Your death is written in the biggest and the boldest headline in the front page of my broken heart. You were introduced to me by my sister, Abolaji Fatiregun many years ago as one big fan of my newspaper column and my writings. And till death took you away, you remained so. I never knew you had been sick till you lost the battle. No wonder you disappeared from Facebook where you were active, pouring you heart out and educating the younger ones with the lessons you have learnt in life, particularly the loss of your husband years ago, leaving you to raise your two young children now grown-ups. You were buried yesterday at All Souls’ Rest Park, Ibadan. This is your story as you told Esther Ijewere in a series on “Women of Rubies”:
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October 5, 1996 was the beautiful day I married my sweetheart, John Omotosho Ojo, a God-fearing, devoted husband and father. However, after marriage, I could not get a job all through, despite appearing at several interviews. I remember being told at an interview that people like me would always go back to the academics, yet I wasn’t employed. I had my son in October 1997, yet I had no job.
My husband was very supportive and ensured we lacked nothing as far as his purse could take us. In January 1999, I got pregnant with my daughter, still there was no job. By July 1999, with almost two years old boy, a six-month-old pregnancy and still jobless, sweet John bade the world farewell. Till now, I still cannot understand the circumstances of his death but one thing it did was to devastate me. I almost went into depression but thank God I was pregnant. God used that to help me out, because I was eager to see the face of the baby conceived in love.
It was not an easy journey when John died but I thank God for my family who stood by me. On October 5th 1999, my supposed third year wedding anniversary, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter (her daddy’s lookalike). I began thereafter to do petty business. I travelled to Abeokuta, Cotonou, Lome—anywhere I could get things to buy and sell. I remember on my first trip to Cotonou, my mum came to pick my daughter and took me to the woman who was taking me down. It was a very emotional morning: tears filled my eyes. This was six months after my daughter’s birth. I did not get back till 11pm despite leaving Nigeria at dawn. My baby was still sucking. My breasts were swollen and painful. I got to my parents’ house to see my dad carrying my daughter, singing and dancing to pacify the wailing child. That night, we agreed that I would not embark on such journey again. Easier said than done. I have lost count of how many trips I took thereafter.
Later, I took up a teaching appointment organized by the PTA of a secondary school not too far from my house. The salary was small (N3, 500) but it was better than me sulking at home and wallowing in self-pity as I had two kids to look after. In 2001, I dusted my certificate, rejected self-pity and depression and went back to school to pursue my master’s degree. While at this, help came through one of the WAEC marking team heads who informed me of an impending interview in the Ekiti Ministry of Education. I was favoured and I taught at the Government Science College, Iyin-Ekiti from 2002-2006. While there, I enrolled at University of Ado Ekiti (now Ekiti State University) for a Post Graduate Diploma course in Education.
After my masters class, I enrolled for my PhD at FUTA and it was the year 2006 that Joseph Ayo Babalola University started. I bless God for the role He allowed the deputy chairman of council and his wife to play in my life. I got employed, brought back my kids and since then I’ve been enjoying the grace of God in JABU and have also completed my PhD in Agricultural Economics. Yes, there were times I was at the crossroads and felt like giving up but could not bring myself to doing it. I love my kids so much and they are my driving force, hence the strong will and determination to keep pushing, striving and smiling. No one would ever believe I was going through all these because for long, I talk about my late husband, John in the present tense. When women talk about their marital experiences, I contribute to the conversation as if my marriage was still on. I said to myself, “After God, the only one who could ever make me happy is me.” The statement has been working for me because I use it to spurge myself on. The major challenge I face in my line of work is the unruly attitude of students to their studies. I love serious-minded and focused students and most of the students who had undergone tutelage under me will attest to that fact. I am a principled and highly disciplined teacher when it comes to my work. I love to impart. It is a passion borne out of my love for education. I try as much as possible to encourage and counsel such students. It gives me great pleasure to see them respond truly to such counsel.
My advice to every woman out there who might be facing similar challenge is this: “Stop wailing in self-pity. Stop blaming others for whatever has happened. One of my favourite mantra is this: When something is done and you cannot undo it, move ahead.” Your determination to succeed rests on you. As a mother, your kids need you. Do not abandon them. Be resolute, be determined, be prayerful, find something doing and keep keeping on. Surely, there is going to be light at the end of the dark tunnel.
• Her son Temiloluwa Philip Ojo writes on her Facebook page: “If there is one thing I am sure of, she’d want to be remembered as the jovial, loving, energetic, disciplined, light illuminating human that she is.”