First Lady of Ekiti State, Erelu Bisi Fayemi, has called out people, especially women, who condemned Busola Dakolo, wife of singer, Timi Dakolo, who recently accused the Senior Pastor of the Commonwealth of Zion Assembly (COZA), Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo, of raping her when she was a teenager.
Mrs. Fayemi, narratied her own near-rape experience, in an article, yesterday, and added that the culture of shaming rape victims and forcing them to keep silent in Nigeria must stop.
She wrote: “Any adult who has a sexual relationship with a girl under the age of 18 is committing statutory rape, there is no such thing as consensual sex with a minor.”
Mrs. Fayemi went on to share stories of how she was almost abused when she was a child and how her gut, as a child, and her mother’s immediate stand, saved her from being a victim.
“When I was 10 years old, my mother brought a male teenage relative to live with us to help around the house. His name was Sina. He slept on a mattress on the floor with my younger brother, while I was on the bed with one of my young aunts. One night, before I fell asleep, I felt my bed covers being pulled. I pulled them back up. It happened again and I did the same thing. The third time, I allowed the covers to be pulled off totally to be sure I was not making a mistake. I sat up and asked Sina what he was doing. He said ‘nothing’. I stayed awake for most of the night. First thing in the morning, I went to tell my mother. She did not yell at me. She did not scream and call me a liar. By the time I got back from school, Sina was gone and we never saw him again. We never had any male relatives live with us after that.
“When I was in secondary school and home for the holidays, I was around 13 years at the time. I told my father I wanted to learn how to swim. There was this young man who lived next door, he used to run errands for my father, we called him Brother Lai. My father asked Brother Lai to take me and my aunt to Airport Hotel, Ikeja, to teach us how to swim. My first swimming lesson was my last. Brother Lai held me from behind, teaching me how to kick my feet under the water, while at the same time pressing himself against me and touching me inappropriately. When I asked him why he was doing that, he asked, ‘Can’t I play with you’?
“The next day, when he came around for us to go for the next lesson, I refused. I never told my parents what happened, I just mumbled something about not liking water. I was afraid of causing trouble. I did not want Brother Lai to be sent away on my account, the same way Sina was frog-marched to the motor park by my mother. I did not want my parents to think I was in some way encouraging these men to be inappropriate towards me. So, I said nothing and just stayed out of Brother Lai’s way.
“Brother Lai had never given any indication that he was anything other than a respected older brother figure.
“I was, however, literally placed in his hands and he saw an opportunity and took advantage of it. That is what predators do, they wait for opportunities to present themselves and then they abuse trust and innocence…I, however, learnt to appreciate my mother’s response to my claims, it could have gone differently. What if my mother had not believed me?”
Addressing the backlash over Busola’s speaking out about the rape incident, 20 years after, Mrs. Fayemi wrote: “Over and over, supporters of the pastor and some who claimed neutrality kept asking why Busola decided to speak up 20 years after the rape took place.
“Why is she speaking out now? Why did she not say something at the time? I could not believe some of the things people were saying, including those who ought to know better. Busola Dakolo and her husband, Timi, received unprecedented support for their bravery, the court of public opinion seems to be in their favour. However, I could not help but wonder how we got to where we are; a society blissfully unaware of the war that has been waged consistently on the bodies of women and girls from one generation to the next.”