It is common to think that all someone feels after getting engaged is a sense of completeness, satisfaction, and exhilaration. But for some people, this is not usually the case.
People expect engaged couples to beam with smiles and look into each other’s eyes with passion. They are expected to be in a hurry to sign the dotted lines and start their lives together as man and wife.
But sometimes, things don’t go as planned as some people develop cold feet about getting engaged. Some people who were elated to be engaged suddenly feel a sense of panic a few days after all the excitement of posting their engagement pictures.
These men and women shared with Effects some possible reasons why they regret getting engaged.
Tina: I started questioning my partner’s motives
Two weeks after we got engaged earlier this year, I felt anxious. I started having panic attacks thinking about spending the rest of my life with Gideon.
I feel lost. I don’t think I trust his motives anymore. Out of the blues, he serenaded me and proposed. Having been with him for three years plus and practically begging him to do right by me, I feel ambushed by his actions.
I come from a wealthy family and honestly Gideon is doing well for himself but I feel uneasy because I think he suddenly decided to marry me because of my family’s money.
I may be wrong but that’s how I feel and it’s affecting our relationship right now. I don’t want him to think I just don’t want to marry him. I have my reservations about getting engaged to him.
Yvonne: I feel it’s too soon to be engaged
I started dating my boyfriend in February this year and for him to propose this soon scared me.
I am not a fan of rushing into marriage because other people are doing it. I am 33-years-old and I love my independence and peace of mind over any relationship.
The first time he told me he wanted to marry me, I told him that I don’t see myself spending a lifetime with one man. It will drive me crazy. I will get bored.
He assured me that our marriage would be different and he would do everything within his power to make our relationship exciting and fun-filled.
When he proposed two months ago, I quickly agreed to marry him but afterwards, I felt I wasn’t ready to be married to someone I didn’t know well. I felt strange. I feel it’s too soon to get engaged.
Nathan: We got engaged because I didn’t want to lose her
I got engaged to this pretty, intelligent, spunky, feisty and hardworking lady who is also loving, kind and supportive.
But now, I feel like I did the wrong thing and I am scared of telling her that we might not get married afterwards. It will break her because she says she loves me very much.
Deep down, I know that this engagement is just a band-aid. We have not been getting along well. We haven’t felt close in a while because of fights and misunderstandings.
In fact, we got in a big fight just a few days before the engagement. I know in my gut that an engagement shouldn’t fall on the heels of endless fighting.
I know I am trying to hold on to us because I am scared of losing her because she’s all I want in a woman, but if we get married, we will end up worse than we are now. And that scares me. I am confused.
Cynthia: I regret getting engaged because I loved his family not him
I regret getting engaged to a man I have dated for four years. I know this might sound silly to some people, given what some ladies do just to get engaged and get married these days.
I don’t know how it happened but I just love his family. He’s great but, really, it’s about his relatives. I love his family because of how close-knitted they are.
I don’t have that kind of family. It’s every man for himself in my family. I have not seen some of my cousins and relatives in over ten years. We don’t hate one another but we are not close.
So when I met his family, I felt connected to something I was missing in my family. I felt loved and wanted. They treated me well and are eager for us to get married and have plenty children. They are warm and loving people.
But after we got engaged, I realized that I didn’t really love this guy the way it should be, I was carried away by his family’s warmth and loving attitude.
I know it’s not fair to him that I marry him for his family. I need to let him know this and if he still feels it’s okay for us to get married, then we will. For now, let me continue to enjoy the love of his family members.
Stephen: I don’t believe in marriage
I am the only son of my parents. My father died when I was 14 and my mom struggled to raise five of us. I have four sisters.
The issue is that I got engaged just to please my mother. She has been on my neck to get married and start having children immediately I turned 25. I am 30 years old but I really don’t want to get married.
I believe in the relationship I have with this lady I’m dating but I don’t believe in marriage. I would love to spend my life with my partner, but I don’t really believe in the institution of marriage.
I don’t understand why we must get married to enjoy our relationship for life. It doesn’t make sense to me to add marriage to what we have.
I am just doing it for my mum but it feels like a lie to me and to her as well because she won’t understand why an only son wouldn’t like the idea of marriage.
Ifeoma: My partner deserves a complete individual
I am engaged to a guy I love but I feel like I’m lying to him. I have been hurt by different guys in my previous relationships and I carry a lot of emotional baggage around.
I regret getting engaged to this guy because I still have some personal work to do on myself, my heart and my emotions. I lash out at him sometimes for irrelevant reasons. I suspect his every move. I don’t trust him. It’s as if I am punishing him for what other guys did to me and I feel it’s not right.
I have tried many times to pep-talk myself into treating him better and I am almost there, but I still have some wounds to heal from past traumas from my past relationships. I feel my fiancé deserves an emotionally-healed woman. I don’t want to break his heart.
Anthony: My attention has wandered
I am not proud of it, but my attention has wandered lately. I have had certain thoughts about other women. I have even flirted a bit with one of my co-workers. I felt different with her. I felt good and then felt bad afterwards.
It could be because I am with the wrong partner or it could be a symptom of some issues I have been having with my girl lately which we need to work out.
Either way, it has me feeling unsettled. I don’t want to dash the hope of my fiancée by ending our engagement but I shouldn’t get married for the wrong reasons either. I don’t want to get married and still be having fun with other women. I feel it’s not right.
Onyebuchi: My family and friends have concerns about my fiancée
I am jittery about getting engaged because my friends and family have concerns about my fiancee. They tell me she’s not the right woman for me because she’s too materialistic. They say I will end bankrupt if I eventually marry her.
I love her and want to marry her but their constant concern is beginning to affect our relationship. She tells me that they are just trying to destroy our relationship. I don’t know what to do.