I will conclude here, the three messages I gave at the Gospel Power Assembly on June 22, 2019. Please, read on: A strong foundation is necessary in building a new house and so it is in developing harmony in the home. Two unbelievers cannot live in harmony. This is true also of a believer and an unbeliever. A man and a lady, entering into a marriage contract, must then be born-again. For safety during a flight, the two Pilots must resolve any difference between them.
A spouse must know the partner well. It is possible really after marriage. During engagement, they employ various gimmicks to impress each other. Aunty visits him, and eats only a piece of meat out of the many served, and chews it as if she has no teeth. Uncle tells her to take more and in pretence, she refuses. He is excited that after their wedding, his expenditure on meat will be small, since she does not like it. May he wait until then and also until Junior is born!
As the lady eats the food, Uncle’s smart servant exploits her presence by demanding N600 for making soup, instead of N400 he has been giving him. “With this inflation, what type of soup can you make with N600?” He asks, and then gives him N1,500! Aunty is impressed, as he gives more than is demanded. May she wait until she comes in, she may be fasting for the money to buy pap! As Uncle is seeing her off, three beggars meet them, pleading for money. He gives each of them N200. Aunty is impressed that he is very kind not knowing that he is giving the money in areas, being the first time beggars are to enjoy his money since he came to Lagos! This is why we need to lean on God’s choice in marriage.
To be in harmony, the two people must remain one as joined by God – Matt 19:5 & 6, and for their prayers to be answered – Matt. 18:19. If not, the devil may use them, their parents or children, to cause conflicts between them. Bottled anger by any of them is also a weapon the devil can use. Michal, David’s wife, was an unhappy lady. She saved David from death, when her father wanted to kill him – 1Sam 19:11-28, but when David fled finally from him, he told Jonathan, her brother, but did not tell her. David must revamp her love!
When a couple is rich through the wealth of one of them, it may lead to pride, and may create a problem in its disbursement. If later, there is depletion in their finance, it may cause also a problem in meeting their needs. Their problem is not money really, but selfish-ness! For harmony, it must be dealt with immediately. Inadequate communication is also a problem that affects harmony. In one case, the couple’s relationship had degenerated to letter writing. Uncle was to go somewhere, and he wrote to his wife to wake him up at 6pm and he slept off. At 6pm, the wife wrote to him and kept the letter by his bedside. At 8pm, he woke up and rebuked her for not obeying his instruction. She pointed at the note she wrote. He was forced to sue for reconciliation!
Some husbands complain of sex denial by their wives. In one case, a wife reported to me, how her husband would break their TV and wall clock if she turns down his advances. I rebuked Uncle for that but pleaded with her for more accommodation of his desires. Reviewing the matter with the Minister, who drove me to their house, he confessed to me that he weeps, when his wife resists his advances. In another case, Uncle and his wife involved their parents in the matter, and their recommendation for them was, ‘Four times a week’. One day, after exhausting the quota, he asked for more. Aunty reminded him that he had exhausted his quota. “Yes, I know, please, debit my account for the one of next week,” he pleaded. For harmony, couples need restraint and tolerance.
Submission and love are also the antidotes for harmony. This is why God advocates for mutual submission for them – Eph 5:21. Situations, however, may arise, when the husband, as the family head, takes a position different from his wife’s. She must submit to him – Eph. 5:22- 24. Christian husbands take such positions rarely since God’s demand is absolute love for their spouses as Christ did to His Church.
He died for His Church – Eph. 5:27. “Will you give your kidney to your wife if the need arises? Will you give the second one if the doctor demands it?” I asked brethren in a certain church. That is true love. It was how Christ loved us, His church.
Trust brings harmony and its absence has brought chaos in many homes. When a church in UK was singing, ‘Trust and obey…’, a boy, by his mum’s side, was singing, ‘Trust and okay…’ His mum called him to other: “Junior, it’s trust and obey”. The boy accepted the correction but continued to sing, ‘Trust and okay…’
The mum caught the plague and agreed with him. “When we trust, everything will be okay,” she said. Trust is the pillar that holds the home. The problem with it is that you cannot tell your spouse to trust you. Who you are, as observed by her, determines if she will trust you or not. Can she trust a man with her in Lagos, who receives a phone call from their landlord demanding his rent, and before her, he lies that he is in the village, attending to his sick mum?
You are the Secretary of your church, and your wife attended its employment interview. If she asks you how she fared, and you tell her that there was a way you did it for her to get the job. She will be glad but will never trust you again. When you have an issue with her, she is worried as you have your way of handling things to your favour. How can a wife trust a man that sleeps with their maid? A wife caught Uncle pantin-hand before the maid. It is however, painful if a trustworthy partner is not trusted by the spouse. Do you know that somebody can hire a maid to tell her Madam that her husband slept with her? What will you do if you were the wife? This is why we must know our spouse very well.
There is no acceptable excuse for committing adultery. If Joseph could resist the amorous wife of Portipher, there is no rea- son why someone will succumb to that temptation. God only, knows the extent she went in enticing him. Joseph must have known what he would gain if he compromised, yet, he ran away, choosing to please God. God raised him far beyond Portipher and any person in the realm, except Pharaoh. We must learn from this, as we do not know God’s plan for us.
Well, we must have a room for forgiveness should our spouse fall into error. May there be genuine repentance and may we be giving a second chance, and never referring to it.
For further comment, Please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0802 3002- 471; anyalechiosondu@ yahoo.com.