Categories: Columns

Game over

Some people would rather stay in a situation hoping it will change than start over with someone else.

Kate Halim

Many people fear to let go of the ones they love even if the relationship is heading nowhere. For these people, after searching and finally finding someone who make them feel special, they are likely to hold onto to the relationship past its expiration date because of fear that they might not be able to find love again.

READ ALSO: Never too late to find love

It is fear that makes people stay in relationships long after it is obvious that the relationship has ended. Some people would rather stay in a situation hoping it will change than start over with someone else.

Most people don’t like to be alone and so they choose to stay in a relationship that’s not going anywhere because they believe that it’s better than being alone. But no one can force another person to be with them if they no longer want to.

The men and women who shared their stories with us reveal when they knew that the love they once shared with their partners had expired.

Glory: He kept avoiding talks about our future

As a woman, I know many men evade talking about the future because they love to play games with many women before they finally settle down. But I know that discussing about the future shouldn’t freak couples out. It indicates a mutual interest in wanting to take things forward, and doing things together assuming you haven’t known each other for long.

With my last boyfriend, I learnt that being attracted and wanting to develop a committed relationship are two different things. He kept avoiding talks about our future after four years together and I wasn’t getting any younger.

The absence of planning for the future raises a red flag if you are ready to settle down and begin a family. I broke up with him because I didn’t want to waste my productive years with a man scared of commitment.

Edwin: It looked like I was bothering her with love talks

I met a young lady recently and we bonded immediately. I was in love with her and didn’t hold back expressing my feelings to her. But overtime, I noticed that she wasn’t on the same page with me.

I always find myself trying to resist the urge to text or call her first, wondering what she was doing for hours because she hasn’t reached out to me. I tried many times to let her know that if our relationship must succeed, we should be on the same level, but she rarely connected back like I do.

READ ALSO: Reasons you should not jump into new relationships after a breakup

At a point, I didn’t stress about her anymore, because it looked like I was bothering her with my love talks. It sounds harsh, but it’s reality. If a girl is interested in you she will make every effort possible to talk to you. I told her it was over before I die over someone who doesn’t care about me.

Lucy: He constantly expected me be someone I am not

I loved my boyfriend but I noticed he wanted me to completely change who I am for him simply because it’s what he wants. He tells me he knows what is best for me.

I have learnt from experience that if your man expects you to be someone you are not, take a step back. It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by pretending to be someone else. It’s easier to nurse a little heartache and meet someone new, than it is to piece together your shattered identity.

I watched him for a while and knew that if I continued in that dysfunctional relationship, it would lead to an abusive marriage. I ran away from him. He kept telling me that I was losing a good man but I refused to get back with him. He didn’t love me, if he did, he won’t be trying to change me into someone else.

Rosemary: His actions didn’t match his words

I was in a relationship with a man I met during a meeting with a client last year. He was cool at first, loving, attentive and generous. But as the months went by, I noticed he lied a lot.

I was looking for a man who will make me look forward to tomorrow, but he had the opposite effect on me because of his inconsistencies. His actions didn’t match his words. He made excuses about why the things he told me didn’t appear to be so. I decided to let him go.

Chris: She doesn’t respect me

My ex girlfriend was so disrespectful. She kept behaving like my life depended on our relationship. She kept overriding my decisions and undermining my authority as a man. I tried to endure it but I noticed she wasn’t ready to change. I begged her many times to love and respect me but she laughed at me to my face.

As a man, I know that if you keep allowing your partner to blatantly disrespect you, this is telling them you don’t want them to be serious with you. Enduring such mistreatment before marriage will just lead to terrible marriage. I broke up with her. I didn’t want that kind of woman to take to my family. They will disown me.

Emmanuel: She didn’t consider my feelings

The girl I wanted to marry a few months ago would disappear and reappear at any time and profess love to me. She dated me at her convenience. She would ask me to come to see her, but rarely made efforts to see me.

She tells me we need to get together on days that I am busy with my business even after telling her it wouldn’t be convenient for me. And if I don’t agree, she won’t adjust her schedule or offer me an alternative plan. She won’t see me at all. I don’t know how someone who claims she loves me would keep treating me that way. She was treating me like her house boy.

READ ALSO: Police arrest houseboy for stealing USD59,000, another N3.4m cash

I noticed that dating me was all about her comfort and needs. I was the only one doing all the work to keep the relationship going. Someone who behaves in this manner is not relationship material, not to talk of wife material. She didn’t compromise or consider my feelings, so I erased her from my life.

Ogechi: He avoids being seen in public with me

My ex boyfriend avoids being seen in public with me. I know that when a person you are dating doesn’t honour you in public, it is clear where you stand with them. They don’t love you.

A man who’s into you will proudly show you off as his girlfriend. He would take you to meet his friends and family because he thinks you are special. He will be proud to be with you both in private and in public.

From his actions, it became evident that he didn’t want people to know he was dating me and it made me begin to doubt myself. We broke up afterwards. I don’t want to be with someone who is not proud to show me off to the world.

Stella: I didn’t know anything about his personal life

I was dating someone who was so secretive that I didn’t know what he did for a living. When he wasn’t with me, I was not really sure what he was doing, who he is with, or how he spends his time.

Personal information about the day-to-day events of his life was minimal. To me, when little is known of your partner, you cannot feel fully connected to him. When a man you are considering marrying doesn’t let you into his private world, you are trapped in a relationship that won’t allow you advance. We broke up over his secretiveness.


Tokunbo David :Sun News Online team writer and news editor

This website uses cookies.