These days, the shout for women liberation and gender equality has constantly enforced the fact that women can do whatever with their bodies. But to be realistic, many Nigerian women are still struggling with this. For instance, many men at an early stage of a relationship tend to ask for the sexual body counts of the women in their lives and these women are usually being manipulated all in the name of love to always say the truth. Unfortunately, many naïve ones have lost their partners to the truth. If you ask me, I will easily tell you the truth, but women who don’t want for some reasons known to them should be left alone. They should not be manipulated, coerced or threatened because a woman’s sexual past doesn’t determine if she is a good woman or not. No matter how we scream ourselves hoarse on gender equality or feminism, women in Nigeria do not own their sexuality yet. And I don’t see them doing it soon. So, for many of us, the stigma around sex is never going to wane and many women will still have to deal with men who like to take sex inventory of past relationship. They feel it is a right and they have the gumption to ask a woman how many partners they have had and they judge them if they will be good material based on that fact. It is so annoying that for these men, the amount of women they have slept with doesn’t matter.
They are not placed on the same pedestals as the women. Oh, what a double standard! Honestly, there is absolutely nothing you can tell me, patriarchy has no shame. It is so ridiculous that while the male gender sexual activeness is hailed as champs, the women on the other hand are seen as tramps and low lives for being half as sexually adventurous as men. Before I go further on this touchy topic, I Bolatito personally think body count doesn’t matter in a relationship and I also think that every woman should keep mute when asked about their body counts. Like they say, silence is golden. So, in this situation, keep mum, Nigerian men are not ready for the truth. Why telling the truth when you are certain they are going to throw a tantrum over the issue.
The truth is that telling your partner your body count is a lose-lose situation. If you tell the truth, your spouse might probably not believe you or think that you knocked out some numbers. Even if you give a number, you don’t know whether he might see you as being too loose or inexperienced. So, I think it is better you keep quiet.
Moreover, no matter how liberal a man might sound, the sexual escapades of the woman he truly loves matters. I think you should keep that topic off the limit. I strongly feel that your partner’s sexual past doesn’t matter except that your body count has something to do with a present medical condition. Even when such situation arises, your spouse is not a medical doctor. So, for me, the only person you should confide in is your doctor or gynaecologist who needs that information for your medical history. Sis, that baby boo you are so crazy about will judge you if he knows too much; so, keeps your mouth zipped up. Listen attentively to me, if your spouse has slept with 50 women and you have only slept with four men, your four men will be too many and he will never place himself on the same judgment pedestal as yours because he was raised to be entitled to many women while you should remain a virgin. A lady once told his partner he had three sexual partners in her entire life and she felt she was decent enough, but her boyfriend raised an eyebrow and told him that his dad told him to always multiply a lady’s body count by five. He never believed her even though she was saying the truth. Dear sisters, stop being naïve because people will always judge you no matter how honest you are about your past lovers and the assumptions they make is usually wrong too. Also, I am sorry to burst your bubble because I am not going to sit here and tell you which body count is too high or too low. For instance, some people think three is too high, others think that shows the lady is inexperienced. So, everyone is different and has different opinions about these things.
But do these things really add value in a relationship? My answer is NO! However, these days, these questions have become very important in many relationships because the amount of men a woman has slept with overrides the quality of her personality. This idea is so annoying that many women tell a lot of lies in order to shield their past and keep their body count low. I think that is the latest standard for morality since virgins are scarce these days. Nigerians finally figured other ways of telling women to keep their vaginas closed by keeping tabs on body counts. Sadly, such trivialities matter in a patriarchy society like ours, a country where women are told that sleeping with more than one man is promiscuous and that choosing not to be as sexually active or abstaining will make them prude. But on the other hand, men are able to sleep with as many women as they want without anyone questioning them. In my entire life, I have never seen a man being shamed by the number of women he slept with, it is always the women who are being slut-shamed.
But who are these women sleeping with? I think women have had enough of these nonsense and they should stop giving these immature men an audience. The number of people a woman has slept with is no one’s business and men who take this as a priority in a relationship should be treated as inconsequential. If a man is more concerned about the feeble numbers rather than the quality of woman he is in love with, then he should go to hell.
As I have learned over the years, a genuine man will not ask her woman about other men, he would rather be worried about whom the kind of woman she is. Moreover, high body counts don’t signify promiscuity, it could only imply a troubled childhood, escapism or even depression and some women also quietly carry a low count for the same reasons. Please get this straight, I will never be on the side of any promiscuous person, be it a man or woman.
All I am asking for is a fair treatment for both genders. No gender is more superior to the other. Frankly speaking, I feel that it is only men who are not confident enough that ask these probing questions. How a woman achieves optimal orgasm in her adult life is no one’s business.
Re: you want a baby and there is no mr right in sight? Go get pregnant
Thanks for your article on Sunday Sun. It is high time we told our people the home truth. Thanks for taking mindset away from the political issues. Apart from aunty Funke, I think I will keep in touch with your column henceforth
– Isaac Ekpoumoh
I know that God remains forever and I am very sorry for the breakers of God’s law.-Augustine Ukaegbu.
That man has gone out of God’s way is responsible for all the evil in the world today. The western world is promoting the greatest sin which God condemns.
Bola, I have finished reading your one in a million articles. You have given ageing ladies the best advice. Whoever ignores you will have to blame herself if she grows too old with neither a husband nor a child. They should learn from others. Please, repeat this article in many ways. God bless you –Tony
You want to have a baby and there is no Mr Right insight…? Please say it louder. I am a man and a Christian and I share your view
Bolatito good evening, you are wonderful. I think you should be appreciated more for this great work
To get pregnant, how ma? Through a donor or from just anybody? It is not as easy as it seems, but I must confess this is a foremost societal issue. I know what most of our singles ladies are passing through and it is really challenging.
Bola, in totality, I buy into your position on unmarried ladies, clocking towards menopause to have children, no matter what anyone feels or thinks about it. There is no child without a father because his being cannot be without fusing of male and female sex hormones. And where is the difference between a divorced woman with children or one with a late husband and a single lady with kids?
They are all husbandless. Sentiments should be set aside on this issue. Such is a misplaced priority in this regard. Many critics of the act would not offer a hand to a childless single lady when needed at her advanced age. Your advice on the matter is sane and sound, absolutely. More grease.