I still can’t understand it. What are married men and women searching for outside their homes? Okay, I do agree with the erudite scholars, Joseph de Maistre and Alan W. Watts, who made the assertion that “man is insatiable” in their seminal works. When they said that, they did not exactly refer to sex. Rather, their interest was on man’s need to increase in status, accomplishment, attain symbolic heights and generally flow with the dynamics of life. For a man to be insatiable in terms of education, means that such a person is ready and willing to multi-task, burn the midnight oil, increase his level of research and academic knowledge because he wants to attain and occupy a certain position in life. Most graduates with First Class degrees can attest to this.
The question comes again, what drives married men and women to go outside the confines of their marriage, to look for what is already domiciled in their homes? It is the outside quest that leads to infidelity. Is it that such men and women do not understand the meaning of the popular Yoruba saying that “the thing I am looking for in Sokoto is in my sokoto.” Which means that what I am looking for outside is in my home (my pocket or trouser, that is husband or wife as the case may be).
So, why are people not using the homegrown solution? Why go to look for side chick or joystick outside when you have cucumber or apple & doughnut at home? What exactly makes the outside side chick or joystick without NAFDAC number preferable to the apple & doughnut combination or the cucumber at home, both of which have valid certificates of occupancy issued after traditional and church ceremonies?
Some knowledgeable individuals have tried to explain this by saying that poor character and conduct of either Mr. Cucumber or Mrs. Apple Donut often proves to be a major impediment to useful and beneficial conversation between them. You begin to wonder at what point all the excitement, dancing and elegant Aso-ebi of the traditional and church ceremonies evaporated and got replaced with a burning desire to go and explore the jungle for new game, resulting in infidelity. It may be argued that in the days when polygamy was the order of the day, the urge to hunt for concubines was blunted. Even then women who had secret lovers had to be extremely discreet about it, much more than double agents covering their tracks in espionage matters. Can the seeming restriction on polygamy be the reason for the high level of sexual waywardness associated with men and women today?
When caught in a sex scandal, society quickly justifies the misdemeanour by claiming that men are wired differently, and therefore entitled to sample varieties of soups outside. One recalls the story of a short conversation that took place between a young couple during their honeymoon. The new bride asked the groom: “Darling will you cheat on me for anything? Husband said: “Yes, if there is need to cheat on you, I will do it.” Naturally, the bride was shocked and saddened. Yes, some married women look for men who can take them on a flight to Cloud Nine. In most cases the chronic outside-the-home searchers have never really made the effort to discover the diamond in the soil under their feet and make the home a haven for pleasure satiation. Instead, they go looking for gold in Timbuktu!
This business of offshore exploration is the primary reason that caused the untimely death of Mrs. Sonnie Bassey, who was blessed with three boys in the union with her husband. According to the story that went viral, Mrs. Sonnie Bassey was said to have seen her husband leaving a branch of Spar Mall in Calabar, Cross River State, with a female companion. She suddenly reversed her car and tried to block her husband’s car, to prevent him from driving out of the mall, but the man outsmarted her with his superior driving skills and hit the highway. Well, the devil pushed the hapless woman to give him a high speed chase. In the effort to overtake his car, she lost control of the vehicle and rammed head-on into the trunk of a tree. Her husband rushed her to the hospital but alas, she was confirmed dead on arrival. Mr. Sonnie Bassey immediately became confused, overwhelmed with regret and grief while crying profusely, begging the dead body of his wife for forgiveness and asking her to come back alive to take care of their three boys. One is just wondering what could be going on now in the minds of Bassey, his children and his wife’s family members. It will take God’s intervention for her family to forgive Bassey because the loss of their daughter in such circumstance is a deep wound inflicted on their hearts.
On the flip side is the story of Mrs. Gift Joseph, a senior nursing officer in one of the Federal Medical Centres in the Southeast, who had a better disposition to life and what it throws up sometimes. She once saw her husband with his side-chick, honked her horn and waved at him. Her husband who worked with an accounting firm pretended he did not notice her. As they retired home for the day trying to review their activities, the wife raised the issue and narrated the exact point she saw him, described the lady in her husband’s car and Joseph said, “I did not see you.” She chose to ignore her husband’s obvious denial, for peace to reign. I ask again, what exactly are men looking for outside their matrimonial homes? Married Nollywood actor, Yul Edochie broke the internet not long ago, when he presented Judy Austin as his second wife, along with the son they had together. What are married men and women looking for outside their matrimonial homes?
Some men have argued that their wives pushed them into the hands of other women while wives also make the same allegations against their husbands. My charge to men on this score is simple: when your wives push you henceforth, go to the gym, attend coaching classes, listen to some good music, go and watch matches at the stadium and cheer the players instead of running into the arms of a woman, which will create bigger problems. And you women, know it that when you unveil your nakedness to a man outside your matrimonial home, that man has conquered your entire family, your husband and children and reigns supreme over them.
There is no moral justification for married men and women to have a dalliance with any person who is not their spouse. The scandals that result from the encounter haunts those involved, especially the women and can be deadly. It quite obvious that spouses who indulge in extra-marital affairs have never made genuine efforts to turn their union into the kind that would offer them all that they look for outside their home. What efforts have they made to rebuild the failing marital relationship, to neutralise the so-called irreconcilable differences?
Men need to understand that women want to be reassured of their place in your hearts. They need your compliments, appreciation and commendation at all times. They need their family members to be respected just like the man does not want his own family members to be ill-treated by the wife. They also need their men to till the ground to provide for and protect the family. For the women, the first rule is to respect your men, recognise them and given them your loyalty. No man ever wants to share his woman with another man. Never. Married men and women know what is right and wrong. Therefore, men and women uphold that which is good and flush that which is bad down the toilet, where it rightly belongs.