As we join the last quarter of the year through the mercy of God, the pertinent question is, how have we been correcting one another over time? When you hear that love rules the world, does it resonate with you? Many really believe that love rules, but do you? Love exists perfectly when the players involved are interested and willing to entrench love at its best. If all of us understand love the way Christ instructed, there would not be disagreement in families, business relationships, offices or market, among other situations of human interactions.
In recent times, it has become the trend for people to correct, teach, pass information or relate with others without being polite or show some compassion. Over the years, I have learnt that the five kind magic words have changed situations for good, caused laughter, turned anger to happiness. So then, what will someone gain by choosing to be hard on others all the time?
There is no exception to where brash attitudes are displayed; it happens in homes, schools, churches and the entire society and it keeps growing on a daily basis. In a home or elsewhere, there is a big difference between ‘kindly give me a cup of water’ and ‘will you quickly give me a cup of water.’ Actually, both are errands, but one is sent on a polite note while the other is brash, crude and commanding. A child who is constantly addressed in this manner would grow up thinking it is the normal practice, meanwhile it is not.
Now, there have been great testimonies where correcting with love yielded very positive results. Correcting with love does not mean speaking with low tone or being afraid, to cover some facts, No. It means that the right factual words are made to sink into the mind in a kind loving tone for either the old or young. When a child does something that is wrong, should a guardian or parent descend on the child heavily with all manner of offensive and abusive language or should the child be brought in close, to explain the consequences of a wrong decision or action he or she took? Correcting with love does not mean that a rod would be spared to spoil the child? No. Where there is need for flogging or spanking, it should all be carried out because it is also a means to the goal, most especially as Africans who like to sink ideas into their roots. After the spanking what next?
I recall the case of Mrs. Bot, who was a secretary at the secretariat of Mangu Local Government Area, Jos, Plateau State, during my national service year. In one of our discussions, she told us in a gathering: “As growing children, I have not forgotten when N10.00 was missing in our house and owned up to have seen or taken it. My father gave my younger ones six strokes of the cane, and the seniors got 12 strokes. The tears were much and he simply allowed us cry to our fill. The next morning, he woke us up as early as 5:00am to address the issue. His first question was, do you know why I flogged you yesterday? We said, yes. Who took the money, we all kept quiet? From that question, he explained the reason for his action and spoke: ‘I do not want to raise children that I am not proud of in future and told us the story of a man who was an armed robber that terrorized his community. A day came he was caught and was to be killed by firing squad in the presence of his parents, siblings and community. As he was tied to the stake, he asked his mother to come near; she came in her tears and he bit her earlobe while telling her, you did not tell me that stealing was bad. The woman cried the more and the executioners carried out their duty and shot him to death.’ My father told us the story with a lot of demonstrations, questions and fear; and at that point my senior brother broke down in tears and confessed he was the one that took the money. My father stressed the danger of the line he was towing and he promised never ever to take money again. He did not stop at that, he brought out the Holy Book to show us the 10 commandments of God if one must see God in heaven.”
The story Mrs. Bot told is a typical example of correcting with love, especially the moral and strong biblical words where such actions are condemned in the Bible. Her father, she further said, capped it up with several examples of people who excelled in life without staining their hands in stealing and people who chose pilfering as a way of life.
Today, it is being noticed that most parents do not have the time for their children and wards, therefore, fail to notice the wrong actions and decisions taken by the young ones, not to talk of correcting them politely or carelessly. You can only correct what you know, not what you do not know. In the home of the Okolis, their first son Arnold, was gradually becoming rebellious, unsociable, rude and impudent, his father would yell at him with no corrective measure because, he would have lost his temper on noticing or hearing his poor conduct. His father thought it was a tough man’s game, not knowing he was gradually losing his son to his peers. It took the intervention of his driver who is naturally more polite, sociable and calm to get the teenage boy into the accepted family circle again. Not once would he call him, he would respond with grumbling, but he smiles when he is with the driver because the driver would throw a smile at him first.
Now, it is accepted that human ingenuity could fail in the face of agitated feelings, but correcting with love is not only about using the right language, it is also about living and showing the right example to others. Any motive for reproof other than love for the one who is corrected falls short of biblical precept. It is also to see another in his true identity as God’s child, not as a mistaken or outright sinful mortal. Without polite corrections, churches and families would run into ditches. During a training session for a selected group of senior banking officers, one of their very intelligent facilitators was voted out at the end of the conference because of the manner of his correction. The bankers told the organizers never to invite him again because he was full of insolence in his admonitions. In the Apapa area of Lagos state, a popular clearing and forwarding agent was known to be notorious with his staff members. At the slightest mistake, he would correct a full-grown man with a knock on his head. That was his way of correcting his staff until a certain day that hell was let loose. He had sent John to the bank to make some payments which would aid the moving of their goods from the ship to another reachable location; before John could wade through the traffic and complete his assignment it took half of the day. The ones manning the goods were not patient as their persistent telephone calls also put the office of the clearing agent into a frenzy situation. John met his boss at the entrance of the office with a weary look; as he tried to explain what happened in the process, a hot knock landed on his head with a sigh and comment, “You should have taken a motorcycle for quick movement.” John didn’t understand what happened to him as he retaliated with a knock on his master’s head and the scene became an eyesore. Most people blamed John for his action, while a few also blamed his boss saying, “You should not treat your staff in such a condescending manner.”
A certain Pentecostal church experienced a nosedive because whenever a member went to the pastor to confide a personal matter, it would be the topic for the sermon the next day. Even though he tried to correct his congregants, but he was not polite as he scandalized issues he should have treated with respect.
Dear Nigerians, let us be cautious in what we do today, because a well corrected child leads to bonding in the family and the experience lingers which brings good to the society at large.