This is a new dance: Open and Close. Open? That’s what happened when the matter started initially. Close?
You may choose to dance to Duncan Mighty’s “Dance For Me” or Davido’s “Assurance” or “Nwa Baby”, but let me confess it here and now and die if it is what you people want: I am dancing to that Fela’s inimitable song, “Open and Close”.
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“This is a new dance,” I can hear him say, at the very beginning of it. “We’re going to sing and tell you about open and close/I want to tell you a story/No be story o/I beg/I want to tell you a story/No be story o/I want to tell you a story/E no be story?/At all, very very at all/Very very at all/Dey say e no be story o/The tin wey e be/Dem go tell us now/I want to tell you a story/No be story o/I want to tell you a story/Wetin he beoo/Ah, e be dance.”
By the way, before we continue the dance or story, I have ordered the Inspector General of Police, Ibrahim Kpotun Idris, to arrest those of you who were busy listening or reading other stories as to miss the real story last weekend. Ask him, I have given him the list already. They include those who who taunted the President for not retrieving his original WAEC certificate from the Military Secretary or is it Secretary to the Nigerian Army, or keeping the photocopy if it exists and those of you he taunted after getting the embossed WAEC (Why Ache?) attestation certificate from WAEC Registrar, Dr Iyi Uwadiae, a certificate which the opposition mischievously dubbed “political certificate.” The list also includes those who took photograph with him during the presentation but refused to appear in the published one. At all, very, very at all, apology to Fela.
Other names on the arrest list include those of who were busy listening, watching or reading about the macabre sparing session between Adams Oshiomhole (the Atawewe/Ose Oji 1 of APC Autonomous Community) and Governors Rochas Okorocha of Imo State and Ibikunle Amosun of Ogun State, over the building of political dynasty and emperorship. Dey say e no be story o/The tin wey e be/Dem go tell us now. As for those of you who were busy watching Parts 1, 2 and 3 video clips of the alleged collection of bribes by Governor Abdullahi Ganduje of Kano State, as to miss the real story, I won’t say anything to you until the allegations turn out to be blatantly false as they always do. At all, very, very at all!
Now, the real story, or, the new dance as Fela would say. The Appeal Court in Makurdi, Benue State, last week Friday, ordered the immediate sack of one Benjamin Nungwa, who until that day, used to occupy the Kwande West legislative seat in the Benue House of Assembly and did so for about three years, right from April, 2015. The court gave the judgement in favour of one Joseph Boko (if you add Haram, na you sabi) who originally won the seat in the APC primary but was disqualified by the APC National Secretariat for arbitration. The Arbitration Panel was set up by the National Working Committee (NWC) of the party to resolve the primary elation (election?). At all, very, very at all!
I want to tell you a story/E no be story?/Dey say e no be story o. Well, the story actually is, not only was Nungwa sacked, he has been ordered also to refund all the salaries and allowances he has been collecting in the past three years. I don’t know how much millions or billions that would eventually amount to but I want to say that I have a big but handy calculator here with me. Please, who will volunteer to kindly pass it on to him? This is a new dance: Open and Close. Open? That’s what happened when the matter started initially. Close? That’s what is happening now. But, according to the Bible story, Joseph and Benjamin are supposed to be children of the same mother, Rachel, not so? Or, has the narrative suddenly changed because of politics? At all, very, very at all!
To be fair, this is not the first time this kind of judgement is being passed. I can vividly recall how similar judgement was passed by the Supreme Court, in April, last year, barring Sopuluchukwu (Respect God) Ezeonwuka of the PDP, from representing Orumba North/South of Anambra Federal Constituency in the House of Representatives, in an appeal filed against him by Ben Nwankwo, a member of the party. Like in the Benue case, he too was ordered to refund all salaries and allowances collected since he started sitting at the House of Representatives.
About eight months later, the same Supreme Court revoked the election of Sunday Aghedo, member of the Edo State House of Assembly and also ordered him to refund all the salaries and allowances he had collected since May, 2015 from the Assembly.
My only grouse with the Supreme Court, in that case is since the man’s name is Sunday, the judgement should have been handed down to him on a Sunday. I am one of those who will continue to insist that if you are Sunday, let your judgement come on Sunday. The same thing should happen if your name is Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday, let your judgement come on the very day whose name you bear. Let those who agree with me raise their hands. I can’t see you from here! Please, could you raise it a bit higher?
It is in the light of these farts, that I am appealing to the present crop of politicians whose elation (election?) has been enmeshed in controversy to take care chew the national cake: as you dey collect the jumbo salary and allowances, please, make you dey keep am, no dey chop am yet, in case any Justice or Judge (George?) has any cause (curse?), tomorrow, to ask you to return them jumbo by jumbo, as the court pleases. Please o, na abeg I dey beg una.
And, let me, at this juncture, issue this timely warning (worry?) to all of you who are jumping up and down and backslapping one another over an erection (election?: primary (primal?), secondary or taasharing (tertiary?) level, it does not really matter): what the court has put at ASPAMDA (asunder?) or at International Trade (Tread?) Fair (Fear?), FESTAC, Lagos, it is expected that no woman (let alone, man) go carry am go put for GADA (Yoruba word for bridge, apology to Brigadier Raji Rasaki, former military governor of Lagos State). Ayua! Ka Chineke mezie okwu (apology to Chika Okpala, alias Chief Zebrudaya Okoroigwe Nwogbo, formerly of the NTA’s The New Masquerade). Interpretation: Oh yes! Let God complete the rest of the word I would have loved to say! At all, very, very at all!