Some men are jealous when they notice that their children are relating more to their wives. The truth is that, unlike men, many wives make painful sacrifices for the children. In one case, as I wrote in one of my books, a wife delivered her baby in the bush, the day the Federal Army entered our town. When the baby was crying, the man felt that it would reveal where they were hiding. He told his wife that they should abandon the baby and run away. The lady, like most mums, refused to leave her baby. Her husband left them and ran away. Thank God that he came back for them the next day.
Some wives have gone to bed on empty stomach after feeding their spouses and children. Some mums have given money to their children behind the scenes, after their unsuccessful plea with their spouses to increase the amount they had given to the children. Some men have driven away their wives because of their children’s misdeeds, which the wives knew nothing about. While men take credit for their children’s exploits, mums are blamed often for their failures.
It was strange, how a lady was very happy, and she celebrated it, when her mother died. “It is good that my mum is dead. I wish, she will be at the hottest place in hell,” she said. She described her mum as selfish and wicked. The lady narrated how her stepfather started raping her when she was twelve years old until she was twenty years. She reported it to her mum, and she warned her not to say or do anything that would make him to be unhappy with her, the evil mum.
The man’s conduct was wickedness personified. Imagine someone, raping a little girl that was calling him, ‘Daddy’! “Did anybody warn him?” You may ask. It could be that he was so infatuated with the sin, so blinded of God’s wrath about it, and so bereaved of the consequence, that he would ignore any warning. It could have begun with a thought, a tiny weeny thought that grew and matured in his mind! Her mum was selfish and selfishness is driven by self-centeredness. The person’s interest is only on self pleasure, not considering the implication of his conduct on others.
Aunty’s interest was on her personal satisfaction through the happiness of her spouse, not minding whose ox was gored. A mother from hell, she did not bother that her spouse had introduced sexual immorality, a grievous sin before God, to her teenage daughter. We thank God that the young girl frowned at it, hence she reported the incest to her.
It is strange that some wives, even if sin is involved, would go the extra mile to please their husbands. In 1966, the parents withdrew their children from our school, accusing the Head Master’s wife of arranging school girls to be sleeping in turns with him. I was new there, but what was not in doubt was the deep intimacy between the old couple. Yes, old! Seven of their children were working, while the eighth, about seventeen, was in the college. The couple was seen often, playing ludo and none of them would eat food without the other. If the allegation was true, as evil as the conduct was, it was better than sleeping with one’s stepdaughter.
The young girl hated what Uncle was doing to her, knowing that she was too young for it and realizing also that she was not his wife. God made sexual relationship to be between only a man and his wife. By his conduct, Uncle was trying to make her believe that God’s position on sex is wrong, and that it can be done at any age and also outside wedlock. If the teenager had accepted that, it would have ruined her life. It could be the ugly background of prostitutes.
Aunty dashed to pieces regrettably, what many women, who are facing this type of problem, lack. That is, their daughters, not reporting sexual abuses from men. In one case, as I wrote in this Column, a teenager was pregnant but did not know the man responsible for it. She was sleeping with her mum’s tenants. As Aunty was busy, making money, these men were busy also, sleeping with her! Money, may God deliver us from it! I visited a couple once, and up till 9pm, when I left, they had not returned from work. In that case, the housemaid would be their children’s Dad and Mum and anything could happen! May God deliver us from such jobs!
It was surprising that Aunty did not blush that her husband from hell, was sharing her with her daughter for eight years under her roof! In 1976, a mum was angry with her daughter for not communicating with a Head Master in our town. I intervened and asked the girl why she was behaving that way. Being born-again when she came to Lagos, she confessed to me that unknown to her mum, the man, who was sleeping with her mum, was sleeping with her too. I informed her mum. For sure, it was the end of the man’s evil deeds!
If Aunty was a true mum, and indeed, a child of God, she would have confronted her husband in a calm manner, without making it public. That was the wisdom God gave me for my Uncle’s wife. In a certain December, I arrived home from Lagos, with her daughter living with me, for our Annual Camp Meeting. She was surprised that, without resting, we were ready to leave for the four-day crusade. I confronted her with my previous-sad life, of bringing girlfriends home, when I was in the university. I told her that God was holding me responsible for the sin I was committing. I told her that He was holding her also, for encouraging fornication, as she was making the ladies comfortable by cooking food for them. When I surrendered my life to Jesus, I told her, He forgave me but was still holding her guilty. I reminded her that it was true that what she was doing was expression of love for me, not knowing that it was aiding and abetting immorality. “Ask God to forgive you and He will do so,” I told her. It made her to accept the Lord Jesus as her Lord and personal Saviour.
It was not enough that the young girl complained to her mum that her stepdad was exploiting her sexually. It might, perhaps, not be possible for her to leave that house at twelve years old but later on, at least from the age of sixteen, she should have left. She would be able, with divine wisdom, especially, if she was born-again, to confront her mum and her stepdad. That was the wisdom Rev. Nathan applied when David committed adultery and murdered Uriah, the woman’s husband. “I have sinned,” he confessed before Nathan.
It is not Christianity for the exploited lady to keep mum until her mum was dead and then desired that she would go to the hottest part of hell fire to pay for her gross selfishness.
For further comment, Please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0802 3002-471; [email protected]