KOKO: What exactly is all this noise about our honourable members who went to America , please?
Kaka: Have you been in a coma since last week or is this one of your mischief?
Koko: You see, when you don’t understand something, you have to ask those who do. And must you always suspect that I am suffering from malaria or mischief?
Kaka: It is always one of the two or both of them, as all our readers will soon find out.
Koko: Just answer the question. What exactly is the uproar about?
Kaka: Sex scandal.
Koko: Who had sex?
Kaka: Em…em, the Reps in question now.
Koko: They actually had sex? With whom?
Kaka: Actually, nobody caught them having sex. They were only caught soliciting sex.
Koko: Who caught them?
Kaka: Well, we really don’t know. But the US Ambassador said that they said….
Koko: Kaaaka, kaaaka, Kaaka, how many times did I call you?
Kaka: I wasn’t counting.
Koko: How will you count? You were too busy with he said and they said. If you don’t know anything for sure, how do we know for sure that anything happened?
Kaka: Something happened o. America would not have written such a serious letter if nothing happened.
Koko: But soliciting sex is not the same as having sex. In fact, how does asking a fine curvy woman ‘how now’ become an offence? She can either say yes or no. It is
either deal or no deal.
Kaka: In Nigeria or America?
Koko: Well, is there a country where they do not do business?
Kaka: Did we send those Representatives to do that kind of dishonourable business?
Were they not there for a leadership programme? Did we tell them to go and check out or assess the curves of American women?
Koko: So, they have committed a cardinal sin by just asking American women if they want to do? Those women did not do and these poor guys still got into trouble.
What is the matter with America sef? Why are they taking such play play thing so seriously?
Kaka: In Nigeria, sex may be a play play thing. In America it is a serious matter.
Koko: You really should stop saying ‘sex’ because nobody had sex with anybody.
Kaka: But the Reps initiated the process…
Koko: What process? Was there even
touchery? Did anybody see the naked curves or the long strength of anybody?
Kaka: What about the one who grabbed the hotel housekeeper, Hon Gb…..
Koko: Sharaap, no naming, no shaming.
Were you there when he was grabbing the housekeeper? You believe the words of a housekeeper over and above that of a honourable member of the House of Representatives of the Federal Republic of Nigeria?
Why would such a big man want to sleep with an ordinary housekeeper?
Kaka: Maybe white housekeepers are better.
Koko: That preposterous statement suggests that my honourable member must have ‘done’ black housekeepers before.
Kaka: I did not say so o. But we all know that a woman is a woman when it comes to what happens under the sheets. Some men find the house girl’s own sweeter than Madam’s dish.
Koko: Not if the house girl is ugly.
Kaka: Even then, oga can cover the face and fire the base. Koko: Eh eh eh, you are now an authority
on the class and state of women’s dishes, right?
Kaka: Let’s not digress. This is a serious matter. Those men have seriously damaged our reputation.
Koko: Nonsense, just because they tried to negotiate ‘body-no-be-wood’ for one night? If America has nothing serious to worry about, they should not distract us
from the serious task of nation building in Nigeria. How can something as small as ‘you wan do’ and ‘I no wan do’ become a subject of diplomatic correspondence? I
still can’t believe how this even qualifies to be called a sex scandal. There was no sex.
There was no scandal, only a transaction that ended on a sour note. That is why I’m supporting the poor honourable members
to sue America for every cent it’s got in its vault.
Kaka: Where will people whose visas have been revoked, cancelled sue America,
in Igbosere or Agege Customary Court? Or they will go to Washington through Morocco?
Please, those guys messed up big time.
Imagine if they have children studying in the US, do you think they will be pardoned to attend their graduation ceremonies?
Koko: It’s all so unfair. To be punished for not even having sex. I mean, the sex was not had, for crying out loud.
Kaka: Would you have felt better if those Reps had had sex?
Koko: Yes. At least they would be getting punished for what they did, not what they almost did? A re those Americans saying their own politicians sleep alone
when they go on national assignments?
Kaka: Maybe they are smarter at the game. Your own people behaved like local champions, trying to do direct business.
Even in Nigeria, there are always middle men, smart undergraduate guys who ferry the girls and install them in the appropriate suites and chalets. If they had outsourced the job, they would not be in this mess.
Koko: So, what they are really guilty of is the 11th commandment, ehn?
Kaka: Yes, thou shall not be caught.
They got caught with their boxers around their ankles.
Koko: There is no evidence yet.
Kaka: Don’t even go there. You want evidence?
Like footages from hotel cameras?
Really? So, if US releases it and it goes viral, what good will that do?
Koko: So, what should these poor guys do, just fold their arms?
Kaka: They should hand America over to God’s court, as we say in Yorubaland.
They should stop talking or threatening.
Every scandal has a lifespan. Even this shall die.
Koko: And to think they didn’t see any secret place of the oyinbo women…
Kaka: You need to get over it.
Re- The knock-kneed man and his load
Thought-provoking piece, aptly titled. Mature professional use of language.
Hope those ‘political leaders’ who have turned to become destroyers of our cherished values will read it. So sad. May God help us.
- Commissioner of Police (names withheld)
Funke, it seems like the governor has made up his mind to Islamize Osun State.
-Adeyemi, Los Angeles
Maybe the hijab will help the students have better WAEC and NECO results.
My only question is, where do we keep the hijab during sports? Perhaps that’s no more part of the school curriculum. E gba mi o!!!
-Gabriel Otonoku, 08033143782
There is no solution to this issue now in Osun state. You see, Islam cannot survive without violence and governmental patronage. Read the history of that religion
and you will see what I mean. Now, ordinarily, one will think, wearing hijab is a small matter but before you know it, the Muslims will gradually begin to enforce it
You certainly read of the Christian man who nearly lost his life for eating during the Muslim fasting. The history of Islam shows that if you give it an inch, it will
take a mile.
That is why nearly all North African countries are today Muslim havens , having displaced all the Christians who hitherto once lived in those nations.
The Osun shame represents the present Nigeria: low morals, indecency, no ideas, no focus, debased norms,religious fanaticism and tribalism.
Your frank stories are thought-provoking and sometimes act as soothing balms.
What is going on in Osun is simply incredible.
Your article in Sunday sun on Osun state makes me wonder if you are a geographer too.
I am from Ilesa . A governor should not be found guilty of leaving the substance and chasing shadows. God bless Osun state, God bless Nigeria .