By Vivian Onyebukwa
Given the rising cases of domestic violence in the society, some pastors have shed more light on the stance of the church regarding divorce in the face of intimate partner violence.
The Archbishop of Lagos State, Most Rev. Alfred Adewale Martins advised that even though the church doesn’t in any way condone divorce, the women being abused should take certain steps to stop it.
He added that if all efforts fail, the couple is advised to separate. He stated that many lives have been lost over the years, especially lives of women as a result of domestic violence. He described domestic violence as horrible and added that it is an act of complete cowardice for a man to lay his hands on a woman.
“It is complete irresponsibility to violate anyone in the family. A wife should not violate her husband and vice versa. They are meant to complement one another”.
The Archbishop went on to say that it is important for any woman who is being abused to make sure that she doesn’t keep silent or keep praying that the beating will pass away. He said that an abused woman needs to make some efforts, even if it means telling the family about the issue so that the family will interfere in the matter. He said: “And if that does not work, the church permits what is called separation. We do not in any way condone divorce.”
He said the period of separation is to allow everyone involved in the marriage to have a rethink and re-evaluate their marital situation with a resolve to ensure that the marriage goes on and the children do not suffer.
Archbishop Emma David Okafoagu is the Founder, New Covenant of God Mission. He said he gets cases of domestic violence in his church once in a while. Okafoagu believes that marriage can be dissolved in the face of domestic violence, but this must be done by a priest after thorough investigation from both parties involved.
He opined that God instituted marriage and Jesus said it that it is for life, but the same Jesus in Mathew 18:18 has given people the power to loose what human or Satan has bound, both here on earth and in heaven. “So standing on that injunction, a dangerous marriage can be broken after an ordained and seasoned priest has looked into the matter from both sides”, Okafoagu said.
The Founder of Jesus Campaigners Ministry, Bishop Nath Ofor, told Saturday Sun that men also experience domestic violence. He revealed that he was a victim of domestic abuse. He said this led to separation between him and his wife for the past 17 years because he was verbally abused by his wife in their marriage.
“When I discovered that my wife can verbally destroy me, I separated from her. When you keep on insulting the man in public, calling him names, accusing him of offences he did not commit, you have destroyed the man’s image. It is even better for someone to slap you than to destroy your image and everything about you.”
He stated that for some men, it is natural to beat a woman and they can’t stop beating women. For this reason, Ofor believes that when life is being threatened in a marriage, divorce should be considered.
“I am not an advocate of divorce, but when life is being threatened, it is needless for the couple involved to remain together. Don’t wait until you die. There is no marriage in heaven. People remain in marriage and die because of what people would say, just like the late Osinachi. Now that she’s dead, people are saying different things about her, some in her favour, while others are against her.”
Ofor said marriage is about love, noting that when love no longer exists in a marriage, there is no need other than for the parties involved to go their separate ways. He stated that when the couple can no longer obey the rules of marriage, which include, love and obedience, they should part ways for peace to reign.
Pastor John Oluwadare, General Superintendent, Christ Redemption Bible Church, is totally against divorce. “Generally, when we look at the Bible, God doesn’t support divorce between couples. And the situation going on in the society these days especially in the house of God, is affecting the church of God. In as much as I will not support divorce, I am in support of separation when domestic violence is prevalent in a marriage,” he said.
According to Oluwadare, separation could be for a period of time pending when the couple resolve their issues. He described separation as an opportunity for the couple to realize their mistakes and find their way back to each other. He revealed that he has not received any report of domestic violence from any member of his church.
Referring to the case of late gospel singer Osinachi, he wondered why a man would make life difficult for a fragile woman. “I feel it is envy and not being able to control his anger that made her husband abuse her constantly”.
In a situation like that, Oluwadare advised men to walk away instead of raising their hands on their wives. “Women can talk in such a way that can trigger a man’s anger, so men need to avoid getting to that point”.
He also that domestic violence doesn’t involve men abusing women alone, adding that some women take advantage of the no divorce stand of the church to abuse their pastor husbands. “Some pastors’ wives feel that once you marry them, you wouldn’t want people to hear that you divorced your wife as a pastor. They make the marriage a cross and expect you to carry it because they believe that you can’t get out if it.”