■ Widows, relations recall last contacts with Nigerian military officers who died in battles with Boko Haram

From MOLLY KILETE, Abuja

It would amount to stating the obvious that many courageous members of the Nigerian armed forces have died in the battle against Boko Haram in the northeast part of the country.
Very senior, middle and junior army officers have been numbered among the dead. Before now, the bodies of soldiers killed in the counter insurgency war were brought to Abuja or released to their families for burial.
However, Lt Colonel Abu Ali’s body and the soldiers who died along with him were flown to Abuja, because of the courage he displayed in the war against Boko Haram and as a mark of national honour.
In the Nigerian Air Force for an example, a good number of its officers and airmen have died in the ongoing war against the insurgents.
The Air Force recorded its first casualty on July 25, 2013, when the terrorists killed Sergeant Umar Abubakar in Maiduguri.
On July 21, 2014, it lost yet another officer, Flight Lieutenat Akweke Junior Nwakile, who died in a Mi-35, helicopter crash, while on a training mission in south of Bama in Borno State. As if that was not enough, on September12, 2014, two NAF officers, Group Captain Abdulrasheed Bamidele Braimoh and Wing Commander Chinda Hedima, who were on an interdiction mission at Kauri, against the terrorists in an Alfa Jet with registration number NAF/466, were shot down by the terrorists.
Hedima, was brutally slaughtered by the terrorists as witnessed by one of his soldiers, while the whereabouts of Braimoh, remains unknown till this day. The list of gallant officers and soldiers who laid down their lives for Nigeria is long.

On the phone he told me not to worry that he would come back
– Mother of Flying Officer, Duke L. Toryem
Like many young people with a passion to serve in the country’s armed forces, late Flying Officer Duke Linus Toryem enthusiastically enlisted in the Nigeria Air Force on August 16, 2008, at the Nigerian Defence Academy, NDA, as a member of the 60th Regular Course.
Born on May 21, 1989, Toryem was 19 years at the time he enlisted. After completing the training, Toryem was commissioned as a Pilot Officer in August 2013. He had hopes and aspirations to rise to the pinnacle of his career and make his family proud.
With a Bachelor of Science degree from the NDA, Toryem was sent for advanced training at home and abroad. Evidently, he had a bright future in the military. Sadly, it all ended on May 21, 2015, when Boko Haram killed him in Sambisa forest while on a mission with his colleagues to rescue the Chibok schoolgirls abducted by the murderous sect in April 2014. He died exactly three days to his 26th birthday, plunging his family members into sorrow.
Expectedly, news of his death hit the family like a thunderbolt. Moreover they doubted the news. As his mother recalled, he spoke with her on the phone. In the course of the conversation, Toryem had told his mother: “Mummy don’t worry I will be back.”
In response to the invitation by military authorities to attend the burial of the fallen heroes at the National Military Cemetery, Abuja, his parents and younger brother traveled to the nation’s capital, somehow still holding unto the hope that what they were told was not true. When the then Chief of Air Staff, Air Marshal Amosu walked over to where the family was seated, Toryem’s mother asked him: “Where is my son, he told me he was coming back.”
The weight of the question made him lose his manly effort to hold back his emotions as he sobbed along with the distraught mother of his fallen air officer. He said soothing words to Mr. Udzer Toryem, father of the deceased.
Still unbelieving, the family made an earnest request to look at the corpse of their son for the last time after the casket arrived the cemetery from the National Hospital mortuary. The request was granted and some NAF medical personnel opened the casket for them to see.
Then after the Christian funeral rites were performed, the body of Flying Officer Duke Linus Toryem, was interned at exactly 10.41a.m. and the national flag used to drape the casket was folded and given to the family along with his service sword, peak cap and boots.

My husband called me two hours before he died –Mrs Gloria S.K. Umaru, widow of officer killed by Boko Haram
Life without the support of her husband has not been easy for the widow of Major Solomon Kabiru Umaru, who was killed in battle by Boko Haram on December 17, 2014, one week to Christmas.
The widow, who hails from Ebonyi State, said her husband Solomon Kabiru Umaru, from Yobe State, spoke with her two hours before he was killed in battle.
Imagine the shock of learning about the death of her beloved husband through a Black Berry Messenger (BBM) posting. She was overwhelmed by the shock of the news, which was later confirmed by the commanding officer of the unit where her husband served. Incidentally, Lieutenant-Colonel Abu Ali now late was the last person that saw her husband before his death.
Recalling her last contact with her husband who she said got killed two weeks after he was posted to the northeast, Umaru told Sunday Sun: “My husband only spent two weeks in the northeast before he was killed by the Boko Haram. I got to know about my husband’s death on BBM update and it was so unfortunate that I did. It was from the wife of one of his senior colleagues that I got to know about his death before his commander eventually told me. I was in Port Harcourt at the time when the incident occurred.
“He called me the very day he died. I am shaking as I am talking to you now because this is one thing I don’t like talking about. He called me two hours before his death. We spoke and the last thing he said was, ‘Babe, I will call you back.’ He called and wanted to know about the kids and my car because my car was involved in an accident two months before his death. So when he called, he wanted to find out if I had gotten somebody to buy the car and all of that. And all of a sudden he said, “Babe, I will call you back and that was all.”
The late Major Solomon Kabiru Umaru was born in Lagos on February 13, 1980. He was a native of Gashua, Bade Local Government Area, Yobe State. He had his primary education in Lagos before proceeding to the Air Force Military School (AFMS) Jos, Plateau State, and graduated in 1998. His leadership skills earned him the position of J/RSM (Overall) of his set. He was admitted into the Nigerian Defence Academy, Kaduna, as a member of the 50th Regular Combatant course where he studied Chemistry, graduating with a Second Class Honours (Upper division).
A soldier’s wife who is now acquainted with death, Mrs. Umaru attended the burial of the late Lt Col Ali, to comfort his widow, and to encourage her, drawing from her own experience. In an interview with Sunday Sun, Mrs. Umaru, said that as a woman married to a military officer, she greatly regretted not being employed or economically engaged when her husband died. She said that she remained a full time housewife to take care of her children, which is what most women married to military personnel do. With the benefit of hindsight, she counsels wives of military personnel to be employed or economically active while their husbands are serving the country, so as not to be caught napping.
She said that not having a job is the worst thing that can happen to a woman especially when she loses her husband. But she is full of praise for the army, which, she said, had done so much to ease her pains and burdens and that of the children as they had not failed in paying the salary of her husband and even built a house for them where she now lives with the children. She also said that friends of her husband contributed money for her to start a business.

My late husband’s last word was that I should pray for him, that they were going for an operation –Mrs. Cynthia Kaneng Dalaky, widow of Major K. S. Dalaky
For Mrs. Cynthia Kaneg Dalaky, April 7, is a day she would not forget in a hurry because apart from the fact that her husband who was deployed to the northeast to fight the counter insurgency war ravaging that part of the country died on that day, he had also requested for prayers from her.
Mrs Dalaky, who was pregnant at the time, recalled that a day before he was killed in battle, he had taken an unusual look at her, drew her close, placed his hands on her tummy and asked her to take very good care of herself and their unborn child.
In a chat with Sunday Sun, she described her late husband as a calm and gentleman, who loved his job in the military with all his heart. She also described him as a good father and responsible husband.
She said she got to hear about the sad news of the death of her husband on BBM chat and tried severally to get him on his mobile phone, which was switched off.
Not knowing what else to do, she ran to her neighbours to tell them what was happening.
“My late husband was a calm and gentleman who loved his job with passion. He was a good father and he was dedicated to his job.
“His last words to me were ‘Babe, please pray for me. We are going for an operation.’ A day before then, he looked at me and said take care of yourself. Then he rubbed my tummy and said “and baby too”. I was three months pregnant then. I confirmed the news of his death on BBM. I was disturbed when I didn’t hear from him for more than three hours. It was on a Sunday and the last text I received from him was about 2.39pm. I tried calling him about 5pm but his numbers were not reachable. At 7.30 pm I got disturbed when his number was still switched off. He hardly switches off his phone.  Rather he would put it on silent mode. I called a friend of his and he said they had not talked as he had been been trying to reach him too.
“He said please if you get him, tell him I’ve also been trying his line. We didn’t even know he was dead already. I remember I repeatedly checked Twitter to see if anything had happened in Yobe but I didn’t see anything. To cut the story short, I dragged myself out at 12am to tell my neighbour all was not well. While I was there, someone sent me a condolence message and I told my neighbour “my husband is dead.” The next day, the Army sent a delegation to inform me officially.
On how she feels when Nigerians accuse the military of not doing enough to curb the terrorists and bring their activities to an end, the widow said: “I personally get upset when I hear people accusing soldiers of not doing enough. These soldiers fight the terrorists knowing that each day could be their last. They have families, but they leave their homes and stay under harsh conditions. What more can they do? It’s very hard when you don’t know who the enemy is, but he knows you.
“I feel Nigerians don’t really appreciate the sacrifices these soldiers make. When you put yourself in their shoes and you look at how many young women are turned into widows and children who are turned fatherless, you’ll understand the sacrifices being made by our husbands.”
On how she has been coping since the death of her husband, Dalaky said: “Life has not been the same, and can never be the same without him. It’s like my life changed in a flash and my world came crashing down. Unfortunately, you can’t change anything about it.  So, try to suppress the pain and keep moving forward. You can’t break down, not when your kids look up to you. They kids have to be taken care of, they have to know mummy has got it all under control. One of the hardest things is when the kids ask and you have to assure them that daddy is okay in heaven, and he’s in a better place. My daughter once told me she wanted to visit her daddy in heaven, so I said she cannot visit heaven except she dies. She insisted she wanted to die just to see him. I told her she won’t die till she grows old. The response I got was shocking because she wasn’t yet five at that time. She said mummy, see my daddy he wasn’t old but he died. I remember sobbing that day. How can life be the same? The loss is just irreplaceable. I advise women married to military men to pray for their husbands at all times and they should equip themselves.”

Nigerians should continue to pray for our soldiers and not condemn them –Mrs Dora Adams, widow of Flight-Lieutenant J. A. Adams
For Mrs. Dora Adams, widow of Flight-Lieutenant J.A. Adams, says that Nigerians should continue to pray for soldiers on the battlefront.
Adams lost her husband in the ongoing counter insurgency war on February 19, 2013, few days after Valentine’s Day. A native of Owan, in Edo State, her last conversation with her husband was when he called to ask after the children and told her to take very good care of them. Shortly after that conversation, she said the sad news of her husband’s death was broken to her.

Flight-Lieutenant Ebitimi Owei’s mother bade him prayerful farewell in Ijaw language
Not a few people who witnessed the burial of Flight-Lieutenant Ebitimi Owei at the National Military Cemetary were touched by the way his aged mother bade him a prayerful farewell in Ijaw language.
Amid her sobs, she severally called his name and kept praying for him to go in peace saying that they would meet again.
Owei died on October 10, 2015, when his aircraft crashed in Hong Local Government Area, Adamawa State, due to bad weather while on assignment in the war against insurgents. Until his death, Owei was a member of the 56th Regular Course of the Nigerian Defence Academy (NDA), and a trained fighter pilot. The late fighter pilot left behind a wife, three children, aged parents, brothers and sisters.
On the fateful day, he failed to return to the NAF operational base at Yola, the state capital. NAF authorities were later alerted by villagers from the town where he crashed and a rescue team was deployed to the area, but the effort came too late for him.
The presence of his aged parents was very touching even as his widow and three children cut a picture of pure sorrow. The most traumatic moment of the burial, was when the Chief of Defence Staff (CDS), General Gabriel Olonisakin, presented the Nigerian national flag to the less than four-year-old son of the deceased officer. That singular aspect of the ceremony brought tears to the eyes of all as they watched the little boy who definitely did not know what was happening receive the flag accompanied by his mother.

Daddy we will miss you dearly –Daughter of Group Captain Ubong Akpan
Group Captain Ubong Akpan, a fighter pilot died with his flight engineer, Master Warrant Officer Hosea Zabesan, on November13, 2014, when their plane crashed near Yola, the Adamawa State capital, and thereby increased the tally of Nigeria Air Force personnel in the anti-insurgency war. When the crash happened, NAF search party located the scene of the crash and recovered their bodies.
On the day of their burial, all eyes were on Mrs. Ekaette Akpan, the widow of the deceased officer who came to the cemetery accompanied by her parents and three beautiful daughters.
Similarly, the crowd of sympathizers could not take their eyes off Mrs. Yemi Zabesan, widow of Master Warrant Officer Hosea Zabesan. She broke down and tears flowed freely when one of the daughters, was called out to read the tribute she wrote for her father. The little girl read a very good piece, describing him as the best father in the world.
She recalled her last moment with her late dad when he visited them in the United States of America, where they are based and all he told her and added that she and her sisters would miss him dearly.