Trust is one of the most important aspects of relationships. Without trust, suspicion, anger and bitterness have a free reign with all their attendant repercussions. And one of the ways couples keep trust alive in their relationships is by sharing passwords to their phones, emails, and social media accounts. While it has worked for some, others argue that it is not a good idea to share your password with your lover or spouse. Here are interesting responses to sharing passwords in relationships.
Adaeze: Exchanging passwords has saved me from a toxic relationship
For me, exchanging passwords has saved me from a toxic relationship. After finding some receipts that proved my boyfriend was lying to me about being on a business trip one weekend, I decided to look at his email to be sure before I pulled the plug on the relationship.
And it was clear to me that he lied about where he was. It wasn’t the first time it would happen. He would disappear and reappear and accuse me of cheating and all that. He was aggressive and almost violent at some point. Once I found that I just had to have more evidence.”
One day, he gave me his password to help him send a mail to a business partner. From his messages, I discovered he was still communicating with his exes. He had taken a trip to visit an ex and told me it was a work trip. He was still signed up with dating sites and other hook up sites and actively communicating with different women from all over the world. I found some pictures of him and women he swore were friends in the act. We had dated for a year and lived together for about five months. I was trying to find some way to give him the benefit of the doubt. In the end, it was clear to me that he was not it for me and that he had issues I couldn’t fix.
Peter: It’s easier to be in a relationship when you have nothing to hide
I have shared the passwords to my computer, email and social media accounts with every girlfriend I have ever had. It’s a matter of convenience. My girlfriends can check my email whenever I can’t access it. It’s easier to be in a relationship where you know you have nothing to hide and you are 100 per cent honest about who you are, and what you are doing. If there’s something you are concerned about your partner seeing, that means there are fundamental issues with your relationship beyond privacy.
Tobi: Exchanging passwords is an exercise based on trust
Although I don’t feel comfortable exchanging passwords with trustworthy family members and long-term friends, I feel comfortable exchanging access to our personal information with my boyfriend of two years. It’s an exercise based on trust. If you have nothing to hide, why would you want to hide your password? Knowing someone has access to your most private things can keep you honest.
Queen: I don’t share passwords with my spouse
I got into a dangerous situation three years ago when my then-boyfriend started reading my emails. I had given him the password one day to assist me with placing orders for some company shares, but he capitalized on the opportunity to start logging into my mail box at will. He went through all my emails, including ones that I had thrown away. He went into every folder. He got really mad at some messages and attacked me. Since then, I don’t even consider sharing passwords with my spouse. I now have this paranoia where I wouldn’t even share it even if I trusted someone. You never know what’s going to upset someone. I don’t know if that makes me less trusting or just wiser.
From my experience, the best way to determine if you are ready to share passwords with your spouse is to check and see if you are on the same page. If you have any question in your mind, the answer is no. You shouldn’t be sharing something if your partner refuses to share his. People are happiest when they have a match. You and your partner should be a match in that respect too.
Hilda: It keeps us on the right track
Because I think it’s a sign of trust and I want to be able to trust my husband. So if I’m not willing, then I wouldn’t be willing to marry him, I guess. We share our passwords. He knows mine and I know his. It keeps us on the right track. It makes us honest with each other.
Tayo: I am a fan of complete transparency in a committed relationship
My wife and I share everything. When she wanted my password, I didn’t see any problem giving it to her. I’m not hiding anything. If she wants to check my email or anything, that’s up to her. One day, she stumbled on a message my ex sent me, and all hell was let loose. I almost regretted giving her my passwords, but I knew I had to calm her down. I know how important trust is to my wife, so I oblige her. I am fan of complete transparency in a committed relationship. Knowing each other’s passwords could foster an open and healthy relationship.
I don’t believe that sharing passwords gives couples a way to keep tabs on each other by snooping. It is even the lack of transparency that will promote snooping. Sharing passwords is a way of bonding or showing trust that can give couples peace of mind.
Chimezie: I can never give my wife my passwords
This is not going to happen. I can never give my wife my password, for what? Women should know their place. You don’t have the right to demand for passwords from your husband. That’s disrespect. I have a right to have hers, but she can’t request for mine. I am her head. I married her and paid her dowry, so she is answerable to me. All these new generation women are just disrespectful.
Onyinye: My husband won’t give me his password, so I changed mine after giving him
In the past, I exchanged my passwords with my husband but later, I changed it because he won’t give me his. It caused a fight between us but I stood my grounds. If he wants transparency, he should lead by example. He has unsuccessfully tried to log into my mail and Facebook account but I get notifications each time he tries. We are in this marriage together and we should be on the same page.
Victor: Why should I want cause problems for myself by giving my wife my passwords?
Marriage is not for children. Any woman who can’t trust her husband should not get married to begin with. Why do I want to cause problems for myself by giving my wife my passwords? I won’t try it. She will turn around to use everything there against me. I know my wife, she’s too possessive. When she stylishly suggested it, I told her no. I also refused to have hers. It’s her private life. I don’t believe exchanging passwords translates to a better relationship. Sometimes, it’s better not to know some things to save yourself and your partner some heartache.
Nneka: Sharing passwords doesn’t improve relationships
I don’t believe in sharing passwords. I didn’t give mine to my partner and I didn’t request for his. I don’t see the need to do so. To me, it doesn’t improve one’s relationship. If you have trust issues with your partner, talk about it and deal with it. The only way to manage healthy personal space is to deal with those trust issues the moment they start coming up. The minute you feel the need to be reassured that you can trust your partner, you need to start the conversations about your faith in yourself, the relationship and him. All a password gains you is access to a can of worms in your own head.