By Gloria Ikegbule
A certain woman, Angela (other names withheld) started out early in her medical profession. First, she trained as auxiliary nurse before she went back to school and rose in her academic pursuit to become a midwife. During those times, all her friends knew her thought about an ideal family – a husband, wife and two boys and a girl. None of her friends ever doubted her dream because of her sound medical background.
But a few years into the marriage, there was a dramatic twist. Angela, who got married to Christian, had three girls in a row, with no male child in sight. Her saving grace was that her husband loved his girl-children and did not give a fuss about not having a male child.
But for Mrs. Marie Marire, the opposite is the case. Married at a young age, she was never prepared for the traumatic experience that awaited her in seeking a male child.
According to researchers, preference for male over girl child is age-long. It is upheld majorly as a show of the man’s macho and continuation of family lineage. And in most cultures, the woman is not regarded or respected until she has had a male child. These cultural values of male-child domination is said to be peculiar to South Asia and Africa. It is believed to have succeeded in driving many women into desperation mostly if the first and second children are females.
Sharing her story, Mrs. Marire said: “When I was giving birth to my daughters consecutively, it was like an abomination. I had six girls and the seventh a boy. During that time, one woman killed herself because she had her third baby girl.”
Describing her journey in motherhood, she said: “When I gave birth to my first girl, she was a bundle of joy and jubilation in the family. When the second came, it was not a laughing matter. And when the third and fourth came, I was left in the hospital. I managed to enter the house.” And then her search for a male child began.
She recounted during one of her pregnancies, how she fainted after a prophecy that the child in her womb was a female. “I survived my experience by God’s help because I was told I had not started having children. I had six girls. During breast feeding, I would be crying. I recall visiting a particular prayer house during one of my pregnancies. I was three months pregnant then and after the pastor prayed, he prophesised that I would have a baby girl. Honestly, I fainted. And they started pouring water on me.
“But today, I look at my daughters and appreciate God for the blessing He gave me that I would have missed if I had allowed my depression to cause me to maltreat my adorable daughters,” she recounted.
Marire, presently an evangelist at Victoria Bible Ministry Worldwide, declared that she was living a happy and fulfilled life, as a mother of six daughters and a son. “Today, my daughters are doing well. Honestly, they care more than the boy. They pay monthly for my upkeep aside from the pleasure of traveling abroad to spend vacation with them.”
Based on her bitter-sweet experience, through her non-governmental organisation, Woman Na Something, Marire is preaching the message of hope and pride to depressed wives, especially those subjected to ridicule because of their inability to have a male child.
But as far as Marire is concerned, a woman means a lot all over the world; they are the backbone of every society. She mentioned Dora Akunyili, Agbani Darego as few women, who had impacted the world with their feminine prowess. Biologically, however, she contended that the birth of a male or female child depends on the man. “The man has the serious part to play,” she insists. “But when the baby girl comes, the blame goes to the woman. Meanwhile no blame or query goes to the man, who is supposed to give what is needed to bring forth a male child. Ignorantly, the women folk carry the pressure of not having a male child on their shoulders.”
With her Woman Na Something organisation, she gives succour and celebrates the women, making them realise their girl children are treasures. “Honestly, after having the first child, you will want the second to be a boy. And when this does not happen, the woman feels uncomfortable, as she begins to sense the feeling of her husband. But thankfully, things are changing. The girl child is doing very well and beginning to gain recognition in the family. But the obvious rejection and torment the woman receives from her husband makes some girls to find it difficult to care for their father in his old age.”
Marire stated that it’s the man’s job to protect his wife from socio-cultural harassments. She advised the men to always show affection and respect to their wives so that women would know the value placed on them.
“Governor Ayodele Fayose exemplified this during the celebration of this year’s International Women’s Day. I shed tears, as I watched him on television praise women and showed he loved them. He called up his wife first before his mother and showered amazing praises on her. He also honoured his mother but he gave authority to his wife first. If men can behave like Governor Fayose, the gesture would improve the self-worth of the women and the mindset of some young girls, who want their mothers-in-law dead before their marriage to their sons will be averted.”
She noted that in the absence of a male child in the family, the man should show the wife some understanding and seek to weather the storm together with her. She said the woman should learn to make herself happy and to feel relevant irrespective of the situation.
Marire called on government to give childless mothers or aging adults, who had capacity to maintain a child, the opportunity to adopt. “Let the process be made easy,” she said. “Children come from God whether it’s a boy or a girl. Our responsibility is to train them well,” she advised.