in her own marriage. Both should work out the way it suits them without any party being hurt.

The position of the Church is that two should be one naked body and soul inclusive of their finances. No Church principle has gotten it right except the two involved decide to make it work. Yes, because it is not about being spiritual, it is about people’s attitude and lifestyle. It is not acceptable that a couple will be in a financial relationship where one party is selfish about it and the Church says the wife must be compliant. That amounts to dishonesty and the home is not usually peaceful because of this.

A wife in a Church who refused vehemently to join her income with her spouse was summoned before the elders of the Church, when the fire of submissiveness was poured on her, she gave her consent. The first month, she gave her whole salary to her husband to manage. The lady came back to the Church and made her complaints known. “My husband is so selfish about our finances. If my transport to work is N100.00, that is exactly what I get. I cannot do the least things like getting a bottle of drink for myself at work, I cannot pick anything of my choice, what I spend is exactly the price of what I need, nothing extra comes my way. I, therefore, withdrew my joint savings.”

I have heard a situation where two accomplished couple in the same profession agreed and romance themselves into joint account, it was not too far when the wife discovered that her husband would make withdrawals to attend to his family needs without her consent; she did not discuss it, neither did she make noise about it, but simply stopped furnishing the account and that ended the love associated with joint account.

Another financially strong couple told me they do not operate joint account because they are both adults who had separate bank accounts before they met on the job. They do not have financial frictions. Their projects and bills are amicably handled and settled; both are heavy in their income and it does not pose any challenge to their marriage. As close as they are joint account is not part of their romantic moves.

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In some other cases, instead of joint account, some couples share financial responsibilities in their homes. Some in their own way agreed that the man should pay the school fees and house rents while the wife feeds and clothes herself and the children. This man I was told would not near anything food stuff because it is the wife’s responsibility. Even when other men in the office are ordering items for festive period, he will tell his colleagues that it is his wife’s responsibility. This is unlike one of my great senior colleagues who will pay all the bills, still shop heavily for his family, not waiting for his wife. On inquiry, he told me, that was what he saw his father do when we were young.

A consummate physician friend in the US was hospitalised, she sent for her aunt who flew in from another state to attend to her, while the aunt was returning to her city, the lady while still lying on her hospital bed asked her husband to appreciate the aunt with a token, the husband refused and asked if she is not a relation, couldn’t she have assisted without being paid. They argued over it: “No, I am not paying her, rather appreciating her effort and kindness,” but the husband still refused. Joint account stopped after that experience.

Undefined financial relationship has torn some marriages apart. Who wouldn’t be angry seeing her salary being used carelessly without her approval? This other couple had agreed and was contributing towards developing their property in Lekki; the plan was to engage a construction company to give them a state-of-the-art apartment. But the father of the husband passed on. As the joint saving was robust, it was used to carry out a lavish burial for the old man. When the wife raised this argument: “You are not an only child; it should have been family contribution instead of botching our joint account”. The husband replied: “Burial was also a project”. Her regret was she would have used her joint savings to establish something by the side before her job was gone only if she had known, according to her. 

Today, women have become so tough and now guard their income jealously, especially the high executives who are financially strong. No one dares touch their pay probably based on their experiences. Most of them alleged that men use it to settle their selfish interests. But holding firm unto finances at times has its own challenges as well. Some of these experiences are great teachers.

A dying sister with grown children was unable to release the pin number of her Automated Teller Machine card (ATM), for the family to source funds to move her to another hospital; she died due to poor medical facility. Till date her money is still in the bank, no one could access it because of improper documentation. If this sister’s children had a clue to their mother’s ATM authorization, probably she would have been alive today.

In all sincerity, there are some kind-hearted men who do not bother about their wives’ earning; those whose spouses make no financial contributions whatsoever, you are great husbands. In some other instances, there are women who also pick all the bills from rent, through school fees and others, you are super women. Just know that there is no leaf that fell from a branch of a tree without the knowledge of God.

Dear Nigerian men, if you are the type involved in joint account, respect the rules of the game. Do not be selfish about the pooled resources. Your wife’s income is also important to her. She released it for peace to reign, please allow that peace to reign by conducting, disciplining, and respecting the procedure. If the goal is met on both sides, all will have a big smile.